Best Rape Prevention Tips.

Via on Sep 7, 2012

For more: In Response to “Dear Drunk Girl.” ~ Hannah Harris

I posted these tips. And they’re good to know about.

But these are more to the point, and 100% effective:

About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now elephantjournal.com & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. elephantjournal.com | facebook.com/elephantjournal | twitter.com/elephantjournal | facebook.com/waylonhlewis | twitter.com/waylonlewis | Google+ For more: publisherelephantjournalcom

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17 Responses to “Best Rape Prevention Tips.”

    • J-guest says:

      Absolutely agreed, all of these are 100% right, but it's imperfect because it's incomplete. It forgets that men can be, and are, forced to have sex against their will. Replying as a guest because this is a little too personal for the internet – I'm a relationship abuse "survivor" (I hate that word, passionately, hence the quotation marks; but, mind you, I only hate it when applied to me), physical scarring included (minor, they're mostly faded, just a few scars left on my arms), other forms of abuse included. In that relationship, I had sex on a number of occasions for the sole purpose of stopping being physically and verbally attacked.

      I guess this is more a reminder than anything, a statement, that it's not just consent, and it's not even just GOOD consent. There's this phrase I've heard bouncing around the internet: ENTHUSIASTIC consent. Any sexual encounter MUST be entirely, enthusiastically consensual. Whether the person instigating is a man or a woman, ALL sexual encounters must be ENTIRELY consensual. Violent man-perpetrated rape is NOT okay in any way, shape, or form. I agree wholeheartedly with every statement in that graphic. Like I said, just a reminder and a statement.

      • So true J. Any non-consensual sex is rape regardless of the genders involved.

      • Yogateacher says:

        Any sexual assault is damaging and I'm sorry for your pain. As a society though, we must face the facts about the incidences of sexual assault on women if there is going to be any real change. There is considerable gender inequality when it comes to this issue.

        "According to the U.S. Department of Justice, an estimated 91% of the victims of rape and sexual assault are female and 9% are male. Nearly 99% of the offenders they described in single-victim incidents are male."

        For the 9% of men, equally as horrible. But we must be honest about the gender issue if it's ever going to stop. 99% are male perpetrators. This is a deeply disturbing part of a society we must fight to change.

        • jack says:

          You femenists need to get your head out of your asses. Rapists mind set wont change. You wont ever beable to stop rapists fron atempting to rape someone. And to point out that males are the problem is also bs. The reason more women report their rape, doent mean only 9% are guys.

          Its anyone who has power over the other person

          Regardless of gender.

          Enough of this “men need to learn” bullcrap.

          Its rapists in general. While the majority are guys, its not becuase theyre a guy, its a power thing. You wont ever change that.

          This whole “anti rape” movement has been going on foe how long? And how much had rape been reduced? Exactly.

          Enough of the “tell people that this is wrong.”

          People know its wrong. Rapist know its wrong to kidnap people off the strets, and pretend they need help with their car. Telling people those things are wrong, wont change whats going on.

  1. elephantjournal says:

    Sang-gye Buschmann a) It helps to read the article, instead of just the headline – it always does. It seems, I am still able to have my own opinion, afterwards. b) To change my mind about an article after reading it is not a sign of stupidity of lack of back-bone. But I understand in some countries that is not the style of public discussion.
    Other than that … in my opinion (and that's all it is:) … there is no shadow work needed here: the list of directions is 100% ironic (that's a literary form of discourse, guys). How many freakin' rules are there for women telling us what to do and what not to do in order to NOT GET RAPED? The fact that these rules are out there is the scandal. These directions put is as it is: rape and the prevention thereof is not the responsibility of the victim – it should be prevented by the rapist.
    7 hours ago · Like · 4
    Dori McCormack I've found that about half of what elephantjournal/ Waylon posts is valuable,and the other half is crap, like this. This piece is just way off the mark, not smart, not funny. A couple more like it and I'm done.
    7 hours ago · Like · 2
    Mike St.Germain I must be missing the reason people are angry. The leading cause of rape is men assaulting women (there are occasions when women assault men, too, don't get me wrong). The graphic simply reinforces the fact that the VICTIM is never at fault. It's the aggressor who is to blame pure and simple. If the aggressor keeps his/her violent urges in check, rape wouldn't exist.

    And before you get all high and mighty on me saying I don't understand, my daughter was the victim of sexual assault. I understand from a parents perspective the useless feeling, the raising mountain of guilt, feelings of failure as a parent, and helplessness to fix the problem. The over whelming desire to shove an ice pick through the kidneys of the perpetrator.
    7 hours ago · Unlike · 5
    Carol Ann I feel pretty offended. Rape isn't funny. Poor taste EJ.
    7 hours ago · Like · 1

  2. elephantjournal says:

    elephantjournal.com Kate, your comment illustrates the real issue here. I can't tell if you are saying it's sad it didn't make it's point or is it sad "we" didn't get it? That is simply more bad writing.

    I can't speak for anyone else but as someone who was raised feminist and whose Mother founded a battered wives shelter (one of the first suburban ones in the country) and the Father of two daughters with far too much experience than I will share here, there is no question it is a disturbing post. If only for the obvious reason it invoked the wrong response.
    I attribute this to;
    1. How it was posted.
    2. It is a piss poor example of building awareness. It is an inside approach more concerned with being clever then getting the message across to those who need it. I speak to teenage boys often about "no means no" and this PSA would be a disaster with them. It is simply bad marketing of a vital idea. "Sad that we didn't get it"? No sad that you don't get that it isn't funny, clever or effective and leaves informed people confused as to your intent. I don't give a damn who wrote it. That's on you lady, not your readers.
    **** 7 hours ago · Like · 3
    Sang-gye, Thank You for your shadows as well. Signed, We, of a clearly inferior culture.
    6 hours ago · Like · 1
    Liv Walker Patterson From my heart, thank you Scott de Kuyper- for articulating what I as a victim of SA, I could not. Again, thank you.
    6 hours ago · Like · 1
    **** Seriously Sang-gye, you've now elevated this to insulting countries and that my friend, is a shadow.

    You could have simply stated your point. Kate could simply acknowlege that the post, at best created confusion. No one seemed to find the 'irony' remotely amusing. Probably because it is closer to sarcasm than irony.
    6 hours ago · Unlike · 1
    ***** Peace. We all want the same thing. It seems necccessary to stop here. Thank You Liv.
    6 hours ago · Like · 1
    Stefanie Paulette Harmon As a student of Women's Studies we actually talked about this "Check List" and it is supposed to point out how ridiculous it is that the majority of rape-prevention tips blame the victim, (e.g. don't dress a certain way.) This isn't supposed to be funny. Its supposed to bring the blame back to the perpetrator.
    6 hours ago · Unlike · 2
    Katie Bouzon Martinez First article (referenced above) was right on target. Most recent in BAD TASTE!!
    5 hours ago · Like · 2
    Valerie Martin What is the problem with this? If speaking the truth about where responsibility lies in this situation is "offensive" or in "bad taste" then I think it's time for those who think so to re-frame how they are perceiving the message. This may be irony, but it is not intended to be humorous in any way other than to amplify the absurdity of blaming the victim and placing the focus of responsibility where it belongs!!! It IS bizarre and unfathomable that some men don't already know these rules!!! So maybe spelling it out for those idiots isn't such a bad idea!!

    Waylon: Sue, so much easier to dislike something based on the headline!?) when you don't even read it! WTF right back atcha. Talk about a lazy, knee-jerk sense of offense. You can do better.

    **** Well that was my point wasn't it. Are you really maintaining that message, which apparently offends many WOMEN here (and yes, we get that men don't count) is somehow effective in reaching men that are already violent towards women? Seriously?
    3 hours ago · Like · 1
    Dena Ketsdever Kammerud several years ago this was going around either FB or another site…it was trying to put the responsibility for preventing sexual assault on the ASSAULTERS instead of the victims. You know all those things the victims are told to do to prevent rape…so it's supposed to be turning it around. I am flabbergasted that so many people are offended.

  3. elephantjournal says:

    elephantjournal.com My point was that it isn't intended to be funny. It's intended to show exactly what Dena Ketsdever Kammerud points out above. the onus is often placed on women to take responsiblity for preventing their own rape, i.e if you took a drink from someone you didn't know, it must be your fault. It's to show the absurdity in our culture surrounding rape, and again, is put together by a rape awareness group. I'm fine with disagreeing, but I think that many people are disagreeing because they misunderstood the point. ~ Kate
    2 hours ago · Like · 1

  4. elephantjournal says:

    Valarie DeGarmo This is the best advice I've seen to date. Who is it offensive to? Potential rapists? Aww, poor rapists. Poor misunderstood alienated rapists.
    44 minutes ago · Unlike · 1

    elephantjournal.com Wow! Liv, the above post is actually far more feminist than my post, which offered practical ways to avoid danger in my hometown. When I wrote that (buddy system, don't walk home alone, numbers to call) I was criticized for saying or implying that it was the woman or victim's responsibility to avoid rape.

    The above article is not humorous. Furthermore, I didn't write it. It is in any case pointing out that the responsibility for rape lies with the aggressor.

    elephantjournal.com PS: what Valerie Martin said.

    What Dena Ketsdever Kammerud said. Thank you!

    What Stefanie Paulette Harmon said. Okay, lots of common sense here. Whew!

  5. elephantjournal says:

    elephantjournal.com And Sang-gye Buschmann, thank you. As Stefanie said, this is straight out of Women's Studies/Feminism. It should not be the responsibility of victims to avoid assault. It is the responsibility of aggressors to check themselves.

  6. Guest says:

    I was raped, almost decade ago. Today, I still deal with the debilitating affects which permeate many areas of my life, even after and midst releasing much trauma from my mind and body. It's a very confusing experience for people who try to practice compassion and acceptance to have.

    I found this post's irony a relief, the apparent intention of it. In fact, my heart leapt in a perhaps twisted sort of joy: I LOVE it when I am reminded that it is never the victim's fault. I know I said no, many times. I know I didn't ask for it. I know I did all I could to save myself. And that it wasn't enough. And now I have these things to deal with, including the infamous and confusing victim's guilt. And I do, at my own pace and to the best of my ability.

    Anyway, thank you for sharing this piece. In all my personal work, nothing has ever stated so clearly the fact that it is never the victim's fault. I needed this. I may always need reminding. Trauma often doesn't make sense to the layman.

    I don't condemn the many angry respondents, as I myself have gone through various stages of grief. But when we begin personally attacking others for their differing style of contributing to public media, we're on a slippery slope of the kind of righteousness that can freeze out the one post that may help just one single reader find just a small amount of healing.

  7. LynnBonelli says:

    Wow…I'm confused how this could be taken as offensive…but then again I'm not going to pretend ot be smart or right all of the time. However, I think it's odd that "we" still have to defend and/or make excuses for people (male or female) who cannot control their urges by saying that posts like this would only confuse them or make them shut down. So not only do victims need to say "no" clearly (and dress a certain way, etc)…we now need to know the proper way to communicate our desire to NOT get raped by saying it in a way the perpetrator will clearly understand because of his or her damaged psyche or level of development? And here I thought that every parent taught their children what No means.

  8. Christie says:

    It does seem a little flippant. Ask a person who was just raped how she or he feels about seeing this posted immediately after a violent act like rape. Oh I can tell you, it seems…flippant.

  9. Zaskoda says:

    The brilliance here is the implication that this was written directly to.. that is, speaking directly to a potential rapist. It humanizes the rapist… and rapists are, after all, humans. When corporal punishment seems to fail in stopping rape within a society, we respond by making the punishment more and more severe. We also respond by making it harder and harder for accused rapist to defend themselves in the name of protecting and supporting not only the victim, but all potential victims. Has it worked? Nope, but now we know that we have hundreds, perhaps thousands of innocent people in prison on false rape claims… Will stricter corporal punishment ever work? There's no evidence to suggest it ever will. Want to solve the problem? You're probably going to have to dig a little deeper and start to understand the root causes… otherwise you're just reacting to a symptom of a sick society.

  10. Guest says:

    Interesting exchange. I'm of the inclination to call the piece flippant, but it has a place in the discourse. It may not be an effective way to address folks voted 'most likely to commit sexual assault,' but it could reframe the question of responsibility in many people's minds. The challenge of living in a sick society is that there can be multiple levels/locations of responsibility not accepted — one person who doesn't take full responsibility for their actions accusing another person that is not taking responsibility. Not that I would ever want to be a prosecutor, but if I were (and had an interest in truth) I think it would be challenging, haunting even, to sort some of these situations out. Civil cases present different challenges than criminal ones. We've come a long way from the days when rape was ignored, or encouraged, but there's a distance to go and no good roadmap of how to get there. Still too many rapists go free, and too many people get wrongly convicted. I support many different approaches to raising awareness and working to reduce rape and abuse, because there are many different kinds of people, many different kinds of minds to be reached about it.

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