I love so many things that are now out of fashion.

Picnics, records (although they are starting to make a comeback), drive-in movies, star gazing, flying kites, long conversations on the phone, handwritten letters, saying what you mean, defining a relationship and ending a relationship when it’s over.

It’s a random list, but it’s mine. Perhaps yours would list other trends that have fallen out of fashion. Wearing hats (not ballcaps.) Sunday drives. Long walks. Picking wildflowers.

Regardless of what our lists contain, the question is this:

How do we embrace change while still holding on to what matters?

I enjoy texting. There’s nothing I love more than nice flirty texting banter. I dig banter, so much! But I miss long conversations on the phone. It’s nice to talk about everything and nothing at all, just to know the other person is there on the other end of the line. Even a short phone conversation is a pleasant change from endless texts and emojis. We’ve started drifting away from actual conversations. It seems funny that dating can consist of texting, that we never hear the other person’s voice until we meet, if ever we do.

I love the convenience of email. But I miss handwritten letters arriving in the mailbox.

I miss the delicious anticipation of opening the envelope and holding a handwritten letter in my hand, reading the words someone took the time to write out.

I love the process of sitting down to write a response, choosing the stationary and sealing it to be sent away. We’ve moved away from writing letters with the keyboard so easily at our fingertips. There is something special about a love letter written out. Will a future generation read our texts and emails, sighing over the prose? Somehow I doubt it.

The new dating game seems to be about keeping definition in relationships off the table. We seem to avoid calling something a relationship even though an interaction that continues is actually just that. I don’t mind going with the flow, but I’m the personality type that is always happiest when I feel secure. I don’t like a lot of uncertainty. It doesn’t add mystery for me; it just adds discomfort.

I miss defining a relationship. Is this casual? Is this exclusive? Are we friends with benefits? These are not hard questions. Are we, or aren’t we?

I never enjoyed a relationship ending, even if I was the one choosing to end it. But I do miss the finality of the endings in light of the ghosting epidemic. Most of us would rather hear any one of the cliched break-up excuses than to be ignored. It’s not you; It’s me. I don’t have time for a relationship right now. I’m just not ready for a relationship.

Regardless of the reason, it’s so much less painful to have someone break our hearts in this way rather than just ignoring our calls and texts, blocking our numbers and unfriending us on Facebook. It at least shows a little respect, and there’s a lot of bravery in being able to say the uncomfortable thing that brings the relationship to a close.

Everything changes. However, I enjoy holding on to certain things that I find precious. I feel like we can find ways to embrace change without letting go of what matters.

We can enjoy the convenience of text but still make a phone call when it matters. We can enjoy sending a quick email but take the time to write the occasional letter. We can define our relationships rather than letting them drift along in a sea of uncertainty. We can learn to say goodbye to relationships when the need arises with honesty rather than cowardice. We can pack our work lunches in a picnic basket and sit in the sun to enjoy it or fly a kite on a windy day. We can listen to records in the evening and take the time to watch a movie at a drive-in if we’re lucky enough to find one still in operation. We can lie on a blanket to watch the stars.

We can still cherish all of the things that matter, even if they’ve fallen out of fashion.

In fact, I think it makes us stronger to be able to hold on to what we love when the rising tide of change wants to wash it all away. It’s not about trying to hold back the tide or ignoring current trends. It’s about remembering who we are and what we love even when the rest of the world forgets (drive-in movies, I’m looking at you).

So we’ll remember. We’ll hold on. Because we care. Because it matters.

 

Author: Crystal Jackson

Editor: Sara Kärpänen

Photo:  Benurs / Flickr