It hunts me down like the corpse eating zombie
Beautiful wildflowers wither a somber death
Black sketches itself across the canvas of my heart
Shadows strip me of strength and sanity
A crown of invisible sadness covers my frame
I sit and stare at a lifeless landscape
That just yesterday paraded around in color
Pain is always on my heels
And so I fall
Pain. It really is inevitable at times.
We all contend with the familiar face of pain on occasion just under the surface of our plastic smiles or nestled nicely within the recesses of our shell. I liken pain to an enemy that haunts me and hunts me like a vicious, starving wolf, yet I also liken it to a familiar friend just wanting some old fashioned attention.
Sometimes pain reminds me of a clingy, needy lover who vies for attention like a love-starved puppy. Other times it reminds me of the drug addict ravished for a quick fix to feel a few moments of drug induced bliss. Oh wait—I do believe I have acted as such! Yes, pain makes me do some things I’m a bit embarrassed to admit.
The fact is that pain is inevitable and like it or not, it needs my attention to nourish its vibe. Heck, it wants my attention so why do I keep trying to dodge it by reaching for just about anything that will numb it?
What if I cater to its need? Set my sail, hunker down, and face my pain like a stealth fighter on an urgent mission to annihilate potential threats?
What if I skip the bottle, the pills, the work-a-holic syndrome, the romance, or the malls to shop away the madness?
What if I simply……write.
Yes, write the pain away. Is it possible? Can I slice open my heart once and for all and use the blood to write every last memory, tear, and affliction away?
I’m smiling because you know what? I do believe I can!
I can and will:
Write from one painful layer to the next, blasting the sediment of each hurtful detail of my incredible life.
Write in excavation form, digging and moving and unearthing treasures along the way.
Trust me; they are there.
Write to get to the guts of who I am; the abyss of my existence, for there is where my treasure will be found. My uber, radiant, half-ton treasure of freaking awesomeness.
Write to become something bigger than my ego-driven, pleasure seeking self.
Write to find my dazzling sacred space. It’s somewhere deep in the center of my tattered heart. And when I get there, I’m ripping my clothes off, lying on the shag rug, and basking in the glorious sun. Sing, laugh, or just take it all in as I weep tears of coveted joy.
Write to explode every fiber of shame and blame that has plagued my beauteous and sexy torso.
Write to declare that underneath the madness, I have a tantalizing, glorious name that angels sing beautiful harmonies about in the in between realm, while declaring my significance.
Write to become a rock star hero because I am! I’m saving my soul from a lifetime of dark, musty, disgusting blackness and from there, I will save others with heartfelt words of authenticity, love, depth, and truth.
Write for humanity to flourish, for the next generation to do better, for Mother Earth to smile and dance to the rhythm of contentment and the kind of love that lasts.
Write to give meaning to life. To be alive. To jump in the river of this splendorous adventure and ride the waves feeling aliveness tickle our curvy sides.
Feel the treacherous pain that knocks the wind out of each squelching lung.
Feel the anger that seeps hot out of every last pore.
Feel the rage of a life not gone as planned.
Feel the fear that hunts me down like a venomous snake hunts the unassuming mouse.
Feel it. Embrace it like it’s a long lost best kind of friend.
Write to feel it implode every cell of my being, every breath that I’m breathing, every tear trail I’m leaving.
Write to let it go. Just up and bid it adieu as I come up for a gasp of air.
Do this with me right now.
Exhale deeply then fully inhale the new; the kind of air that causes us to rise. The kind that gives us a set of new eyes. Eyes that see above the cesspool of dark shadows parading unending lies.
Write to surrender to the castle of humility that keeps us safe and sound.
Write to fortify our walls with integrity, honesty, and kindness.
Write for every time we’ve felt the gift of love when we were ready to give up.
Write for me. Write for you. Write for the masses and seal it all with a gratitude kiss.
Yes, it is time.
Write, write, write the gut-wrenching pain away.
Write for the never-ending experience of being alive.
For we are.
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Assistant Editor: Dana Gornall
Photo Credit: Pixoto/Tomislav Zebic
hot on elephant
July’s Full Moon in Capricorn: The Heart wants what it Wants. The 4 Stages of a Good Divorce. How to Love a Woman who Scares You. Our Soulmates are Rarely Who We Expect. I Still Think of You. Men, Let’s Stop Fooling Ourselves: Size Matters. To the One Who Tried to Break Me. An Open Letter to the Fixers. How your Stored Memories in the Amygdala can lead to PTSD. How My Sister’s Death Transformed my Self-Perception.