I am no longer willing to believe I am betraying the sisterhood by having sex.
Good sex. With a man. That I enjoy. A lot.
I am still a feminist.
I grieve for the experience of women these past 2,000 years. I cry for millions who lost their lives because they are women and who still suffer today because of their sex. I resolutely agree that there has been (and is still) too much abuse, degradation and inequality.
I have experienced it as a woman, but have also seen it meted out toward men. I have deep respect and appreciation for women who exposed their own livelihoods, reputations and even lives so others like me may have the same freedoms as men—freedoms that I see as inherent rights for all life on this planet.
I have railed against patriarchy, plotted revenge and denied access to my heart and my bed. I have made penis jokes, compared asses, ridiculed men’s intelligence and wondered, at times, how they tied their shoes and for that I am ashamed.
I am, however, no longer ashamed of loving men. I am no longer willing to be at war with men. I am no longer willing to deny my sexual current, my sensual feminine and my own appreciation of men. I refuse to believe I am sleeping with the enemy.
I am no longer willing to feel ashamed of my desire, my attractiveness and my curves. I refuse to be conservative because that is what “classy girls” do. On the other hand, I refuse to be an abrasive bitch just to offend the patriarchy. I refuse to give up lipstick, lingerie or my bra because they are tools of misogyny. I need my bra. It not only helps keep my breasts in place but they look much better in it!
There was a time when I gave pause to my femininity.
I gave pause to my desire. I gave pause to my relationship. I gave pause to sex because I felt ashamed. I felt like I was letting the sisterhood down by screaming my lungs out in joy with a man. I felt wrong that sex did not feel wrong. I was afraid the Feminist Gestapo would find out I allowed the enemy within—literally. It almost cost me marriage and the man I love with my whole heart. It almost cost me my sweet essence as a woman. Is this what feminists really wanted for women?
I don’t believe so. So I got over it. I let myself be this powerful, sexy, feminine, desiring woman. I created a vision for my self, my relationship, my marriage, and my sexuality that felt good at all levels for me. I let go of dogma, slogans, literature and even pornography and let myself be a feminist in love with men, in love with love, in love with life—and I felt the sweetness of it all.
And now I have to go find my amazing husband. I think our bedroom is now free.
Like elephant Love & Relationships on Facebook.
Ed: B. Bemel
hot on elephant
A letter to the Anger that refuses to Leave Me. 1,369 share Learn to Rock your Social Media & Write Mindfully with Waylon Lewis & Elephant’s Editors. 5 shares 2017’s First Full Moon in Cancer: Everything we Want is on the Other Side of Fear. 22,547 shares Why I Snort Raw Cacao. 9,294 shares The Best Marriage Advice from a Divorced Woman. 1,952 share If you Love her, Don’t Destroy Her. 6,721 shares The True Meaning of Friday the 13th (isn’t what we think). 5,229 shares How to Disentangle ourselves from Karmic Relationships that Drive us Crazy. 146 shares You’ve Ruined Me for Anyone Else. 1,730 share 2017 is The Year of Kali, Goddess of Endings & Beginnings. 2,281 shares