Thank You for Sucking at Loving Me. {NSFW}

Via on Sep 3, 2012
photo: flickr/Katie Tegtmeyer

Seven-and-a-half minutes to Having a Good Time on Earth.

“Give yourself what you want without apology…and if you feel like an asshole—that’s very normal.”

~ Ben Smythe

We all know that you have to love yourself—first—before you’re going to have a partner who will love you the way you want. And, most of us know that using the breadcrumb trail of relationship failures will bring us face-to-face with the one thing we have been missing in order to discover this self love.

Here’s a hint: as long as you treat yourself like crap, everyone else will too.

Ben Smythe, Modern-day Guru and “the guy with the sign,” tells it like it is.

If you haven’t met him, you’re about to get your spiritual socks knocked off.

 

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~
Editor: Bryonie Wise

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About Kristin Luce

Kristin Luce is slowly going sane by using her actual life and relationships to wake up. Her quest for truth has led her through a B.A. in Philosophy, an M.A. in Buddhist Psychology, intensive retreat practice, certification as a Meditation Instructor, two life-changing relationships and two life-changing kids. She now provides in-depth coaching for individuals and couples who want profound and dramatic transformation. An avid writer, she has been featured in such publications as Mothering Magazine and The Buddhadharma, and is a regular contributor to elephant journal. Friend her on Facebook, Twitter, her website or contact her at info@kristinluce.com.

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24 Responses to “Thank You for Sucking at Loving Me. {NSFW}”

  1. ann says:

    hmmm…while i really like him, and feel like we could totally share some deep thoughts, i don't totally agree…firstly, it sort of rubs me wrong that he so clearly directs this whole thing at women, when men are equally prone to self-destructive relationships for precisely the same reason. otherwise, i think he's sort of onto something…but i also think he puts a little too much weight on the sort of anton lavey do-what-suits-me mentality…frankly, i think we could all do with just a teensy bit more respect and decency, even when it isn't super comfortable and enjoyable, if only because quite a lot of our discomfort around others has at least a little to do with our own projections…

    or maybe i'm just playing devil's advocate…he really is quite likeable, and he does make an awfully good argument. thanks for sharing!

  2. KristinSLuce says:

    Hey Ann, I think Ben is responding to a particular person who had apparently asked him why she keeps attracting "assholes." It's not directed at women in particular.

  3. Lucie says:

    Having a really good time listening to him :-)

  4. Karyn says:

    His message isn't terribly complicated which is good. I struggle with the undertone. Not sure how to put it into words, but there's a sarcasm or brutality to his approach that doesn't resonate for me.

    And on a side note, the "guru" word doesn't work for me. Maybe that's not his word for himself…but if it is….ugh.

  5. eleanor says:

    Sometimes I need someone to be a little brash and take all of the over sweetness out of things and say it like it is
    Thanks for sharing. Much appreciated xo

  6. Claire says:

    straight-talker. i totally get him and tune into him when i feel that i need reminders.
    i sense no sarcasm or brutality Karyn…. profound honesty can feel like that though :-)
    he doesn't call himself 'guru'.

    no fluff here. and that is why i love Ben Smythe. Thanks Kristin.

    • KristinSLuce says:

      He definitely does not call himself a Guru. He would probably gag at hearing me say it! Still, a guru is just "an influential teacher or popular expert," and I accept the wisdom of people who seem to know more than I, whatever they call themselves. And right, no fluff. I love that. (Thanks, Claire!)

      • Ursula says:

        I believe that if you allow it, everyone that crosses your path becomes a guru who helps you shine light on your inner one, just like those who sucked at loving you, just like you and Ben this morning for me.
        I loved him… I actually really love the sarcasm and the slightly acid humor, raw and real. Thank you Kristin for sharing. :)

  7. Natalia says:

    Yes!!! Everything he said! Not quite there yet but on my way. Thank you!!!
    Made my day.

  8. Don says:

    Thanks Kristin – just what I needed to hear!

  9. Wayne says:

    Psycho babble for the privileged. Wake up in the morning and ask yourself what you want to do doesn't apply to most people. Nor does doing whatever you want.

    • KristinSLuce says:

      It sounds like you might be assuming that waking up in the morning and doing what you want means you would be reckless or irresponsible or unkind. But why would that be true? If the only options are being externally motivated (doing what others expect) or being hedonistic then there is suffering either way. Without believing that there is anything I have to, or should do, I notice that I am joyfully more available to my children and freer in my life to do what I want, taking full responsibility for the outcomes.

      It also seems that many of us believe that doing what we love without guilt or apology will make us stupid. But being free to do exactly what I want doesn't mean that I forget that leaving food out will lead to mold, or not earning money will lead to not being able to pay my rent.

  10. Jen says:

    Finding him is like Christmas – I can't wait to keep opening his videos. :)

  11. Joe Sparks says:

    Everyone sucks at it! Why do you think we are in the mess that we are in? I do not know very many people who wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think they are next best thing to sliced bread! That attitude will not make you very good at showing and receiving love. We all got shot down when we were small and vulnerable to these hurts, by well meaning adults. But now, we can end feeling bad about ourselves. No one can do it for us. Because feelings are not a good guide for changing our behavior. And, It is clearly a decision we need to make over and over again to interrupt the patterned belief, that we are not good at or deserving of it.
    We have gone as far as we can by ourselves. It is too difficult to figure out alone, and our perspectives on ourselves are too narrow. We have been so conditioned to not trust our own thinking. The reality is we are completely lovable! That is what we want to notice and feel, the truth. Or as I like to say, " I am not the worst loving person in the world." Humor is the best way to get at this "stuff." We are so hard on ourselves. It helps to know most of us carry this internalized message, but it is not us. We just need to focus our attention on the truth. We are all doing the best we can, and deserve neither blame or disrespect. It works really if we surround ourselves with like minded people. Excellent video!

  12. candylamb says:

    douche

  13. mary says:

    I don't know how to be loved because I don't know how to love myself…yet. I suck at loving myself. Still trying and hope to succeed….one day.

  14. Agree totally with what Ben says! I want to share this with as many people as possible. Especially the ones who go around saying they've been treated badly …

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