I tend to hide myself away from the world.
I’ve always done this. I don’t know why. It may have something to do with growing up with an overbearing mother, or it could just be my natural way of being. It could be about being feminine, and not acting proud—because that’s ‘wrong’ and boisterous.
Any accomplishments I achieve, anything I am truly glad I did and have worked hard for—I hide away. This includes my own intrinsic personality. I don’t show it to people.
Yoga has been helping me slowly (but surely) change that. I am slowly ‘coming out of my shell’. In yoga, like no other time during my day (during my life) I breathe. Just breathe. And, usually, what happens are loooonnggg inhales and very long exhales.
It’s as if my body is just sucking up the air that it’s had to live without for so long (my entire life). It’s trying to get as much as it can before my mind takes over again and decides not to breathe again. The breathing isn’t desperate or anything. It just feels like letting go.
Because I’ve hidden it away so long from the rest of the world, I don’t even know my own heart, my own desires. I’ve tried to be so giving—to be there for everyone else, and not be selfish—that I have forgotten myself almost completely. Yoga, along with meditation and chanting, helps me remember.
Certain songs help me remember too—like this one by Nahko and Medicine for the People. I discovered it recently and can’t seem to get enough of it. At times, the words of the song hit me so deep—the place of my joy, my deep felt desires to be free, to love and to be loved—that tears come to my eyes. These are the places that I am rediscovering after so long, and it’s truly miraculous.
Enjoy this video. Maybe, you will find it as joyous as I do.
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Assistant Ed: Ben Neal / Ed: Cat Beekmans