When I was married my life had a certain structure.
There was a certainty, reliability and a predictability that I could depend upon. My calendar went out a year, even 18 months, into the future. Vacations could be planned and social engagements scheduled because there was no reason not to. While I may not have been happy, or fulfilled, I was living the life I was “supposed” to live, as the wife and mother I was supposed to be.
But then came my divorce. A decision that would ultimately be in the best interest of both of us, but that also came with far more transition that I ever imagined.
It was not just the ending of my marriage and the re-defining of my relationship with my Ex as co-parents, but it was the massive social, financial, professional, recreational, sexual and romantic transitions as well. I quickly realized that it was not just the end of a relationship, but a complete life transformation.
I was starting over.
Truth be told, I felt liberated in many ways, and excited to finally play the role of me, not only that of a wife and mother. I wanted desperately to walk fully in being a woman; a vibrant, smart, sexy, confident and bold woman. But I wasn’t really sure exactly how to go about making it happen. It felt overwhelming, frightening, and bigger than me.
I was scared.
I was unsure.
I felt alone in this new journey forward.
So, here’s the truth: UPS is not going to deliver your new life to you. It isn’t going to just happen on its own, no matter how clearly you know what you want.
It takes a desire to have the life you imagine, the life that lives deep within you, where your greatest passions and the truth of what makes your heart sing resides. And it takes a commitment to doing whatever it takes. I knew that even though I couldn’t see it yet, my new and extraordinary life was waiting for me, and I was ready to go for it.
If you are ready to reclaim the life you desire, and don’t know where to begin, start here.
I knew that I was ready to reclaim my power, purpose and passion, but I wasn’t sure at first what that would look and feel like. I had new responsibilities, commitments—and even restrictions—as a result of my divorce. I also knew that I would have to be creative and clear about what my new life would look like, if I was even going to attempt to create it.
It took time, and really good support, to create my vision with clarity and courage. I worked hard to get clear, being as creative, as intentional and as bold as I could be. I created a vision that was juicy, sexy, ambitious, clever, fun and meaningful. It was such a big vision that in some ways it scared me. It seemed as though it was asking too much. I wasn’t sure I deserved it, or that I would be able to manifest it, but I chose to accept it as a challenge. The challenge has been well worth it.
When married, I could rely on the predictability of my future. The plans, the calendar and the milestones were dependable. After my divorce, I didn’t even know what was happening each weekend. Every day was the chance to experience something new. The level of uncertainty, unreliability and unpredictability can make life after divorce uncomfortable. And it is this discomfort that often causes us to retreat into the shadow of isolation and fear. Therefore, it is so important to be open to opportunities and possibilities, to take advantage of the spontaneous and often unanticipated experiences that present themselves as a result of taking bold steps towards your new future. Your fear may try and convince you to resist these opportunities, so it is up to you to remain steadfast in your commitment to be open.
Create a Plan
Talk is cheap. A vision will remain a vision unless action is taken to achieve it. Creating your new life will take work; relentless discipline, creating new habits, and consistent attention to taking action daily.
So many of us sit back and wait. We wait for our new life to magically appear. After all, we deserve it after having been forced to manage such an enormous transition, one that you may or may not have asked for. When it doesn’t magically appear, we are frustrated, upset and convinced that it is not possible to achieve.
The life you desire is not only possible, but it is closer than you can imagine. However, it won’t come to you. You will need to work for it. You will need to create an action plan built on taking one step at a time every day. It doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, space and energy.
We have become an impulsive and impatient society. We expect to make changes in our lives simply and quickly, looking for anything we can to make the process easier. But that is not the way it really works. The creation of the life you truly want will not only be done overnight, but the same commitment and discipline it will take to create it, will also be required to sustain it. It is a lifelong journey.
Embrace it. Embrace the challenge, the work and the opportunity to grow and learn along the way. Your life will be enriched in ways you never anticipated, and that will guide you towards a destiny beyond your wildest expectations!
Laura Campbell is the CEO of the D Spot, blog, an Extraordinary Love Strategist, and Divorce Expert. She works exclusively with extraordinary women to find extraordinary love. The women she serves are passionate about creating the life and love they imagine, during and after divorce. Through the D Spot she is dedicated to helping women regroup, renew and reinvent themselves through the continuum of the divorce process and as they design and move forward in their new lives. Her passion and true life purpose is to educate, inspire and empower women to strategically create the life that they envision and deserve. Through her proprietary “Love Readiness Assessment”, she guides women through a process of both preparing for and setting the foundation for attracting and sustaining effortless and extraordinary love; and integrating it into their real and dynamic lives. She is an author, speaker, blogger, coach and ROCKIN’ mom of two teenage boys! Follow Laura on twitter!
Ed: Kate B.