After last night, I realize things need to change.
When I looked at the clock at 1:30 a.m. and you still weren’t in bed with me I was pissed. You knew I needed to wake up at 4 a.m.!
You’ve never been like this with me before. I’ve heard stories about you being like this with others and I always felt bad for the people who put up with it. I never thought you and I would come to this. Last night, as I tossed and turned, I remembered how things used to be.
I’ve loved you from the first moment we met. I remember sinking into your sweet embrace even as a young girl. We started out so close. You were a priority in the early days. It wasn’t until girlfriends and sleepovers came around that I even considered straying from our nightly ritual. But a little less time with you never hurt in those days. We could always sleep in together and make up.
You were always good at making up. You’ve actually been very forgiving with me. You stuck with me through college and all the late night studying and partying. I must say, showing up during class to make up for time we didn’t get over night wasn’t that cool, but I guess I deserved it. You’ve tolerated the different men that I’ve brought into our relationship. I’m really sorry about the one that snored like a lawn mower. I’ll have you know, I hated that as much as you did! Those were the days we would sneak off together, just us, for an afternoon nap. Oh, how I’ve missed our afternoon naps! I want to get back to those days, Sleep. I know when you’ve pushed for them in the past when I’m working from home, I always fight you with my busy-ness. I’m done with that. You and I deserve better. We deserve to luxuriate in an afternoon nap from time to time. And we will.
I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without you. I’ve grown so much because of you and I’ve never even stopped to thank you for that or acknowledge how good you’ve been to me. I have neglected you and I understand why you’re being the way you are right now. I want to recommit! Let me be very clear that this is not out of laziness. You know those people that stay in relationships just because it’s easy, when it’s so obvious they should get out? That is so not us. I want to rewrite the contract of our relationship because I want to cherish and honor you for the rest of our days. I vow to make more time for you in my life. I know I’ve been a bitch. Time is precious and I’ve been acting like everything else is more important than you. I’ve put friends before you and working until the wee hours. I want to make time for you. I mean, let’s face it—I really can’t be as good for them without you. I realize that now.
Remember when we had date night every night? I would get in bed by 10 and dim the lights. No computers or phones allowed. We would curl up and read together before drifting off by 11. That was awesome. I admit, it was hard to stick to it, but I loved that. Then we could rise well rested with the sun. I was always happier and healthier when we made that happen. Let’s do it!
My friends will understand. The work will always be there the next day. The world will not end if I don’t answer all my freaking emails. I am actually excited for us to get back on track. It will take discipline, and of course there will be exceptions to the rule. I mean, there will still be parties and men and all that. And one day we’ll have kids, which I’m sure that will be another whole set of issues to deal with.
In the meantime, however, I want you to know I’m making you a priority. I want the world to know how much I love you, Sleep. I’m shouting it from the rooftops. Want to come up here with me and snuggle under the stars?
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Ed: B. Bemel
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July’s Full Moon in Capricorn: The Heart wants what it Wants. The 4 Stages of a Good Divorce. How to Love a Woman who Scares You. Our Soulmates are Rarely Who We Expect. I Still Think of You. Men, Let’s Stop Fooling Ourselves: Size Matters. To the One Who Tried to Break Me. An Open Letter to the Fixers. How your Stored Memories in the Amygdala can lead to PTSD. How My Sister’s Death Transformed my Self-Perception.