I think my parents had high hopes and expectations of me as a child.
Perhaps all parents do. After all, aren’t we reflections of who our parents really are and who they could have been?
So what happened?
I became an overachiever. In the worst way.
I had to be amazing. I had to be great. I had to be worthy of my parents’ pride.
When you are programmed to feel like you have to achieve in order to be succeed, you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders.
What if deep down my idea of amazing didn’t mirror my parents’?
What if I didn’t measure success in the same way, but didn’t know how to stand up for myself?
It took me a long time to tease apart what was me and what was this greater influence driving me like a robot to produce, succeed, achieve and be great.
And it took me a very long time before I took action. Too long. My body was protesting in agony, but I was too stubborn or blind to see—which ended up costing me my health and overall well-being.
You don’t have to wait until something life threatening happens to live the life you want, unencumbered by the influence of others. But it does take courage to listen to that inner voice inside of you, which so often tries to determine your self-worth.
Fear and doubt tend to eat up our lives and our sense of self-worth, and it can feel like living in prison or in hell.
Here’s the deal. The best way to overcome doubt is to not be afraid.
Aaaghh! I hear you screeching. I can’t do that!
Yes, you can. It’s simple. Or is it?
Fear and self-doubt may be so entrenched in your psyche, you may not even be able to see straight. Your will alone may not cut it. Sometimes it has to get so bad before you are finally be forced into taking action.
The definition of doubt is:
“A status between belief and disbelief.”
Basically, it’s the tinkering between two choices, whether you believe or you don’t.
If you are one of those people who feels that fear and doubt are controlling your choices and you want to make a change but are afraid, ask yourself these questions:
What are you afraid of?
What would life look like to you if fear and doubt weren’t an issue?
What is the cost of fear and doubt now?
Once you answer those three questions, I want you to take baby steps (or if you are overzealous and just want to jump to it, that’s fine too) toward transforming your fear.
Here you go:
- Start moving towards what makes you afraid.
- Begin by unpacking your fear and why you are afraid.
- Look deep within to find the courage to confront what holds you back.
- If you fear the worst try to imagine the best possible scenario playing itself out, instead of focusing on everything that could go wrong.
- No running back into your comfort zone! You won’t get any further if you stay where you are or continue moving backwards.
If you feel like you’re in a holding pattern, like life is stifling you, you absolutely cannot stay there. It’s like being in purgatory forever.
Remember: you are the creator of your reality. If doubt is weighing you down, you have to be the one to remove it. You know what this means, right? It means the only way out is either to confront your fears head on or get rid of them by deciding right here and now you are no longer going to give them any power.
I have give you some great tips on how to transform your fears and doubt into action. What do you do when you feel doubt or fear? How do you handle things that scare you? I would love to hear from you so please leave your thoughts in the box below.
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Ed: B. Bemel