7 Ways to Let Go of Insults from an A**hole.

Via on Jan 20, 2013

The Jerk Whisperer

How to Not Let Jerks Bother You.

As a blogger and as a human being, I receive feedback from others—some of which can feel like a personal assault.

The reality of life is that not everyone out there likes making other people happy. Sadly, there are people who actually derive enjoyment from being nasty to others.

So, here’s how you can refuse to not let those jerks upset your equilibrium:

1. Assess what was said objectively.

If the assault was verbal, then assess if you agree with what was said. Could you take it and use it as constructive criticism even if the delivery was less than ideal? Or was this person’s statement to you really only useful as a weapon of hurt (because there was nothing truthful or helpful in it)?

If your honest answer is the former, then try as hard as you can to turn your unpleasant interaction into self-improvement, and if not, then allow your mind to focus on the positive reality of you.

2. Understand where he/she was coming from.

If the offensive person doesn’t deserve to be treated with understanding, you do. Take time to assess the underlying why behind this person’s aggression.

Is she jealous of you? Does she feel threatened?

Granted, you can’t crawl inside another person’s head, so you’ll never know for sure where she was coming from, but it will help you to let go of hurtful words.

3. Learn self-love.

Treating yourself with love is something that should be practiced. Notice, and then focus on, what you like and enjoy about yourself and your life. Go out of your way to not permit negative self statements to live inside your thoughts. There is something real in the idea that thoughts become words and words become actions, so try to force your inner voice to speak with kindness.

With time, it will become your fluent, first language.

4. Talk to someone who loves you.

Hopefully you have someone in your life who loves you and always makes you feel better. This can be anyone: your partner, your mom, sister, or just a dear friend. Sometimes the easiest way to let go of something hurtful is to unload to another person—and let them say the right things to lift you back up.

5. Have fun.

Often we just need to clear our energy. Do something you love. Practice yoga and dedicate your mat time to a quality you love about yourself. Watch a silly movie with a friend. Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter. Relax and enjoy yourself.

6. Remember what matters.

Don’t give assholes more importance in your life than they deserve. Sometimes the thing that helps me the most is looking at my two-year-old daughter.

7. Reclaim your own power.

I kind of hate that statement that no one has the ability to make you feel bad without your permission, because people do make us feel bad. Still, there’s a deeper truth in this.

In the end, you are the only one who decides to carry around your baggage and to allow other people to affect you. So reclaim your right to your own happiness and to your own personal power. Feel strong in the awareness that, while someone might say things about you, it doesn’t make them true—and it doesn’t have to be your reality.

Remember, if you meet 500 strangers, there will be 500 different opinions of you, but the only one that matters is yours.


Letting to of hurtful words and interactions with others is challenging—but it is possible.

Most importantly, when we stop carrying around unnecessary baggage, we make room to invite bigger and better things (and people) into our lives—and into ourselves.



Like elephant I’m not “Spiritual.” I just practice being a good person on Facebook.



Ed: Bryonie Wise


(Source: data.whicdn.com via Darlene on Pinterest)



About Jennifer S. White

Jennifer is a voracious reader, obsessive writer, passionate yoga instructor and drinker of hoppy ales. She's also a devoted mama and wife (a stay-at-home yogi). She considers herself to be one of the funniest people that ever lived and she's also an identical twin. In addition to her work on elephant journal, Jennifer has over 40 articles published on the wellness website MindBodyGreen and her yoga-themed column Your Personal Yogi ran in the newspaper Toledo Free Press. She holds a Bachelor's degree in geology, absolutely no degrees in anything related to literature, and she currently owns a wheel of cheese. If you want to learn more about Jennifer then make sure to check out her writing, as she's finally put her tendencies to over-think and over-share to good use. Jennifer's first book, The Best Day of Your Life, is now available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Instagram and on her website.


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11 Responses to “7 Ways to Let Go of Insults from an A**hole.”

  1. Love this Jennifer! It's so much harder to put into practice than to say it, but I definitely appreciate the reminder.

    • Jennifer S. White Jennifer White says:

      Thanks, Kate. I absolutely agree with you, too. For me, these are the tips that I'm constantly repeating to myself and practicing, and it might be for a lifetime!

  2. Carolyn Riker Carolyn Riker says:

    Awesome article! "Don't take it personally" is another phrase I can't stand but it rings so much truth. thanks for some practical reminders.

    • Jennifer S. White Jennifer White says:

      Thanks! I hear you on the "don't take it personally;" and I also agree that finding truth in these phrases can be helpful to our character.

  3. Great suggestions, concise and useful tools. Thanks Jennifer!

    • Jennifer S. White Jennifer White says:

      Cool, thanks, Caitlin! I was really trying to make applicable suggestions, so I appreciate that feedback.

  4. Renee Picard smallgrl says:

    Right on the money. I've been thinking about this lately in many contexts, partly starting to think about it more after observing feedback to some (potentially) spoken word poetry, and just talking to the poets about how they felt when that happened. Sometimes the most amazing thing is if words that are perceived as harsh can evolve into meaningful dialogue. I suppose both parties have to be pretty aware in order for that to happen.

    Still, I'm so interested in art and writing that inspires real conversation, even if it starts out with 'I don't like this because….'. or, a slightly more asshole-ish response. Well, it's easier to be objective when you are the observer I guess! :)

    • Jennifer S. White Jennifer White says:

      I definitely think that I can thank some pretty terrible assholes out there for helping me be the person that I am today—and I'm thankful for that, even when I'm not thankful for them.

  5. Donovan says:

    You do understand that it was you all along that was making those comments against you, right?

  6. […] 7 Ways to Let Go of Insults from an A**hole. […]

  7. Nicole Weinberger says:

    Agreed. Asshole.

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