Things I would not like to know about the future Love of my Life.

Via on Jan 6, 2014

Things I would not like to know about you.

“There is a beautiful snow peaked mountain/ With peaceful clouds wrapped ’round her shoulders.

The surrounding air is filled with love and peace.

What is going to be is what is,

That is love.

There is no fear of leaping into the immeasurable space of love.

Fall in love/ Or, are you in love?

Such questions cannot be answered/ Because in the peace of an all-pervading presence/ No one is in and no one is falling in.

No one is possessed by another.” ~ Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche

~

~

I would not like our love to be about infatuation or money or time. I will only ask you to marry me if it is right, if our hearts fit together like legos, separable yet complementary.

How long will I love you?

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We can not know. But as the song goes, longer if I can.

I would not like to know if it will work out, I would not like to know if we grow old and white and weatherbeaten together. For our love will not be about movies or romance or passion, it will be about us.

And us will not be about us, but a path of service, and a life of gentle smiles in all weathers.

And so I will walk one step at a time, left, right…but not carefully—rather, as if I were entering a wide dance floor and you were on the other end, which you are (if the dance floor is time and space). You are wearing a dress that hugs your body, a simple dark blue dress out of 10 dresses that you spent 20 minutes too long choosing: and you chose well. You have bangs, they are new, and I like them, and you do not mind if anyone likes them, which is what makes them so likeable. They are like the lilt at the end of your laughter, the wink in your joke, the shrug in your smooth shoulders. You could care less, and that is what will first draw me to you.

No: what will first draw me to you will be sense-able, sensory, sensual: your hair, or eyes, or laugh, or legs, or the way you lean back in your chair, or our conversation about politics and economy and social justice, or the reason I read The New Yorker in my hot tub…

…and before we know it the proud old red velvet couch will hold you on one end and me on the other and a dog in the middle and another below and popcorn with coconut and children’s laughter and my booming voice, banning iPhones from the house yet again. And my right hand will fold about, relaxed, your black white socks, your favorite socks that have just been dog-chewed.

I have not found you yet, but I would not like to know the color of your hair, or eyes. They do not matter. Your skin may be dark, and smooth, or your eyes may be blue, or hazel, or your hair may be yellow, or short, or long, or curly, or parted in the middle, or you may be tall and your nose might be cute, or proud, or you may be short and strong. You may wear duck boots with gray white wool socks when we hike through the white powdery peaceful snow that makes our snow-quieted town below look golden-lit and cozy and slow, like a town out of the past.

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I would not like to know if things will go well, because things can not go well, always.

I would like to know that we live each moment with appreciation that each moment is full, yet fragile, golden.

When I am lazy I will not be lazy, for you. When I am weak I will find strength, for you. When I am frustrated I will find the door and walk out of it, for you, and go for a walk and remember the clouds and forget my thoughts and remember my breath and forget your supposed insult and so remember my humor and big-ness and charm and forget my pettyness and my pride and my self-concern. And I’ll be back in two and half minutes, for that’s how long it takes.

I would not like to know how our sex life is, how many times we do it a week, how many foolishly-named children we have, or whose turn it is to make breakfast (it’s mine) or do the dishes (Iet’s do it together, I’ll rinse and dry and I’ll sing a song I learned as a child).

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I would like to know if you notice the slight breeze that comes through the window, or if you like to sleep with the curtains open and blinds up or if you like to wear my pajamas, for wearing flannel pajamas two sizes too big is the right size, or if you teach or garden or need to work in Jordan for a year.

Bamboo tilts when the wind blows, it is strong but does not break, it is not rigid, it bows with strength.

I would like you to know that when I work too long, I work for the world, and the world is the inheritance of our children, and our children, whether one or two or three or four or five or more of them, whether popular or bookish, or both…are your first love.

I would like you to know that you are the officer in our home, and I am the sergeant, and they are the troops, and we are an army of troublemaking, service, and good humor. And, chaos.

 

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Jolene, Jolene: I would not like to know if you have an affair, for if you did, that is a wrong turn, and I am not your love, and the brass locks shall change, for there are second chances at most things, but some plants can not survive a cold winter out of doors and I am not one of them.

Life is hard and sharp and it hurts, but there are some who wear it lightly, and mindfully, and with class, and are frank yet wise yet light, and if our recipe is right our household shall be one of the hardy and cheerful ones. Life is often lonely and sad and unfair, but if we are lucky we shall work hard and earn our luck, and when we are hit broadside we shall return fire as we sail away with the wind at our backs, and trouble shall find it is bored with us.

Life is long and lineage is longer, and life is short but tradition is fragile, and we shall care for the things that deserve nurturing. The look in your eyes when I kiss you on the bed—calm, open, in love—it is a look I shall guard and cultivate, for if I lose it we are lost.

Our sex is not an act—it is a passion that needs itching, and if I lose that itch, I know I had better take better care of our hearth and mantle.

Life will get busy but I am strong—I will be rich and generous and active but quiet, I shall balance making speeches with reading books and drinking coffee with drinking tea and I will play with our children hour after hour and day after day and week after week, they shall distract me from our greatness but I will serve anyways, working in my attic castle with the foldout ladder that drops out of the ceiling.

You will come home one day and find I have cut a hole in the second floor’s floor, and have installed a fire pole.

These words are words, only, but they help me trace the outlines of your as yet unknown face and invisible red heart, like an old-fashioned Valentine card. You are in the high white cold hard mountains, and I am below, in the Great, Golden Plains—beware, for I am coming for you.

 

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Relephant reads:

Things I Would Like to Do with You in the Woods.

Things I would like to do with you in Time.

Before I lose you, I would like to see you again and again.

About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now elephantjournal.com & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. elephantjournal.com | facebook.com/elephantjournal | twitter.com/elephantjournal | facebook.com/waylonhlewis | twitter.com/waylonlewis | Google+ For more: publisherelephantjournalcom

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16 Responses to “Things I would not like to know about the future Love of my Life.”

  1. elephantjournal says:

    Robyn Grace Jennings Wow. This person must be young.
    Like · Reply · 1 · 4 hours ago via mobile

    Elephant Journal legos are for all ages!
    Like · 5
    Amaris Quinlan via Elephant Journal
    (shivers… this is perfect writing I want to live in this paragraph)♥ Life is hard and sharp and it hurts, but there are some who wear it lightly, and mindfully, and with class, and are frank yet wise yet light, and if our recipe is right, our household shall be one of the hardy and cheerful ones. Life is often lonely and sad and unfair, but if we are lucky we shall work hard and earn our luck, and when we are hit broadside we shall return fire as we sail away with the wind at our backs, and trouble shall find it is bored with us. Heart

    Deborah Bountifull Davis Lovely
    Like · Reply · 1 · 3 hours ago via mobile

    Aubree Miller I love this. Beautifully written.
    Like · Reply · 31 minutes ago

    Deanna Wilkinson This made me smile today. Beautiful. Thank you.
    Like · Reply · 2 hours ago via mobile

    Jenny Herico Who is the author? Is Waylon the author?
    Like · Reply · 3 hours ago via mobile

    Ray Bruno Well put, there must bed complementarity in relationships. The hearts, legs and passion must coincide together in bliss and harmony if a lifetime of mutual satisfaction is achieved.
    Like · Reply · 4 hours ago

    Annie Towns
    Like · Reply · 4 hours ago via mobile

    Danielle Tea wow. beautiful.

  2. I have simply fallen in love with all of these. This one perhaps the most , when one is moving from heartbreak and disappointment to the acceptance that the person is still out there. My love is out there and he is coming for me. I would not like to know his name because he needs to hear the song that is mine and I will recognize him only by the light in his eye when he recognizes me.

  3. OLá Lá says:

    This is the most touching text I’ve read in quite a while… and I read a lot.

    Whoever wrote this.. Thank you!

    Namaste

  4. Shayna says:

    This brought me to tears. Beautiful.

  5. Jes Wright says:

    Ah, Waylon! I love this! Especially cutting a hole through the ceiling for a fire pole. Yes! Fantastic!

  6. Selcan says:

    How beautiful, elegant, sincere…Thank you for reminding that love is absolutely magical and real at the same time.

  7. tess chapeau says:

    I believe the correct form is “you couldn’t care less…” If one can care less, they actually do care, quite a bit, in fact.

    • Waylon Lewis says:

      Damn it! I thought about that three times while writing it, editing, editing…and came down on the wrong end. Besos!

  8. Wren says:

    Again.

    Every.

    Damn.

    Time.

    Thank you.

  9. Ksenia says:

    Thank you thank you mucho mucho!!! Very romantically raw.

  10. Patty says:

    I very much enjoyed this:)

  11. Amanda says:

    Wow. Just wow. Your words touch my soul, I am so grateful to read them :)

  12. @seysisland says:

    "Our sex is not an act—it is a passion that needs itching, and if I lose that itch, I know I had better take better care of our hearth and mantle." WOW Waylon! Just WOW. (audible breath in & out) thank you! right on target.

  13. Beverly says:

    This is beautiful.

  14. Tricia says:

    Whoever is lucky enough for you to find will be a lucky girl. I haven't been this moved in a while, truly brilliant.

  15. katija says:

    you r just too clever for love…xx

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