“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”~ C.G. Jung
Be Cool and Don’t Be an Asshole may be the greatest spiritual teaching I’ve ever heard.
We’re all assholes sometimes—myself very much included. I’m not proud of it, but if I’m truly dedicated to becoming a better person and cultivating greater compassion for myself and others, I need to be honest about this.
The thing is, though, is that I—along with many others I know—we’re typically the biggest assholes towards ourselves.
For example, I’ve been a particularly big asshole to myself over the past few months as I’ve been finishing up the rough draft of a manuscript for my editor. Thoughts like, “You’re a terrible writer” “You don’t have anything of worth to say” and “You’re setting yourself up for embarrassment and failure” have made temporary residence in my mind, and for one reason or another, I’ve allowed them to stay… but why?
I mean, if I overheard someone saying any of that stuff to someone else, whether it was a friend, family member, or even a complete stranger, I know I would have stepped in on their behalf, and I’m guessing that most likely you would have too. Yet, when it comes to the self-inflicted asshole syndrome, we usually just let it ride.
So why is it that so many of us feel unworthy of the very same love we so freely share with other people? And why is it easier to show compassion to a complete stranger, than it is to the person looking back at us in the mirror?
My honest and simple answer is, I don’t know. I mean sure, I could offer you a handful of spiritual and psychological theories, things I’ve personally learned and implemented throughout my life, many of which have helped, but the fact remains, the self-negating thoughts still arise.
I used to try to play spiritual superhero by suppressing these thoughts, or, when it was too difficult to suppress them, I’d lie to myself and pretend like they didn’t bother me (which was obviously a complete crock of shit.) But it’s through facing these thoughts and acknowledging the mental and emotional impact they have on us however, rather than pretending like they don’t exist and that everything is love and light, that they begin to happen less frequently and with less force behind them.
So I guess the one completely cliché spiritual thing I’ll leave you with, which I find works significantly well in guiding the mind away from asshole territory is to remind ourselves that underneath our material forms, we really are all One.
And remember, when Ram Dass said, “Treat everyone you meet like God in drag,” he didn’t mean everyone except yourself, because you, you’re just God in drag too silly. So stop being an asshole towards God, okay.
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Ed: Kate Bartolotta
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July’s Full Moon in Capricorn: The Heart wants what it Wants. The 4 Stages of a Good Divorce. Our Soulmates are Rarely Who We Expect. A Letter to my Children: You do not come from a Broken Home. Men, Let’s Stop Fooling Ourselves: Size Matters. To the One Who Tried to Break Me. An Open Letter to the Fixers. How your Stored Memories in the Amygdala can lead to PTSD. Mom, can I Call her Mom, Too? Jon Stewart makes first appearance since retiring—”it’s not your country.”