20 Things I’ve Learned About Men from Working at Penthouse. ~ Suzan Ryan

Via on Mar 5, 2013

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A female Penthouse editor sees men a bit differently than most women. Here’s how:

1. The majority of men, when looking at a woman’s body, assess attractiveness or appeal with 80 percent less judgment than women do. They look to see, and they also just look. (Percentage estimation my own.)


2. Most men don’t want a girlfriend with inner thighs as tight as bridge supports.

3. A man won’t notice or care that you’re wearing a couture skirt or carrying a fashionable handbag if you smile with your eyes as he approaches.

4. Ladies: don’t confuse drama with affection; learn to relax.

5. Don’t judge the content of a man’s character solely by the clothes he wears, and don’t get angry if he judges you on the length of your skirt; men determine what you’re looking for in direct proportion to how much skin you’re showing.

6. Women are more unforgiving than men when it comes to judging other women—no matter how dirty or sexist their jokes.

7. When men look at naked women they’re not thinking of you, or comparing your body to hers. Men just enjoy looking at women’s bodies because they are beautiful; not because they want to have sex with them…but a lot of the time they wouldn’t mind.

8. Ladies: shut up about your weight. Seriously. If you’re unhappy with your body, do something about it, don’t project your unhappiness onto your partner; it’s not his problem that you’re unsatisfied with your body, it’s yours.

9. Despite what you may think, strippers are rarely prostitutes; they’re just women who are comfortable in their skin. With strippers, men are free to admire a woman’s body without guilt—plus, strippers flirt without strings, which makes men feel attractive, and we all need our ego stroked occasionally.

10. You have $1500 shoes and men have sports and XBOX; there is yin and there is yang. And plenty of room for both.

11. Accept that your priorities will differ. More importantly, that your way of doing things is not necessarily the “right” way. Be open to compromise. Or split the cost of a cleaner.

12. Don’t call him when he’s out on a boy’s night; he needs time to let loose and to be a man in the company of other men. He’s not cheating on you…so don’t make him want to.

13. It’s great to talk, but tell him exactly what you need and why; don’t talk in circles and expect him to read between the lines. Men hate mind-reading games.

14. Don’t employ “the silent treatment” to communicate your anger. He knows you’re more evolved than that (at least he thinks so). Respect your partner (and yourself) by communicating clearly and with honesty. You’ll both be better for it.

15. Think about what turns you on and let him know what that is.

16. Take care to keep money in its place. Allowing money to become the focus of your relationship—yours, his or ‘ours’ —will crush love. Perspective is king.

17. Sometimes, letting go and being irresponsible (messy, forgetful, unwashed) for a weekend is enough to save a man’s sanity. Allow him some rope to play with.

18. Just one time, ask him what he would change about you, and listen to what he says (as your best friend and confidant, he knows what you need to work on). Be brave enough to embrace that honesty.

19. Be confident in yourself. He loves you, so why not allow that validation and support to be enough? It will make him proud.

20. Try something new together. It might be terrible but it’s a shared experience and these form the glue that keep you together.

 

(This article first appeared at Good Men Project.)

 

suzan ryabAbout Suzan Ryan
Suzan Ryan is a fan of noir, single malt scotch and clever conversation. She lives in Sydney, Australia, and is the Editor of Australian Penthouse magazine.

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Asst Ed: Lori Lothian/Ed: Kate Bartolotta

{Photo: Flickr.}

About The Good Men Project

The Good Men Project is a cerebral, new media alternative to glossy men’s magazines. Founded by Tom Matlack in 2009, it's become a social movement: an ongoing in-depth discussion asking “what does it mean to be a good man in these modern times?” Proceeds from The Good Men Foundation are used to support organizations that help at-risk boys.

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15 Responses to “20 Things I’ve Learned About Men from Working at Penthouse. ~ Suzan Ryan”

  1. Richard says:

    20 things about men or advise for women when dealing with men? I think it got jumbled up, but a good read nonetheless.

  2. [...] 20 Things I’ve Learned About Men from Working at Penthouse. ~ Suzan Ryan (elephantjournal.com) [...]

  3. orb-weaver says:

    are there any articles on this site dealing with gender in a non hetero-normative, non stereotypical way? that is a serious question, not an attack, and i don’t mean it has to be gay in nature necessarily, but not talking about women and their shoes and men and their sports. i read most of the articles here dealing with sex and about one percent of their content is relevant to me…if that. feminists or qeers here

    • No, you're right, any articles from a non-heteronormative perspective are few and far between, unfortunately. We do have several columnists who write from a broader perspective (Lyla Cicero and Krystal Baugher are two who come to mind) but we would always welcome a greater diversity of perspectives. One of my favorite recent articles from a non "traditional" perspective was this piece by one of our editorial apprentices: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/01/claiming-m

  4. Robin Turner says:

    Number 11 is brilliant. I would add as a corollary, "Don't explain how to perform domestic tasks that he carried out adequately for years before he met you."

  5. RobZorfull says:

    Wow !!! What a great article… Loved every line. Hope the women I have met in my life get to read it.. late though it may be..
    How wonderful it would be if we all just gave each other a bit more understanding.
    I'd like to Your guy Suzan.. haha

  6. RobZorfull says:

    EDIT…. Should have said….
    I'd like to BE Your guy Suzan.. haha

  7. chad says:

    Ha ha–I noticed that one of the articles listed on this edition of Elephant was something like "we're not here to fix each other" and yet most of the articles here contain fix-it advice for everybody from the oh-so-wise writers, who we know all have their own difficult problems. I'm a gay male, into yoga and meditation, mostly for remedial reasons, and I've found, in my 32 years with my partner, that most relationship struggles do not break down along gender lines but just differences in personality, character, background, communication styles, etc. I guess if I want to quit reading "10 Ways to Fix Yourself" I should unsubscribe from this serive.

  8. [...] 20 Things I’ve Learned About Men from Working at Penthouse. ~ Suzan Ryan (elephantjournal.com) [...]

  9. Yvette says:

    My man would not appreciate it at all, if I decided to be irresponsible or messy for even one weekend. What does messiness have to do with men? That's just a lack of general decency as a person, man or woman.

  10. this is dumb says:

    i dont have $1500 shoes, and he did cheat on me.

  11. so dumb says:

    don’t get angry if he judges you on the length of your skirt; men determine what you’re looking for in direct proportion to how much skin you’re showing.

    ugh

  12. Megan Lynn says:

    Sigh, hit every gender stereotype in the book. The title could have been "Ladies, you're jealous, shallow, self-centered shopaholics overly concerned with your weight. You made it this way, not men." I don't know about you guys, but I think men have played a larger part in creating a society of women who think their appearance is their most valuable trait.

    Worst article hosted by EJ yet.

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