In between the bitter winds of winter and the hazy summer sun, I have made a vow to myself that is rooted in experience and the sensuality of living a life I love.

I have promised to not water myself down any longer; if someone can’t take me at 100 proof, then they aren’t meant to be in my life.

 “Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.”  ~ Cheryl Strayed

I have made enough mistakes to color the skies a different color. I have changed myself for others; I have given in to their ultimatums, and have lived with forced smiles to the rules that they had created for me.

I have dulled my light, hidden my gifts, and pretended to be normal––all for the sake of love.

But, in gradually listening to my inner voice, I realized I have come home to myself. I know who I am and what I want deeply to my core, and I have lost the desire or ability to twist myself into an image just so others might love me.

I’ve come to believe that love is not about someone being exactly like us, but instead accepting them for exactly as they are. I think I may even start wearing a sign advertising myself in “As Is” condition. Take it or leave it. Besides, the way I see it, if someone really did love me, they wouldn’t possibly want me to change anything about myself––even the parts that drove them crazy at times.

That’s the only kind of love I want.

I don’t believe in fighting tooth and nail for love; I don’t believe in holding onto something that is trying its hardest to fly away.

I don’t believe in having to force love or relationships of any kind.

I’ve come to the point where I approach relationships and treat others exactly as I wish to be. I want to be held with strong confident hands; I want to be able to be that winged messenger that is free to flit from this and that, with never a fear as to whether I will return home.

I truly believe anything worth having won’t ever have to be clung to tightly—as Buddha said, “We only lose what we cling to.” How true this is.

Clinging to something is fear based. It’s having anxiety that someone or something else will be able to steal away what is ours, so we feel threatened, and then cling even more tightly—even when it’s apparent that it is not meant for us.

But, this is the really amazing thing: What really is meant for us, will never truly leave us.

Relationships aren’t about convincing each other of our worthiness of love, the ideals of what it should look like or holding on so tightly we both end up broken.

Lasting love is really just about two people who have enough commonalities to get along—and enough differences to make it exciting—coming together to see where the adventure will take them.

What I’ve come to learn is that part of realizing that we don’t need to convince others of our worthiness or ideals comes from falling into a 100 proof love with our self and our life.

Honestly, I can say that I am totally, deeply maddeningly in love with everything about my life.

I love my strong heart, and dirty imagination. I love my sensitivity, and my courage. I’m enamored by my fears, and weaknesses. I love the way my eyes sparkle when I’m excited and I begin talking really fast. I love the way that my body moves, and the way my hip bones stick out when I am cuddling between Egyptian cotton sheets. I love the voluptuous softness of my breasts and the way my hands can do amazing things.

I love waking up each morning and breathing in the smell of my children when their dreams are still hanging above their heads. I think it’s amazing the way the sun streaks through my windows creating beautiful shadows against the walls and floors of my home. I love my friends and the way we laugh together until our bellies hurt. I love every minute of my day, from my drive to work in the morning to the moments of solitude after my girls are in bed.

I live my life with the strength of 100 proof—dancing along the edge of passion and reason, and not apologizing for a minute of the whirling confusion and amazing moments that I create in this life.

I simply love myself and my life with a unbridled never ending passion, and it’s that same passionate love that I would extend to someone I was involved with. The love that we have for ourselves and the love that we are able to extend to another is really one and the same.

This is the key. When we can show ourselves unconditional love, then we wouldn’t expect anything less from anyone else. I already know that I am worthy and deserving of the love of others—I don’t see it as my job to try to prove that to someone else. If someone doesn’t love me, or find the value in who I am as a person then those are the very people that don’t belong in my life.

I’ve come to realize that the very love we seek, and the one that we deserve the most, is also the very one we won’t have to convince anyone of. We won’t have to feel torn, or stuck between what we want and what someone else is willing to give us. We won’t have to wonder or guess at what they are thinking or feeling—and we most certainly won’t feel fear that someone else would be able to steal them away from us.

100 Proof love isn’t casual, or traditional. It’s the kind of love that will stain our skin and leaves ashes in its wake. It will ruin us forever because after 100 proof, everything else just seems weak and transparent. A love like this is crazy wild beautiful; it’s bare skin and falling hot rain, it’s blueberry kisses and lemonade vodka, it’s the pulse of heat against our collar bone, and the desire that strums a beat throughout our entire body.

It’s the stuff of dreams, and the best we will ever have.

But a love like this needs to be held free in order to bloom. Because it’s mingling in between the spaces of our lives, and in the distance of our lips against beating hearts, that the magic can happen.

Because we all deserve the serendipitous magic of love at 100 proof.

“But let there be space in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love possesses not, nor would it be possessed. Love one another, but make it not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”  ~ Kahil Gibran

 

Relephant: 

With Intoxicated Minds & Hungry Mouths. {Adult}

~

Author: Kate Rose

Editor: Travis May

Images: Flickr/Anna Skahill (Used with permission)