By Darlene Mars and David G. Arenson, ND
Mars (David) and Venus (Darlene) in a conscious dialogue about sharing, magnetic attraction and the bonds and fluids that keep men and women together (…and apart).
Some people use sex and love to run away, not to experience the depth, connectivity, pleasure and freedom.
Too many rules about it and what sex means in some future “story” or too much leniency in how it can be disregarded. Where’s the place where reverence/respect and passion/union unite without ownership or story-telling?
I would like to travel there.
Packing my bags,
I believe it comes to awareness and beingness in the present (“be here now“).
If you’re truly present, then you can bring your full life force into the moment of bliss—where male-female energies caress, intermingle, play and unite, where polarities and barriers fall in the moment of completion, where time is exhausted, and the world ceases to exist as a coherent entity within consciousness.
There, that is the space where boundaries no longer exist, and all there is, is one moment, one essence, one sex, one life.
I believe we come to this point, and then fall back into habitual patterns again (thoughts about the past and the future, idiosyncrasies, fear, loss, betrayal…stories stories stories and more stories).
It is here that the purity of form and essence is lost in our inner talk (“jabber“). Our internal dialogue clouds our vision and prevents us from being truly present.
Then we perpetually seek to get back that no-thing-ness (completion) that occurred when we ceased to exist (in the orgasm). This is the assemblage point we always have to come back to—to find ourselves again.
Relationships have become a place to express our deepest neuroses and that’s where we fall down.
Our suffering stops when we become conscious of choosing the experience of a relationship to relate to another as a mirror of our being. Instead of being a victim to the experience, we actively co-create it.
The moment we bring awareness into relating, barriers of the ego self start to fall. We start to see the other as an extension of our self. We start to see ourselves in another. We start to feel our whole experience as one expression of who we are. There’s no separation. (No us and them, no you and me!)
Your questions are valid.
What if we didn’t need to keep finding this point, and then losing it all over again? What happens if we could let go of the passion after it occurred without a story of attachment?
How do we get to such an emotional high, reach such a crux of energies, climb high and jump off the tallest structure we know, lose ourselves in ecstatic forgetting, and then come back to the present, and not yearn to reach that climax (again and again…)?
This is our challenge as society. To elevate ourselves and each other, so we are shining examples of people living an expanded “orgasmic” life.
If we get “lost” inside sex and the almighty orgasm, and if that’s the greatest place most experience connectivity, what keeps us from being addicted? Is that part of your question?
Like any addict, we’ll negotiate our way into stories (in this case, the story of love and partnership) to experience the only place where such reverence and importance is placed on us, where our needs are fed and we feel, at least temporarily loved.
The story of love is a trap.
A desperate attempt to fulfill something that is not whole within. Love itself is a blessing and a miracle through which scars are healed and life is created and sustained—but, we have to do the work within ourselves.
It doesn’t need to be marriage or relationships but all of our partnerships are spiritual, necessary and relevant.
The people who are closest in our sphere are teaching us, pushing us, and helping us evolve.
It’s easier for us to feel connectivity during sex and absolute freedom from entrapment of thought. It’s a reward. Maybe sex makes us work harder to learn. Maybe if it wasn’t for desire to touch or desire to connect, we could complacently check out of life.
Do you know the song, Bring Me A Higher Love?
I used to hear this song in my mind perpetually. It may even have started playing toward the end of my marriage. I wanted to experience the higher, deeper and more profound spaces. I craved more connectivity sexually, spiritually, emotionally and intellectually.
What was really happening was that I was getting ready for a sequence of experiences that were necessary for growth and a return to my higher love. I was the higher love.
That’s why sex doesn’t need to be a story or an attachment.
You already are the higher love and wherever that goes and grows is simply delicious.
We can talk about sexual freedom when we release the entrapment of our own storytelling, our own attachments, and our own addictions or at the very least to be aware that we house all three, and that’s okay. That’s part of the conditioning—but that which “you really are” supersedes the “story” and the addictions and the attachments should you be ready to see it and free it.
There exists your sexual high and your sustained orgasm.
To your evolved gratification,
…grateful to the play, and to you, David, My crush on elephant journal.
Love is far more than a story. Imagine the story is your creation, from the grand illusion of separation. If you search further, you’ll realize that—
All truth is love, and all love is truth.
As everything is change and in flux, that “truth” is changing all the time.
So the only thing that can change is our awareness of it. And that’s always in flux too!
We perceive love to be many things, too. Yet it’s far beyond our perception. Perhaps you can only know love once you’ve experienced it? Our purpose here is to love, experience love…be love.
What I was thinking about, is that beyond anything else my greatest yearning is for female…for uniting with the female in anything sexual, sex, delicious sex play…
Ultimately this is a spiritual quest, yet biologically deeply steeped in my genetic longings.
In the deepest recesses of my heart and being, I want to unite with the female.
The way this is enacted or physically demonstrated is via the sex drive, yet its source is really spiritual.
This is not a drive for an orgasm, it is a drive to be joined with a female, to be inside her body and mind, in the biblical conjoining of Adam and Eve into one entity, one form, one human. This is the ultimate dance and union of yin and yang.
In this joining, we become greater than one plus one. We become an abundance of abundant possibilities exploded into infinity via the orgasm.
Orgasm is the climax of these energies, the culmination of the falling away of ego boundaries, and the yearning to unite with a female.
Orgasm brings us closer to God than anything else.
Orgasm is the fusion of our souls, expanded to meet with God in the garden of passion.
We can become spiritually addicted to this feeling. Perhaps that’s why some get lost in ashrams and never return. Yet, as a male, the yearning for coming home to the Goddess can only be quenched in the arms of a female.
We must return to the world post-orgasm. We cannot maintain the orgasm beyond its release. Tantra teaches us to hold this energy, and sustain it for longer without releasing it with unconscious abandon.
The more we release, the less drive we have to find it again.
Darlene Mars is a spiritual catalyst, a passionate student of love and teacher of yoga for over 15 years. Her devotions include her studio, Harmony House Yoga in Cooper City, FL where her intuitive and supportive style of teaching facilitates safety and insight. She creates a perpetual forum for broadening freedom through awareness. Creator of Integrative Stretch Treatment TM, which is a therapeutic approach to lengthening and healing the body, Darlene provides space, not only for the muscle but for the energetic origin of the impingement to provoke the highest potential of consciousness. Her calling is to embody balance in spiritual footing and honesty in the human experience and provoke others to do the same. A spiritual muse, a writer, a dancer, a lover, a friend, a soulful devotee of all we are, and simply stated, a grateful Goddess. You can connect with her on facebook or via email email@example.com.
Editor: Lynn Hasselberger