Do Not Settle For Love.

Via Hannah Hilton on Jul 19, 2014

alone love skin necklace girl

Being alone can be a petrifying, unfamiliar and intimidating thought for most.

So many people are afraid to be alone. Afraid to be single because they feel that it makes them less than others. They are craving a love, which we all do-innately—it is what we were designed to do. Without it, they feel as though they are living an incomplete existence.

Placing our need for happiness on another soul is the perfect equation for disappointment and discontent. We can never be truly happy with another soul if we are not first happy with our own heart and soul, all alone, fighting a one man/woman battle.

One. There are songs forcing the thought that “One is the loneliest number” into our easily subjective brains. Really? I’ve found that one is the perfect numerical power to finding out all there is to know about myself. Silence breeds knowledge. And complete and utter silence takes place when there is one heart beating in the woods.

I spent the majority of my first quarter of life being in some kind of “relationship.”

I never fully experienced living alone, eating alone, sleeping alone or having someone to lean on when the times got hard.

Then I spent two solid years of not being in a relationship and that was the most amazing two years I could have ever dreamt of. I learned so much about who I am as a person, and what it is I truly want in life, without the push to be something I’m not—because that is the desire of someone else.

I learned that I can do anything, on my own, without someone else. How liberating!

I refused to settle, just to avoid loneliness.

I sat in loneliness and let it steep in my existence.

In the passing of those 300 moons, I came to understand what it took for me to love, what I love, how I love, what made me tick, what made me breathe and what soothes my soul in trying times. I was an entirely liberated and free woman. I would have never learned these things if I continued searching and combing through each heart that was presented to me.

Do not settle for love.

Do not love unless it is a mad passionate extraordinary love. Let it shake up your world. Let it make you grow. Let it lead you to adventures. Let it create the exploration of yourself.

While you are sitting in loneliness, try (key word try), to be celibate—sex can complicate things.

The dance of two souls is just that: you are seeing the most vulnerable and raw part of a person when you go to bed with them. The absence of physical desire makes you appreciate the physicality of your future relations and you can learn what you really want in another. What really turns you on, off and just makes your entire existence go so crazy that you must have that person for eternity.

So…

Surround yourself with amazing friends. You are the company in which you keep.

Eat bountiful amounts of chocolate.

Date—yourself. Learn how to take yourself out.

Learn to love yourself and the abundance and pure love will find it’s way to your heart.

Listen to your heart. If it doesn’t feel right—t’s not.

And be content in sitting with your own thoughts and beat of your heart.

You will find what makes your soul sing.

Trust in the Universe.

 

~

Relephant:

How To Be Alone.

I Want To Go To Bed Alone.

Love elephant and want to go steady?

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Editor: Cat Beekmans

Photo: Chiara Cremaschi/Flickr

About Hannah Hilton

Hannah Hilton is just a woman on a journey—with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair. She is melodically mellow minded with the creative curiosity of a young child. A little yin and a little yang, a nelipot who loves Mother Nature, yoga, live music, good friends, good conversation, good food, art, and a lover of laughter! Follow Hannah’s journey here or connect with her on Facebook.

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25 Responses to “Do Not Settle For Love.”

  1. Debbie E. says:

    Another great article! Thanks Hannah :)

  2. Amy E says:

    Practical advice. I totally agree! I have been single longer than I have been with someone. I have gone to the movies, breakfast, lunch and dinner, alone, countless times. I have traveled alone on business and for short vacations. I've gone to parties alone and danced with myself. I enjoy my own company. I have a few close friends. I have my mom. I could do this for the rest of my life and be okay. I'd like to explore my options while I am still relatively young. If I choose to invite someone else into my life…they will have to be very busy. I need a lot of alone time. I am only interested in "a love relationship" if it adds light to both our lives.

    • Hannah Hilton Hannah says:

      Amy, you can definitely find that! I make it known in love now that I need my "me time" because it is what fully soothes me! I love that you enjoy your own company! That is so beautiful!! :) Namaste!

  3. Aparrna says:

    Wonderful, Hannah!
    Thank you so much for this.

  4. Mandy says:

    This rings so true to my own experience. Thank you for this beautiful piece, I can't tell you how much my little heart appreciates it today :)

  5. myriamsofialluria says:

    Yes! It takes a certain bravado and quite some patience to learn how to be alone, especially after being in a long-term relationship, but it's the only way to get to know yourself and get healthy enough to recognize when another relationship worthy of your time comes around. I've been single for 10 years now, after a 16 year marriage and it was really difficult at first, but gets easier with the years. At this point, I cherish my solitude, my terms, my life and the ability to make my own choices so much, that it would take someone really special for me to share myself and my time. I've never been this healthy emotionally before and it feels great!

    • Hannah Hilton Hannah says:

      It is so wonderful that you love yourself enough to know what is worth it and what is not! Congrats on the emotional health and I wish you an abundance of that and happiness :)

  6. Donnie R. Low says:

    I just thought I was a loner; all those years of living alone—I am dating myself!?

  7. englishthistle says:

    I'm torn about this article. Whilst I do agree with so much of it, I'm also at the point where I've been single for a looooong time and I really miss being in a relationship. However, I don't want to settle for just any relationship. Part of the problem is that I thought I was going to be in one and then it blew up in my face so am I dating myself or am I just too scared to try again?

    • Hannah Hilton Hannah says:

      Both… but when the right one comes, you will know- you will want to share life! But if you don't want to share it, don't! Life can be just as beautiful as you learn about yourself! Life is what you make it!

  8. Amy E says:

    Good question, englishthistle. Same thing happened to me. It was rough. I went back to "status quo" for safety and normalcy. I'm a little scared. Not even dating myself. I don't want to miss out on something really special just because I got cold feet. Let me know if you find an answer.

    • Hannah Hilton Hannah says:

      I listen to my gut and take chances when it feels right- your intuition knows, don't let that hold you back if you are ready!

  9. Birgit says:

    Wow!!!!! I love it!!!! You hit the spot!!! Beautifully said. Just awesome!!! Thank you. This has come at the perfect time in my life. B:)

  10. Charl says:

    The " two solid years of not being in a relationship", was it by accident or by choice? Please I am not sarcastic, we do tend to put our self in particular situations,

    • Hannah Hilton Hannah says:

      By choice! Completely by choice. I met people that seemed interesting, but they never fully captured me- which gave me the time to enjoy myself rather than be in misery!

  11. Brad says:

    Did I love this?
    YES!

  12. Paul says:

    "Do not love unless it is a mad passionate extraordinary love. " Really? That sounds like it's coming from a space/place of egoic timing . WHat about diving timing? WHen we're being called to love, simply TO love. Unconditionally . It doesn't NEED to look or feel a certain way. If love is what we are, how can we love one when we can't love ALL? Just sayin'. :)

  13. Susie says:

    I disagree with theI disagree with the "do not love unless it is a mad passionate love". Sometimes it is finding your other half. Sometimes it is a warmth that allows you to be openly yourself. I have had that for 40 years now. It has always been that way. Please don't lead people to believe that if it isn't mad and wildly passionate it isn't worth it and being alone is better. There are many types of people and many types of relationships. The most important thing is to be happy with each other.

    • Hannah Hilton hannah says:

      There are many kinds of love Susie, and for me- mad passionate love is what makes my soul sing. It's not for everyone though…but it is for me!

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