Every resolution you will come to, every dream you will ever have, every victory, every sadness and every everything that has to do with life, connection, community and love has everything to do with just three questions.
Set your sights to transformation because what your are about to read may just change your life for good.
The first question is: “Do I matter?”
It is natural to wonder about the force and impact your life has on the world. The question “Do I matter?” can also sound like: “What do I do with my life?” “Who am I?” “Am I lovable?” and “What is my legacy?” Even if we don’t want it to, how we feel about the potency of our existence is central to how willing we are to participate in the spectrum of life.
Self-esteem, self-worth and a bundle of other elements that have to with Self all have Do I matter at their core. Further, this question drives a wide array of consumer behaviors, endless neurosis, and an insatiable appetite for validation. This question leaks into all areas of life ranging from career path, to being a parent, to falling in love. So, how in the hell do you answer this question?
Let’s go with, “Yes.” Yes, you matter. How do you know that you matter? Why does mattering matter?
Read those last three sentences over again.
Take a breath and notice what happens to your body when you answer the question with “Yes.” Notice what happens to your breath when you answer the question with “No, I don’t matter.” Extend your awareness of body sensations out a little further to explore what matters to you. Once you know what matters to you, that then resolves knowing if you matter in a Cartesian sense; I think therefore I am.
Finally, return to all the places you felt yes in your body. Sit with them until you feel or hear something to the effect of, “Life is worth living” rise inside of you. Touch your worth. Pulse with it. Feel your value.
Your value will answer the “Why.”
The second question is: “Am I enough?”
This question is fraught with limits. It bends towards quantifying your life into measurable variables. However, any time you earn or are given accolades for achievement such as an A+, a promotion, more sex or vacation time, the tenets inside this question get reinforced. Further, it has to do with basic survival and the ability to gather and retain resources.
Sometimes, the bottom drops out when attempting to answer this question in that the answer can bare striking similarities to, “Nope, you suck, no one loves you, quit now, stop breathing or you are totally f***ed.” However, this is not the only answer on the market.
In order to answer this question, you will need a few things. First, you have to have the ability to take ownership over your choices and their outcomes. Second, you have to exercise a keen sense of self-awareness. Lastly, you better be a resilient person because more often than not, “No” is going to be the answer.
Yes may feel good, but no has its place in the world too. No is a stopping point. It is a challenge. No refuses sweets, gets us out of bad relationships, and can be the catalyst needed to turn lives around. So, while the answer to the question, “Am I enough?” ultimately is “Yes.” In order for that to be true, you must be able to trace, face, and claim your No.
In simple terms, answer this question with the clarity of judgment that comes after you have lost a loved one or something precious in your life dies. If this hasn’t happened to you yet, just know that it reorients your priorities down to the most basic of needs.
The third question is: “Can I have what I want?”
Want and desire are fickle assailants. They also motivate massive accomplishments. They underpin imagination. And they are illusive enough to always keep you guessing.
Much has been written about getting what you want. In fact, you may be listening to Wayne Dyer in the background while reading this article and thinking about how you are going to quit your job so that you can “do or be something else.”
To this I say, Stop reading The Secret right now! Back out of the self-help section. Take a breath and reference these universal truths: “…a person harvest whatever they plant.” Manifestation is a mindset. “…As a man thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). Lastly, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Luke 6:31). Essentially, trace your truth to it’s core. Acknowledge your desires.
In fact, want is a return on your acknowledgments. Another way of saying “A person harvest whatever they plant” is “Where attention goes energy flows.” Your focus creates your reality. Without going too deep into neuropsychology, let’s just leave it at repetition leads to manifestation.
So, the quick answer to this question is, “Yes.” “And you have to work for what you want by setting intentions, taking action, reviewing outcomes and being humble enough to teach as well as learn.
I invite you to present me with any other inquiries that cannot be traced back to these three.
In closing, my wish is that this article provided an opening in your awareness, even if you disagree.
Ed: Kate Bartolotta
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July’s Full Moon in Capricorn: The Heart wants what it Wants. How to Love a Woman who Scares You. Our Soulmates are Rarely Who We Expect. I Still Think of You. The 4 Stages of a Good Divorce. Men, Let’s Stop Fooling Ourselves: Size Matters. Reading This Takes Guts. To the One Who Tried to Break Me. An Open Letter to the Fixers. How your Stored Memories in the Amygdala can lead to PTSD.