My experience of love has lacked the very essence of love. If it shows up, how would I know it’s the essence and true meaning of love, if I’ve never experienced true love?
We are all in the world, running the risk of falling, trapped, in the dark night. I’m afraid of death, but even more afraid of wasting my life. I see dreams constantly in my heart.
I see dreams wasted
By the fear of never becoming.
By the fear of never feeling.
By the fear of never experiencing.
By the fear of losing myself forever.
I’m afraid of love because it involves things beyond my understanding. My mind has a need to know, a knowing as important as holding on to this life. I have both hands on the steering wheel and my eyes on the road.
Or, should I rather close my eyes and allow my inner vision to lead the way? Should I rather let go of the steering wheel, let go of control, and let the wind carry me? Who would be to blame if I drove my life off the paved road?
Is the scenery not so much more beautiful in the untouched, uncharted areas of life? Who is to blame when I find my heart scattered in pieces all over the floor? Can I blame you, or you and perhaps you?
I’d like to give this thing called loving a chance once more. My past records in regards to love have been lacking the wisdom of the heart.
Can it be that life has given me a second chance to succeed? Is it my turn now? To love? To be loved? To fearlessly vote for love in my life? To live from a place of receptivity and vulnerability as a lady should?
Can I trust that life will shower me with good luck this time ‘round?
I’m not sure I really even know the meaning of love. My experience of love has lacked the very essence of love. If it shows up, how would I know it’s the essence and true meaning of love, if I’ve never experienced true love?
Will I just know?
I guess that’s where the wisdom of the heart needs to lead the way, in all areas of my life. The lack of this heart wisdom led to deep sorrow and pain in the past.
In an effort to give my heart permission to lead the way, and trust its wisdom, I’ll have to let go of another old story. The wisdom of my heart is showing me the truth in all aspects, as it’s shedding light into the dark night.
When I do find this important love in my life, it doesn’t mean I have to give up all the other important things in my life.
Perhaps then I can love with a strength and a certainty, a knowing that I can have it all. No need to cut myself short of anything or cast away anything I love in my life. And that includes myself.
Perhaps this love, shared with strength and certainty, acting in full commitment and passion, can never be lost. When I find this love, I don’t own it. I don’t have it. I share it. If I don’t own or have it, how can I ever lose it?
How can I lose something if I’ve never had it to begin with? When I share love, I share love I have inside me, and that love can never be lost.
So in short, I can fully trust this love I’m allowing into my life. It is a love that will be shared, not owned. In sharing, and not owning, this love can never be lost, because it will never be owned.
Marlize Joubert is a writer, philosopher and poet. She shares inspirations from the soul, expressions from the heart and discoveries gained on her soul’s journey. She teaches yoga to people from all walks of life. You can find her on the West side of Los Angeles. She teaches privately and in studios such as: Yoga Works, Equinox, The Hub and Hot8Yoga. She is a facilitator for healing. She leads breathing meditations/circles & one-on-one guidance/healing sessions. The work speaks for itself. It’s life changing and opens the gate to self love. http://marlizejoubert.squarespace.com/
Editor: Jennifer Spesia
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