Peace Motherf***ers! What I’m Leaving Behind from 2012. ~ Michelle Marchildon.

Via on Dec 27, 2012

peace

For many of us, it was a year defined by massive transformation and loss. I hope it means that we have survived a clearing of Universal proportions for 2013.

For me, I lost Anusara, a yoga school I loved, and innocence about the teachers I adored. Moving forward, this is what I’m now leaving behind forever.

Anything “Auspicious.”

I should have known better when I spent $10,000 and five years of my life studying a yoga system that hailed the world “Auspicious.” Because truthfully, that was the kind of word we writers pondered when extremely high. “Auspicious,” “radical” and “totally cool double rainbows” all seemed, well, more auspicious under the influence of something stronger than downward facing dog.

Branded Yoga.

I’m done with brands, unless they are on a purse. Anusara, Bikram, The Roots, Forrest, Jivamukti—whatever. While each has benefits and clarifies the style of practice you will find in a class, none are perfect. That was my realization: there is no one style of yoga that is better than the rest. From now on I’m just going to practice regular-old yoga, you know, the kind that makes you feel better. After everything I spent to become a branded yoga teacher, I am now a Hatha teacher and proud.

Handstand.

I finally got it in the middle of a room! Now I’m over this pose and moving on. If I never achieve it again, I will still live a happy life. Okay, maybe I want it just one more time…

Love and Light.

I’m filing this with “Namaste,” “Blessings,” and “May your days be filled with shri.” I’m done with the tireless yogic speak because too often these words are used to cover up very un-yogic actions. I’m also over hostile emails from yoga studios threatening to cut pay, fire teachers, and install cameras to thwart stealing and signing it all with “peace.” Yes, peace to you, motherfu%&ers. At least I’m honest.

The Relentlessly Positive.

There is something so utterly depressing about the relentlessly positive people in yoga. They are the ‘Stepford Wives of Shri.’ And they are all over my columns with shri-filled comments! I even had a shri-demented troll this year who stalked me because being funny isn’t yogic. Please people, there are so many yogis writing rainbow-covered blogs about love and the joys of being vegan. Go read them! Mine are rooted in reality for the yogi who’s not yet perfect.

Low Self Esteem.

If this is the year to move forward, then I am leaving behind the yogi plague of low self-esteem. Teachers can hardly correct alignment anymore because it seems that everyone needs to be told – constantly – they are perfect.  If you suspect that you may not be perfect and you want to feel stronger and healthier, then by all means come to my class. If, however, you need to be told that you are divine and shri all the time, then I know a branded yoga that’s just right for you.

Namaste bitches!

~

Ed: Kate B.

Like elephant yoga on Facebook.

About Michelle Marchildon

Michelle Berman Marchildon is the Yogi Muse. She’s an award-winning journalist, and the author of Finding More on the Mat: How I Grew Better, Wiser and Stronger through Yoga. Her second book, Theme Weaver: Connect the Power of Inspiration to Teaching Yoga, is for yoga teachers who want to inspire their students. Michelle is a columnist for elephant journal and Origin Magazine and a contributor to Teachasana, My Yoga Online and Yoga Journal. She is an E-RYT 500 with Yoga Alliance and teaches in Denver, Co where she is busy raising two boys, two dogs and one husband. You can follow her on Facebook at Michelle Marchildon, The Yogi Muse. You can find her blog and website at www.YogiMuse.com. And you can take her classes on www.yogadownload.com.

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25 Responses to “Peace Motherf***ers! What I’m Leaving Behind from 2012. ~ Michelle Marchildon.”

  1. Handstand?? Really? You're not leaving Handstand behind. Since I know you are not leaving Handstand behind, I now question the auspices of your article. Where's the shri? Where's the love? How come you don't acknowledge us as the perfect beings we are? ***Gag*** sorry…I was having a moment there ;)

  2. Michelle Marchildon says:

    You got me Andrew. I can't leave Handstand behind just as I can't leave chocolate, a pinot noir or any of you motherfu**ing positive people. You are stuck with me, as I am with you, for a little longer.

  3. Mary Mc says:

    LMAO — It's unlikely I will ever do a handstand in the middle of the room or otherwise; I'm leaving my desire to do so in 2012; I'm also leaving behind a job I've been at for 11 years. I will no longer be V.P. of anything but I will be CEO, COO and CFO of my own life, thank freaking God. Oh wait, my job is leaving me, doesn't matter, I'm still thanking God.

    • Michelle Marchildon says:

      You will get handstand in the middle of the room. And then you can kiss that sucker goodbye, or keep it forever. But it will be your choice.

      • bea says:

        I covet handstand in the middle of the room. And I will stalk it until I get it, and then decide what to do with it.

  4. Ariane says:

    Amen to all that, Michelle! Reposting everywhere and loving you for keeping it real and funny. Here’s to freedom in 2013 and forevermore. XO

  5. Michelle Marchildon says:

    I seriously considered changing in 2012 because of all the whining that I am sooooo mean and not funny, and not yogic, blah blah blah. But then I decided, even the honey bee has a little sting, and I was meant to be a bee. I'm not a fluffy unicorn. I'm a freaking bee. But I make some sweet honey too.

    • The problem, Michelle is that you are mean and not funny. Plus, despite your extensive training, amicable manner, wealth of yogic knowledge, willingness to question the dogma, excellent sense of humor in a self-deprecating way, and all around awesomeness, you are just not yogic. I mean, c'mon, Michelle. I think it's time to look for the good…Honey!

  6. delicia says:

    I am ready to ditch the Love and Light. Thanks for acknowledging the studio owners that ream you a@* for everything but wrap it all in a blanket of "blessings" . Here's to Honesty and Integrity in 2013!!

  7. linda says:

    a 'shri demented troll'….made my day Thanks for the chuckle.

    • Michelle Marchildon says:

      Love that you loved that. That shri demented troll made my life miserable. Had to call the police and file a complaint she was so earnestly yogic. Do these people know no bounds to their relentless positivity? Her yoga teacher had to inform her that causing harm was actually, not yogic. Geeeeesh.

  8. Jocelyne says:

    Michelle, you rock! End of!
    Can't be doing with fairy dust yogis either.

  9. iambethanne says:

    Always love your writing and sense of humor…definitely don't leave either of those behind in 2012!!!

  10. Sherry says:

    LOVE THIS!!

  11. Seamus says:

    Don't call this journalism. It is not.

    • Well, that's right. This would be a blog. I look forward to reading your forays into real journalism, Seamus. Maybe you can show this Michelle woman a thing or two about real writing.

      • Seamus says:

        She calls it "indie yoga journalism" or some such nonsense elsewhere.

        • Michelle Marchildon says:

          Andrew was being sarcastic, Seamus. It's hard to tell in writing, but he's actually secretly in love with me. I was a working journalist for 15 years, won AP, UPI, Knight Ridder and Scripps Howard awards. Was nominated (didn't win) for a Pulitzer. Graduated from Columbia Univ. School of Journalism. I've written a book, and have a second coming out shortly. If there's another journalist here with as much experience, national recognition and awards as I have, then let them criticize my work. Thanks.

  12. Rebecca says:

    I love you! You have just given me permission to keep being myself! I've read your book which I absolutely loved and even underlined things in there…
    I'm about to embark on my 200 hour and I have been super anxious about it, but thanks to you, no more! I am who I am and I will take from the training what is intended for me to take and I will teach (or not) in the way that feels 'yogi' to me….whatever happens-happens…
    Keep writing! You are awesome for being real…………………………

  13. Michel says:

    Thanks Michelle for this article. Finally a yoga teacher who is talking straight and real. I would fly down from Canada and take a class with you. :). I agreed with brand name yoga. I don’t get it. I tried anasura and Forrest yoga and guess what we are doing the same the asanas in both of them. WTF Yoga is yoga. Does anasura own warrior two? Does Forrest yoga own headstand? If you want a reality check on yoga, ask yogis if they practice at home. 9 out of ten will say no. When you start practicing at home you realized how real yoga is . No teacher selling their brand, no mirrors, no teacher talking about pretty colors and unicorns. Just you and your breath. Talk about grounding and connecting with yourself Now I do the opposite. I practice at home and go to the studio once in a while
    Thanks Michelle. Hope someday to take a class with you.

    Michel.

  14. [...] far, the entire six weeks of 2013 is shaping up to be a blessed year of blessings in yoga. Omg I can’t believe I just wrote that in ‘yoga [...]

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