Via Tracy Crossley

on Dec 14, 2012

Married to Fear.

Photo: Jimee, Jackie, Tom, and Asha

It’s a daily conversation.

Me and fear, trying to get along, as I do what I can to live fully each day and keep my eyes open for hints that my work will have a return on it, toward the accomplishing of my dreams and goals.

Oh tis true fear; how I love thee, let me count thy ways.

I want to know and own all of my fear—name it and go through its tight constricting grip on my Universe of dreams to the other side…to where I’ve never been thanks to fear limiting my world.

Nickname all the fear, which is unclear, that comes to me as fleeting thoughts and where I’ve made some decisions without being in the present moment. Unveil it now.

I have a conversation each morning as I rise, as the fear of doom from some restless dream remains with me. As I clear my mind, and realize it’s not just the dream, but it’s my reality. I ask, “How will I approach the day?”

Asking myself more questions, “Why am I in the current situations I find myself?”

Not to analyze every step mentally, but what’s the feeling behind why I’m here?

What vehicle drove me to this location—on what road did I take? What’s the draw, the benefit to my surroundings? What’s the cost each day I stay in this place? Where was I conditioned to think I must overcome or fight this battle and win? What do I win?

Nothing inside of me feels like a battle against myself—I continue to reinvent where the fear resides in me and yet the external remains unchanged. Frustrating.

I can’t second-guess myself with “did I take a wrong turn in the past?”

Do I worry any longer of what others think? Am I weak not strong, stupid not smart or vulnerable and without a clue?

Those fears don’t matter really, yet can I completely disregard those voices in my head?

It’s been a long conversation with fear.

At times, fear still manages to take the wheel and drive without my seeming knowledge or permission.

Today, I feel it.

The changes of these last several years at the edge of the cliff; a letting go of the outworn values and conditioning, self-limiting beliefs I’ve been restricted by…

Have you experienced letting go of what limits you? Re-creating your life toward your dreams rather than remaining in wishful thinking?

It’s a whole other journey. There are still no guarantees you’ll achieve what you want, but it makes the living, so much more meaningful.

Everything outside of us is a symbol—it only has the meaning and power we give to it, which, depending on your circumstances, remains a variable.

What are the different options available for a new decision? A new life? Good question.

If you’re like me, you sit with your circumstances, digging deeper, asking your fear, “why?”

I find being with the smallness in me starts to unravel the ties that bind me from my own light. I watch the iron clasps melt away like butterflies newborn on a summer day, as I go into my hell to be purified from the demon within that says “no” I am not worthy.

What can you say to fear?

About a year ago, I said these words to myself:

“Be consistent; how do I treat me like I matter all the time? And in accordance; I seek a mirror, which reflects the consistency of treating myself with kindness and acknowledging my value. I’m committed to show up for myself. And even if it’s difficult, I’ll communicate honestly with me, stay committed and be supportive of my mistakes and weaknesses. This means I can’t run, hide or cut off from myself.”

Try saying something like that to yourself if you wanna get unstuck from fear’s grip.

Mindfulness and awareness.

Awareness requires an elevated amount of attention to your inner life; it’s much better than wallowing in a high level of discomfort, because you’re stuck.

How do you change it? Dig deeper to unveil the fear keeping you trapped and as you walk, you may notice it’s foggy and heavy.

And then ask the question; “What is so old in me that I can’t give or receive from this place? Is it numb?”

Stay in this uncomfortable space, hunkered down, feeling the heaviness, the fogginess…watching for an answer…where did this fear start and how is it true? (It’s not.)

Tell yourself: “Time to really commit, down on the mat…let’s go fear, c’mon, show me what you got…let’s go! Can I recognize all its insidious ways, those elusive feelings and thoughts; can I catch them with my butterfly net?”

Keep moving through the fear, call it by name! Stay committed to unveiling the fear…

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Tracy Crossley is a hyphenate: female, writer-for-hire, curiosity quencher, artist, poet, gardener of real gardens and existential ones, clairvoyant, momma to grown ups, intuitive coach aka "The Pattern Buster and Relationship Weaver" and VERY imperfect chick. She is currently editing the two books she wrote last year, coaching clients, writing for the EIF Revlon Run/Walk and developing her business. If you want to learn more about her, please check out her website , facebook page , blog and on twitter. She is also featured in the Winter edition and upcoming Fall edition of the Law of Attraction magazine. And if you really want to get some quality time with her, join her for her free teleseminar on relationships; May 30th. Peace.