7 Types of Women to Stay Away From.

Via Nickolas Coverstone
on Mar 4, 2016
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*Author’s Note: This is a response to an article written by Dina Strada, 7 Types of Men to Stay Away From. It seems like Dina wrote it from her heart, and based on the reactions I read on Facebook, many women agree with her. I have imitated her style and form in an effort to show another perspective, my perspective—a man’s perspective. 

 

As men, it’s too easy to assume women are what we see on the outside.

Drawn in by her looks, a smile, we are quick to let our guard down and minimize any negative qualities. We want to believe she is kind, loving and can make a damn good sandwich.

We can usually explain why we fall. It’s usually because she’s pretty and hasn’t given us a reason not to.

It’s not surprising, then, that many men fall for the same types of woman over and over again, even if it always turns out the same way.

Complete f*cking bullsh*t.

If you stop and take an outsider’s look at your current relationship, you may realize you are in this pattern right now. The good news is, now you can predict the future!

Everyone can change, though, and who knows, maybe this time it will turn out differently. But chances are, you’re in for another heartache. Here is a short list of seven types of women I would recommend avoiding in a long-term relationship:

1. The Fixer Upper

This girl is just a few short qualities away from perfect. She hasn’t quite learned her own self-worth. Her confidence may be a little low. Self-deprecating humor is her favorite defense against the world.

But if you could just get her to see herself the way you see her!

Stop now! She is the only one in charge of her happiness and her self-esteem. She has to discover her amazingness herself. She will only see you as someone with bad judgment if you try to tell her she is better than she sees herself. Find a woman who loves herself. I promise you. She will love you harder than you can imagine.

2. The Over-Communicator

The girl is just downright annoying. She wants to tell you everything about everything. And she wants to hear it, too. This girl needs a girlfriend. Not you. She will sap all of your energy leaving nothing left for romance. Not to mention, she will kill the mystery. Half of the fun of a new relationship is the discovery. And much like exploring a new city, it is best done slowly and physically.

She will talk when she’s nervous, talk when she’s scared, talk when she’s aroused and talk when she’s lonely. And it won’t stop. It might be cute for a few dates, but as a man, we need silence sometimes. Communication is key in any relationship, but not everything has to be revealed at once. And some things are better just left alone.

You are her boyfriend, not her mother, not her best friend. Let the correct people fill those roles and you will be better at yours.

3. The Overly Experienced Girl (?) 

I don’t know how to say this without pissing someone off, but if someone has had a lot of partners, there may be a reason—maybe she gets bored easily, or doesn’t stay with men for the right reasons. That said, it’s not fair to make assumptions toward another based on the number of partners they may have had, so you might want to do some self-reflection if you find yourself judging her on this.

4. The Girl Who Wants The Bad Boys

You’ve heard a thousand girls say it: “Why do I always fall for Jerks!?!” He treats her like crap and she goes home with him. She is attracted to his confidence, not his disregard for her feelings. She is attracted to his well taken care of body, not his Affliction tee shirts. She sees a man who can protect her, lead her and provide for her. He gives her the tingling feeling that overrides her better sense of judgment.

But he will have a thousand more “options,” just like her, and when she comes (back) to you, she will be thinking of him. You have two choices here: be her second choice, or be the “jerk” she’s lusting for. Well, three choices I guess. You could also just walk away.

Choice two is by far the best one here. Take care of yourself. Eat well. Lift weights. Be successful and educate yourself. I take this whole thing back—if she wants the bad boy, be the bad boy. Hopefully you can do this without becoming a d*ck.

5. The Girl Who Doesn’t Love You In Return

Have you read that love languages book? No? Read it! Learn what it means and what it feels like to be loved. You are not there just to buy her flowers and rub her back and take her to nice dinners and buy her a pretty dress and compliment her and learn her favorite dance and make all of her dreams come true. She has to reciprocate the love and it has to be in a way that you value and appreciate.

If she doesn’t “love” you in the way that you recognize, things will go badly. You’ll resent her or you’ll pity yourself. Good news is, if she really does love you, you two can talk it out and she can learn to do the things that show how much she appreciates you.

But if after a long period of time the relationship seems one sided, well, it probably is. It takes work, but it has to come from both sides. This one is tough, but if she doesn’t love you back, walk away.

6. The Jaded Girl

This poor girl has been severely let down by a man in her past (or several). Some man walked out on her when she needed him. He abused her. He cheated on her. He used her or he lied to her. She hasn’t forgotten and she hasn’t moved on. In her eyes, all men are the devil. You look great to her, but she’s always waiting for you to reveal your true colors. She doesn’t just anticipate it; she expects it.

Until she forgives the man (men) of her past and moves beyond it, she will never truly lower her guard enough to love again. She will never be vulnerable. You will always be just outside her circle of passion. She will second-guess what you tell her. She will be suspicious of your friends. She will make you feel like you’ve done something wrong until you can’t take it any more.

I don’t know how, but some girls can move past a bad past relationship, some can’t. If you see evidence that she is the latter, get out now. Find a sweet girl whose heart is full of hope and chase your dreams together.

7. The Pet-Project Girl

This girl thinks she can make you into the man of her dreams. You are just close enough to what she’s always wanted, and with just a little time and motivation (manipulation?) she can turn you into “The Best” version of yourself.

No! No! No! If you have to change, even a little bit for her to love you, don’t do it! I will say it again. If she can’t love you as you are, she doesn’t love you!

Be yourself and the right one will find you. Be yourself. Be yourself. Be yourself! Give her the truth and let her decide.

So, I’m going to end this by contradicting myself completely. All of these girls can change and all of these girls deserve to find the love that you are searching for as well. This list is my list. This list may be a good starting point for you, but you may need the “Pet Project Girl” #7. She might be just the thing that turns your life around and puts you on a path to life long success.

You may be the outrageously patient guy who reminds #6 that not all guys are the same. It may take 20 years, but you may be the one who restores her faith and lights a spark that burns brighter than a super nova. She was just waiting for you!

#5 May be suffering from a messed up childhood. She grew up in a home where nobody hugged or said nice things. She doesn’t know how to feel about someone treating her so well. She is confused, but she knows her world is better with you in it. You may be the selfless person who makes her life worth living.

As for girl #4, if you decide to live life intentionally and pursue your goals, people will resist you. They will tell you girls are attracted to personality, not ripped bodies. They will tell you that you don’t need to study for the BAR, you’ll never become a lawyer. They will remind you of your failed juice shop and try to convince you to take a normal job. But some of you need to go your own way. Make your own life. Great news though—if you make it to the top, people will talk sh*t about you and you won’t care.

Oh, and the overly experienced girl from #3? Yeah, there’s a perfect match for her out there as well. Or not. Maybe she takes care of her own business and doesn’t want a man to take care of her. It’s none of my business.

#2 loves to talk. And her man will love to listen. He will be her boyfriend, best friend, mother, counselor, and confidant. They will share a Facebook page and the whole world will see daily reminders of how in love they are together.

And you, the guy who read all the way to the end of this? You’re gonna be the one who shows #1 how amazing she really is. Like a rose grown in the garden of your soul, she will grow and blossom into a beautiful woman with your care and support. And she will be yours.

I didn’t write this to tell you whom to love. I wrote this because I was frustrated.

I’m sick of people labeling people. We’re all in this together and we’re all different. Change the genders in here to what ever you want. Man, woman, trans, bi, gay, Black, White, American, Canadian, Peruvian…I don’t care. Every person you meet is different; and if you pigeonhole them before you give them a chance you are cheating yourself out of a chance to discover someone amazing.

Open your heart and see what happens.

 

Author: Nickolas Coverstone

Editor: Emily Bartran

Photo: Unsplash/Seth Doyle


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About Nickolas Coverstone

Nickolas Coverstone is a father and a traveller. From Nuclear Power to Real Estate to Selling Tequila, he has done it all. His best writing comes when he is at work, on an Oil Rig in the Black Sea. Mostly because he can’t be bothered with a computer when he has time to travel or spend with his kids. He is not an expert, just a concerned observer.

Comments

35 Responses to “7 Types of Women to Stay Away From.”

  1. sandi says:

    I love to hear a man's perspective, this one was enlightening

  2. Riikka says:

    Love this!

  3. Ole says:

    Loved this (man).

  4. Sapna Delhi says:

    Its not the case always, I am highly experience but I care more then me of feeling of any gentleman, and everyone loves me not get just away from me. List is okay but i am not fully agreeable to this

  5. Sapna Delhi says:

    Don't love this, it is not the case always

  6. Sue says:

    Thank you SO much!!! This was one of the best articles on here…great reminder to look into your own heart and soul for answers.

  7. Sandra says:

    Love this! You could replace she with he and it would still apply. Well written, and well thought out.

  8. dori says:

    i love this, especially when you redeemed yourself with the awesome little twist at the end – EXCEPT that part about sharing a facebook page.

    i am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO creeped out whenever i see that, lol… or when people cease to be able to refer to themselves as “I” ever, EVER again…

    you could say i qualify as many of these “girls” – but i am in an amazing relationship – we know when there’s WE and when there’s I – and thankfully, those I’s of us still have something to bring to the relationship – and the WE puts beautiful things into the world.

  9. Tera says:

    This was an interesting read, and I loved how you turned it around at the end and then totally opened it up to whatever is right for each person.

  10. Marie says:

    I agree with another comment, you can replace she for he, and it would all still apply. I got confused why it would be just about “women” or “girls”?

  11. Maria says:

    Oh dear – I feel like I got the first two too well – no hope for me then!!

  12. Ellen says:

    Excellent article! My only beef is that women are referred to as "girls." Men are only referred to as "boys" in jest or as insult.

  13. Laura says:

    Awesome article! Way to go!

  14. Heather Azima says:

    Most Excellent Article!

    You nailed it. I appreciated reading all the different aspects of Woman I have been… Perhaps my husband would fit the other list. But with good love and commitment to finding our true nature through relationship there has been healing for us both. Now it’s True Love.

  15. Michael says:

    This was just great! Thank you!!

  16. Morgan Leigh Callison says:

    Thanks for writing this! Loved it. And also love that you are tired of all the labeling we do in this society, me too!
    I had an idea to write a response to the first article, but in a reverse manner…”7 types of men that you want to attract”.

  17. Lisa says:

    WONDERFUL article! This was a breath of fresh air. Thank you!

  18. Shanti says:

    Great thoughts presented here. I can see myself in several of these. Time to grow and learn. Thank you!

  19. Nan Sheppard says:

    Aww :) I am glad I read to the end, and glad I had a lazy evening to see this and click through. Very personal and sweet.

  20. Dan McCullar says:

    My favorite part was the end where he contradicted himself. Nothing is ever so cut and dry/black and white. Sometimes we are what we are until someone comes along and with them we evolve.

  21. Somebody says:

    ….but then, there are no women left. 😛

  22. L3monBadg3r says:

    Here is the letter I sent to EJ about how offensive and reductive parts of this article are. After reviewing the comments, I see that none have leveled a complaint as grave as mine. For any that are curious, please read below.

    Elephant Journal,

    Please consider my thoughts in regard to this recently highlighted article: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2016/03/7-types-of

    Within that article I would like to point to the following excerpt:

    3. The Overly Experienced Girl

    I don’t know how to say this without pissing someone off. If she has been with too many partners, she is probably not girlfriend material. You are replaceable to her. I believe anyone can change, but the odds are not in your favor here.

    Instead, I would like to talk about what type of girl you should pursue. The one you have to chase. The one who makes you work for it. This girl values her body and will make you prove yourself. In a relationship, you can be assured she will not easily be tempted. And when you do earn her trust…well, it’s worth it.

    I take issue with this statement and as a reader I find it offensive, unloving, anti-feminist, slut-shaming, mysoginistic, and down-right ignorant. No woman should have to feel shame for her sexual background and this statement, made by author Nicholas Coverstone, does exactly that. Please visit: https://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2010/04/… for more information about how this sentiment is detrimental to women.

    The “About” section for Elephant Journal mentions the following:

    We’re dedicated to sharing the good life beyond the choir, and to all those who didn’t yet know they give a care about living a good, fun life that’s good for others, and our planet. The mindful life is about yoga, organics, sustainability, conscious consumerism, enlightened education, the contemplative arts, adventure, bicycling, family…everything. But mostly it’s about this present moment, right here, right now, and how we can best be of benefit, and have a good time doing so.

    This article (particularly this segment) does NOT promote enlightenment, contemplation, adventure, or remaining present. This segment focuses on a woman’s sexual history and declares her a “Woman to Stay Away From”. Is there no room for an informed, enlightened, sexual exploration adventure? Since WHEN has Elephant Journal taken a stand against feminism, sex, and sexuality? If this is a new direction that is being taken, please let me know now so I can cancel my subscription.

    Additionally, women are infantilized as “girls” in this article. The author’s use of “girls” instead of “women” (a term that would be more appropriate, given the subject matter) diminishes the agency, maturity, and power of the woman in these situations. For more information about this issue, please read: http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/06/grown-women-a

    I have read the article in its entirety and although the author makes a clear comment about how these are his personal preferences, the tone of the article does not match this sentiment. The author generalizes when he uses the term “girls”, thus making any later claims inappropriate and irrelevant. Additionally, what kind of message is EJ putting out there for it’s readers by allowing this article (and thus all sentiments expressed within) to be not only published but PROMOTED in the daily curated newsletter? As a long-time reader of this site, I am appalled that this dribble is allowed to be promoted.

    Please let me know when you have reviewed my response, I am interested to hear the ways in which EJ thinks this article fits into the business and blog model I thought I knew so well.

  23. diana says:

    Great one! I almost labeled you on the way down. Bless you!

  24. Sierra Mary says:

    You know what? People’s preferences in both what they write and what they align with when they read are all unique. From a women’s perspective, I think reading this would be relevant and insightful for women and men. This made me smile, that’s always a perfect start :)

  25. Dina Strada dmstrada says:

    Nickolas…I loved this!! Firstly, because you totally made me have a sense of humor about the article I wrote (which wasn't based on all my own personal experiences btw.. but of friends)… And as a woman, this was so enlightening to read and made me laugh out loud. I wish more men wrote for EJ… This was brilliant. Thank you.

  26. Stormy says:

    i’m sorry you’re frustrated. i think there are probably more categories than you’ve identified, and i think most women are a combination of a few or all of these, or maybe change their category from day to day. humans are complex and the older/wiser we become the harder we are to nail down because we are CHANGING.

    i believe certain people come into our lives to teach us important stuff about ourselves. if a partnership forms and lasts, that’s a little miracle, a little magic and a lot of damn hard work.

    But you’re right about one thing: be yourself, be yourself, be yourself. The authentic you will always, eventually, show up. So don’t waste your time — or hers.

  27. Bonnie Rose says:

    I loved the surprise ending, the total 180 degree perspective. I
    I was surprised by the recant, admittal to frustration, and the suggestion that labeling (or discriminating ) is only cheating your chances for love and doesn’t allow for a person to grow. And it let me know that men believe in love too-and you never know where it might be found.

  28. Marcus Isaac says:

    You nailed it! And so well written – ure frustration is a summary of so many of our lives, or at least mine.

  29. Nelson says:

    My reply is to the poster to EJ, Renee,kalonfound and L3monBadg3r.
    If you can't hear or read something with an uncluttered mind then you really need to practice your meditation. If you are always looking for the buzz words or having your buttons pushed, then you need to practice your meditation. Empty your mind and open your heart when you are reading or listening and you will actually love the person for sharing, regardless of what they are saying.
    Love is unconditional.

  30. Buzz Burrell says:

    I skimmed the first few paragraphs, lost interest, then read the last paragraphs, which were more clever, and decided to offer the list I’ve been using the last few decades, which is much, much shorter:

    1. The woman whose father didn’t love them. She could be fantastic in most ways, but her self-doubt will get projected onto me, and I lack the horsepower to compensate for what he didn’t provide originally.

    2. The girl with the dog. See #1 (could be the same). Dogs are incredible – they will love you unconditionally – I will not. Sorry about that.

  31. Buzz says:

    I skimmed the first few paragraph, lost interest, then read the last few, which was more clever, and decided to offer the list I've been using for a few decades:
    1. The woman whose father did not love and cherish them. She may be fantastic, but self-doubt will get projected onto me, and I lack the horsepower to compensate for what her father did not provide.
    2. The girl with the dog. (See #1 above; could be the same). Dogs are incredible – they will love you unconditionally, no matter what you do – I definitely will not.
    As the Author stated, neither are deal-killers as both can be overcome, just not entirely by me.

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