Love Magic: Synchronicity & Romantic Fate. ~ Gary S. Bobroff

Via on Feb 11, 2013

Source. Dawn Welch via Pinterest.
Source. Dawn Welch via Pinterest.

Romance: Fate or faux?

For those of us of the romantic disposition, imagining new love objects to be Ms. or Mr. Right is a chronic condition.

Such idealization is made even more irresistible when there are ‘fated‘ events, when we run into him or her coincidentally or when other synchronicities to do with them occur. When we meet them and, for example, after a lengthy chat, we reveal that we’ve been holding in our hand a black heart-shaped rock all this time and she opens her hand and shows us a white one just the same.

When a real out-of-the-ordinary meaningful coincidence happens, we fall immediately and blissfully into the presumption that ‘it’s fate’that this person is ‘the One.’

Photo: wikimedia commons
Photo: wikimedia commons

However, while synchronistic events are known to occur at the beginning of life-long happy partnerships, they also occur as a part of less successful, or even tragic, relationships. Coming to understand the truth of this latter possibility involves a loss of naïveté, but if we are lucky often something else is gained too.

Jung observed that synchronicities arrive in relation to the emotional activation of an individual “we observe them relatively frequently at moments of heightened emotional tension, which need not however be conscious.”[i] In noticing such a pattern in our world however, Jung was not discovering something entirely new, such an understanding is found throughout the ancient world.

In the East, it was the basis of the Tao and I Ching and in the West we find one example of it in the writings of a teacher of St. Thomas Aquinas:

“A certain power to alter things indwells in the human soul and subordinates the other things to her, particularly when she is swept into great excesses of love or hate or the like. For a long time I did not believe it…[but] I found that the emotionality of the human soul is the chief cause of all these things.”

~ Albertus Magnus, 1200-1280

It is a profound revelation and deeply meaningful, that we live in an era in which we are becoming aware of the way in which feeling extends beyond the body in these special moments but conscious apprehension of the meaning of these events also requires discrimination on our part.

Synchronistic incidents are drawn into form by the presence of emotional conditions in us and they point toward something active and alive, but unconscious in ourselves; toward something that we can come to learn about ourselves.

Here, a special meaning is evident—the ancient person might say that it shows the presence of the Gods—but we cannot say whether it is a blessing or a curse. Seeing past romantic illusions allows us to begin to draw insight from such experiences and to start to uncovering the meaning behind the larger patterns of who we are attracting.

Justine & Mark | A Rustic EngagementIn general, attributing to fate the role of bringing us our ‘right‘ or best romantic partners, gives away much of our power. “Faith is a disability insofar as it constrains you from self-interest,[ii] says Solomon and having too much faith in the universe demonstrates an abandonment of the power to choose; a natural authority given up; an unwillingness to exercise conscious, mature choice.

And it is just this royal authority in us, the ability to consciously say no to some and yes to others, that is a necessity for entering into mature partnership, for choosing to say ‘I do.’

Part of the shadow of the romantic type is pointed to here. Archetypally, the inability to choose consciously reflects the absence of the inner King or Queen, the quality in us that blesses and places value appropriately. The King or Queen archetype represents the natural flow of libido and feeling toward those qualities that serve our interests.

The psyche of the romantic type is often dominated by the opposite archetype, that of the child—that in us that resists parenting ourselves and prefers play and following the dictates of feeling. Going with the flow has its place, but it also reflects a refusal to stand up when it is needed, and often this is an on-going and regressive life-pattern.

However, within all of us there is also a larger instinct toward wholeness, toward the integration of all the parts of who we can be, toward the discovery and conscious development of our inner King or Queen.

Sometimes we must struggle to recover this part of our natural inheritance.

Synchronicity in our romantic lives is often a signpost pointing us that direction. While it may not indicate the blessing of a relationship, it almost always directs us toward pieces of ourselves that we need to reclaim to become more whole. These pieces might be recovered through loving, but they may are also sometimes recovered through leaving the relationship.

Sometimes we gain what we need in ourselves by learning to say ‘no.’

In synchronicity, the world reveals its nearness to us. It is active and responding to our inner life producing meaning to help us grow, but can we drop our ego’s need to make that meaning fit into a pretty little heart-shaped box for us?

It is terribly difficult not to get swept up into assuming that a new relationship is fated and blessed when synchronicities abound. Tragically, however, not every synchronicity is a blessing from Aphrodite. And, in an era infused with New Age thinking and naïve romanticism that sees all synchronicity as a simple romantic blessing, it is especially important that we learn that there is more than one God alive in us and seeking redemption.

Can we drop our ego’s agenda and still feel the wonder of being alive in a world filled with such mysterious, mischievous and occasionally un-pretty, meaning-making magic?

 

[i] Letters, vol. 2.

[ii] Far From The Tree, p. 33.

 

 

gary.bobroffGary S. Bobroff, M.A. has a Master’s degree in in Jungian-oriented Psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute of Santa Barbara, CA and is the author of Jung, Crop Circles & the Re-Emergence of the Archetypal Feminine (available on North Atlantic Books in Spring 2014).  His website is www.JungAndCropCircles.net. He also hosts the Best Synchronicity Ever! page on Facebook.

 

Like elephant love on Facebook.

 

 

Assistant Ed: Sarah Winner
Ed: Bryonie Wise

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52 Responses to “Love Magic: Synchronicity & Romantic Fate. ~ Gary S. Bobroff”

  1. jim fry says:

    Beautiful. Not sure how you nailed my life and alignments, so succinctly … so, voyeuristically!

    I've often questioned if I've generated vapor meaning, where there was a void to fill, versus genuinely perceiving, that which is. As we author our story lines, it is often a curious juxtaposition, of All of the Above.

  2. KA says:

    Great stuff – very smart, very grown up.

  3. jenny says:

    Yep, this definitely hits the nail on the head. I am in a crisis of sorts with this exact scenario… How do you maintain faith in the universe, faith in yourself, and maintain a sense of reality? I don't want to sacrifice the naivety I feel is required for me to seek and accept/give love unconditionally, however, believing that every person you fall in love with is "the one" is a dangerous habit. When it doesn't work out, accepting that "fate" was not what you thought it was, is very difficult, and it can be a very very long and painful process trying to recoup. Of course, the pain of a break up is unavoidable but you can certainly save yourself some devastation by accepting that fate is elusive and it's called fate because we cannot know it. It is beyond our comprehension, if it exists at all.

  4. Cc says:

    Thank you! I’d heard of the “queen” archetype before but it was never explained so well.

  5. Dawn Cartwright Dawn Cartwright says:

    Thank you, Gary, this is the most helpful article I've ever come across – anywhere. You've described me to a T. A dear friend sent me this link just at the moment in my life when the synchronicities had begun to crumble into dust between my fingertips. I am ready.

  6. Robin Malayter says:

    This applies to so many things. The ability to remove ego and see truth leads to authenticity but its not easy. Can't go aroun it, over it, under it, but through it. God has a way of busting us when we need it most.

  7. John Gallagher says:

    Good article. I thought the last one was The One and believed it to be fated. She didn't turn out to be the One but our relationship was very meaningful and I learned many lessons which moved me forward in my life journey and my individuation. Therefore it definitely was meant to be.

  8. Here's a link to the Best Synchronicity Ever! facebook group . . . http://www.facebook.com/groups/245518262128/

  9. Gabriela says:

    Who said spirituality was for the weak-minded? This requires so much strenght, so much reason. To be able to detach yourself from your own desires, from your own fantasies. I have to admit, I've been a captive for so long. We need more like you to wake us up, those of us lost in their own worlds…

    • Yes it does Gabriela thank you. Compulsion is always a sign that something unconscious is involved. The opposite end of the coin is creative conscious participation—bring feeling into a choice in reality…

  10. Lori Bell says:

    I wasn't sure what to expect when I first started reading this, but was satisfied by the time I got to the end. Gary, I invite you (and other readers here) to take a look at some of my posts recently at http://thebluemoonturtleblog.blogspot.com/. Maybe you are familiar with the book "Invisible Partners" by John Sanford?

    I will offer in brief my fairly recent intuition/feeling/theory: Love "feels like" EFFORT, the expression of will to counter "tendencies" both biological (emotional/biochemical), and psychological that arise spontaneously (for better or worse) in our relating with others.

    Just since yesterday, Valentine's Day, I have come to the intuition/feeling/theory: Faith is what is necessary before we are willing to expend the Effort of Love. Faith may be naive or it may be rational, with the latter being the more mature and conscious of the two. Rational Faith takes Evidence into consideration, objective data, which is not always easy to obtain, especially where "projections" (of shadow, anima, and/or animus) are concerned.

    However, once one becomes more "self-aware" by integrating shadow, anima and/or animus, one can also be more Objective in one's observations, and therefore more capable of Rational Faith – which can be an amazingly strong foundation for the Will to Love, the Desire to Expend energy on behalf of oneself, others, and the benefit of the World.

    You may see some of this comment on the blog soon – as I was just thinking about writing about this more today. Thanks for the inspiration! :)

    • Lori yes I love John Sanford's "Invisible partners" its one of my favorite Jungian books for couples. Thank you I will check out your blog!

      • Yes indeed Rational Faith — I love it!

      • Lori Bell says:

        Hi, Gary. If you are familiar with "Invisible Partners", by chance are you also familiar with "About Men and Women: How Your Masculine and Feminine Archetypes Shape Your Destiny" by Tad and Noreen Guzie? They are both "Paulist Press" publications.
        http://www.amazon.com/About-Men-Women-Masculine-A

        • Lori Bell says:

          Also, in case you miss the blog on the subject, in my most recent re-reading of "Invisible Partners" I came to the conclusion that although our "projections" may represent important and as yet "unknown" or "unrecognized and integrated" parts of ourselves, they are nevertheless Distortions of those parts. My premise is that the very Act of Suppression (or "Repression") gives these characteristics/traits more "energy" than they would otherwise have, so that when they breach the surface of consciousness (like a repressed ball bursting out of the water), for better or worse, they will still be Distorted. I feel that has to be taken into consideration when we then begin to re-internalize these aspects of ourselves. We don't want to make the mistake of seeing ourselves as All That Great or, on the other hand, All That Terrible, depending on the nature of those projections.

          • Lori Bell says:

            By the way, this has implications for our thinking of ourselves as "Divine" as well. Although, woe be to me, for suggesting this, but the logic is there; i.e. if I have "projected" some aspect of myself as being "Omnipotent" or "Omniscient", etc., and then in "reintegrating" that into myself, I presume that "I" actually "Am" Omnipotent and Omniscient (or capable of that), then, I may be getting into some very slippery territory.

            My recent considerations have led me to believe we may be better off just learning what it means to be Fully Self-Aware and Otherwise ORDINARY human beings, rather than aspiring to Be or regain "Union" with our "God Projections".

            I'm not denying that such an Overriding Consciousness Does Exist, I'm just relaxing my motive to also try to Be That. I think there are enough challenges to be met just Being a Functional HUMAN Being, and that is where I am choosing to focus more and more of my attention.

        • Hi Lori: "About Men and Women" is one of the foundational works for my work on the Archetypes of the Feminine & Masculine workshop (see http://www.YourMyth.com and http://www.facebook.com/YourMyth). It is one of the lenses that I use more than any other to see the world. Super-familiar with it (and all of the other work that was its foundation, Toni Wolff, etc…) and LOVE it. Great book choices you have made!

          • Lori Bell says:

            Well…sometimes it felt more like "they chose me", but, yes, those books have been pivotal in my self-and other understanding and I feel I am coming into a place in my life where I have some things to add. Otherwise, I'm all for others becoming more familiar with the full range of expression for men and women that goes beyond "male" and "female" as only "Mothers" and "Fathers", "Amazons", and "Warriors", to include "Companions" and "Seekers", "Mediums", and "Sages". I hope your workshops are being well attended and received.

          • they have been thanks!

          • Lori Bell says:

            Okay, just checked and I "Liked" the FB page a long time ago. Sent a message, or posted something, but never heard anything back…?

          • Lori Bell says:

            By the way…Do you know if there's a chance for a new printing of "About Men and Women…"? There can only be so many copies left out there!

          • its been out of print for a long time – in fact, I snapped up the last copies on Amazon a few years back. They're may be new (used) ones on there now. I don't think it'll ever be re-printed but I am writing a new book on that topic that will be out in 2015 or so…

          • Lori Bell says:

            If you want a case study of a now mature "Companion/Medium" who has been familiar with these ideas since around 1997-98, let me know.

            One other question, have you seen "Dangerous Beauty", the movie about the life of Veronica Franco who was a courtesan in Venice in the 1500's?

          • Ha nice Lori! I'll let you know :) I haven't seen "Dangerous Beauty" but I'll look for it — a classic Companion profile?

          • Lori Bell says:

            …juxtaposed very clearly with the "Mother". It's one of the best movies I've seen that illustrates that.

          • Ah ha – nice looks like a 'must watch' for me. thanks Lori!

          • we'll have to have you to one of our workshops. I know you are traveling – are you East Coast, West Coast, somewhere in between?

          • Lori Bell says:

            Yes to "all of the above"! East Coast (Florida) as of February 27th. Texas (hopefully) by April 2013, and then riding my bicycle back across the country to Santa Barbara, CA (hopefully) by July 2013.

          • Wow amazing journey! Well we'll be doing a bunch of workshop in 2014 and you'll see 'em on the FB page (www.facebook.com/YourMyth) so you won't miss it.

  11. Lori Bell says:

    Oh…and one other thing…for the longest time, I've been in agreement that "Love" was the "opposite" of "Fear". But now, I've decided that Faith is actually the "opposite" of Fear, and as I said above, it is Faith that gives us the courage to exert Love as Effort in our relationships – with ourselves, with each other, with the World, with the Divine, etc,. etc.

    Does that make sense?

    I welcome everyone's feedback.

    • HI Lori Bell: I love your depth of commentary and will check out your blog. I'm the love editor here at elephant journal, perhaps you would like to write for us on your learnings and ideas about love? the Fear-Faith polarity in particular…
      Report

    • VFM says:

      I found this article to be very interesting and to the point..I always had un-aswered questions concerning synchronicity , yet, I recognized them and lived my life by them without knowing the positive or negative sides of it…one original synchro I found today…It was on my son's birthday ( but 4 years prior to his birth) that I began a pilgrimage by foot that lasted 500 miles..I met his mother during that trip..yet; a year prior to that trip I had had a dream concerning a wild cat eating a pilgrim..( I recorded the dream on my journal, 365 days prior to my departure) at the end of my trip a year later, I get a card with a pic of a wild cat in spanish, with the message ( I am going to eat you( it was from the mother of my son…I never put the pieces together until year laters…and even though I would not regret my son for anything in the world, the mother turned out to be the darkest night of my Soul, casing such troubles in my live to the point of deteriorating my health nearly to death ( once she saw me almost drown and did nothing about it) to make a long story short…I feel blessed to be divorced now….

      • Wow VFM. I totally relate. I wrote this from experience, the kind of experience many who commented here and on this article in other places have too. Its a strange, mysterious, wonderful world we live in . . .

  12. HI Lori Bell: I love your depth of commentary and will check out your blog. I'm the love editor here at elephant journal, perhaps you would like to write for us on your learnings and ideas about love? the Fear-Faith polarity in particular…

    • Lori Bell says:

      Hi, Lori Ann…

      Thank you for the feedback. Here's the blog that was "in process" at the time of my comments here: http://thebluemoonturtleblog.blogspot.com/2013/02

      I would welcome the opportunity to write for EJ, if you would like to contact me more directly my e-mail address is: llbell_100 (at) yahoo (dot) com. More than happy to review, rework, rewrite, anything you find of interest in the blog.

      (Just a note: As I have been [intentionally] "transient" for some time now, and will be at least until July of this year [when I finish my bike trek across the country], I have not renewed my EJ membership since it expired, so my opportunities to respond to comments here are limited at present.)

    • Sounds like a great article!

  13. Whitney says:

    Unbelievable. Talk about synchronicity!! Last week the man that turned my world into magic messaged out of the blue with his heart on his sleeve. Communication between us had slowly diminished. There never was an answer only the most beautiful of memories. A week after he reconnected with me and made plans to meet again… I go out with my girlfriends and who is standing in the middle of a glowing orb in the dead center of my pathway? He is. With another woman. It sent me into an emotional tailspin. He spent the rest of the evening pouring his heart out to me. And I’m the middle of me trying to put the pieces together, trying to hear the little voice of my tender heart, I find this article. Beautifully written, stout with truth. Namaste. Thank you.

  14. The correct link for the Best Synchronicity Ever! Facebook group is: https://www.facebook.com/groups/245518262128/

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