Love Bitten & Drained Dry: My Ex-Boyfriend, the Vampire.

Via Kathryn Budig
on Jun 27, 2009
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vampire twilight

A yoga teacher talks about a relationship that left her feeling…drained.

I have many passions in life, but if I had to narrow it down to just a handful, they would be yoga, cooking, fabulous footwear, dark innovative chocolate and vampires.

Yup, you heard me, vampires.

In fact, I consider myself to be fairly schooled in the subject, so much so that I might just call myself a vampirelier: a knowledgeable vampire connoisseur. The funny thing is back in the day, pre-Twilight craze, I would always get the hairy eyeball when people would come over and view my vast collection of books and encyclopedias on vampires.  Now the blood suckers are mainstream in Hollywood and it would be frowned upon to not agree that Robert Pattinson is damn hot.

The world has caught up with me, and now realizes the incredible allure of these creatures (or sexy actors that play them), but I still held on to my little fantasy that I would someday run into a Brad Pitt vampire look-alike and he would sweep me away into his sexy, dark vampire world. Obviously, I’m not holding my breath, but I continue to devour the genre of books.  I was neck deep (the puns will keep coming, be forewarned) in my current read, longing for the adventure and excitement that the book revolved around.  In the yogic world you would call it ‘manifesting your fantasy into reality’.  In the vampire world, you could call it ‘summoning’, and what did I manage to pull off?  My very own vampire boyfriend.  Be careful what you wish for, because he came to my life ready to sink his emotionally draining canines into my heart.

Before you write me off as a complete nut, let me define the three different types of vampires for you (yes, I took a course in college).

  1. Historical.  These are the deceased that were dug up by early Eastern Europeans.  Vampires were often the ‘excuse’ for plagues when there was no other explanation.  Dig up the evildoer, stake them and hope that all the town’s woes will disappear.  They were the ultimate scapegoat.
  2. Literal.  You may have heard of this guy called Dracula?  He would be the prime example.  Any vampires in novels or film.
  3. Psychic.  No, they can’t read your jugular and tell you your future.  These vampires roam among us every single day.  Psychic vampires don’t drain blood, they drain emotion and energy to survive.  This is where my vampire falls.

I had always wanted a vampire in my life, and in he waltzed!  Summoned, manifested, however you want to call it by none other but little ol’me.  The funny thing is, vampires are only allowed to enter a human’s dwelling when they are given consent or invited in. Chaos was written all over him from the very beginning: beautiful Hollywood actor, recluse, an emotionally unavailable man with difficulty seeing past the tip of his own nose. We’ll call him Pire to protect the un-innocent.  Pire walked in, I called the cards as fate and readily invited him into my life…knowing deep down that there was a major missing link.

What ensued was about a four-month relationship with Pire, followed by a six-month recovery period—and as we all know it’s supposed to take half the time of the relationship to recover. In a phrase: I was pissed.  No matter how hard I tried to discipline myself, I found my fingers being lulled to the keyboard to google him (evil, evil tool that google).  Every time I ran into him at the studio it was like someone did a swift ninja kick to my knees. Basically, it took an absurdly long time for me to remove the thick veil from my eyes and see the true situation: I was being drained and was doing nothing to stop it except place the blame on him.

In yoga, this draining of energy is a direct violation of the yama (characteristics to follow in life) asteya (not stealing). Both Pire and I were guilty of crossing this yama.  He had been stealing my energy, but I was allowing it because of my extreme feeling of lack at the idea of losing him.  My belief was that my happiness was contingent on his love…and in believing that, my life force was draining away.  I completely closed my eyes to the fact that I had let him in and could rescind the invitation at anytime, but instead fell deeper into his shadow. I slowly climbed back out of the hole, but without any kind of gratitude for what he had shown me about myself. I still only felt a void.

It all came to a head recently when I finally kissed a guy.  Not only a non-vampire guy, but a guy that I really, really like. All was going swimmingly until, mid-kiss, an ad for Pire’s show comes on in the background on the TV.  I nearly screamed in the poor guy’s mouth (note: the quickest way to freak someone out) in frustration.

I can’t even escape the soul-sucking energy in my first kiss with a potentially new wonderful beau?

After the initial annoyance passed, instead of giving in like I had been doing for months, I opened up my eyes.  I had been letting this rancid energy suck at me and pull my life force and optimism for love out of me for way too long—and I was the one allowing it.  He wasn’t the demon to fight any more, it was me.  I knew it was time to rescind my vampire’s invitation.  So, what did I do?  I kissed right back and allowed myself to be in the arms of someone who truly wanted me there.

Someone who might suck on my ear lobes, but not on my soul.  Someone who was solid, and real, and good.  And with that, my trance began to fade, the weight on my shoulders began to lessen and I woke up from what felt like the longest night of my life to a new bright sun-filled day, with no more veil blocking my view.  It was time to stop blaming, and start being thankful.  Pire taught me more about myself then possibly anyone ever has.  I now know that my happiness will never be contingent on another being; human or vampire.  I will respect myself enough to not let someone steal from my energy, love and ability to see clearly.

Pire unknowingly gave me this great gift, and as a thank you, I staked him.


About Kathryn Budig

Kathryn is a lover and teacher of yoga by day, a wizard in the kitchen by dinner time and a professional dog snuggler at night. Follow Kathryn @kathrynbudig or on Facebook. Find her at


24 Responses to “Love Bitten & Drained Dry: My Ex-Boyfriend, the Vampire.”

  1. The Summoner says:

    Great job, Kathryn! Caught my Hairy Eyeball…

  2. Cass says:

    This article speaks volumes to me… just going through a break up after 2 1/2 years… been hard clearing out this heart chakra but think I may have made some progress, a new boy and I shared a kiss and I kissed right back too ; )

  3. sarah says:

    …as always your articles are funny, well written and feel as if you are writing for just for me–thanks!

  4. Brian Reilly says:

    Interesting story Kathryn. If you havn't read " The Celestine Prophecy " try to pick up a copy. It is a novel by James Redfield and although only fictional, it is based on experiences like you mention. You will find it unexpectantly fasinating and revealing.

    B R I A N
    BJR Yoga

  5. Brian Plumley says:

    Let it be your constant method to look into the design of people's actions, and see what they would be at, as often as it is practicable; and to make this custom the more significant, practice it first upon yourself.
    Marcus Aurelius

  6. Maria says:

    I dated a vampire before, he even looked like a vampire. You NEVER think that will happen to you, you know better-but for some reason… Damn!!! You get bit, OUCH! At least we learn and move towards the light! I'm not as quick as you I think it took me a year…

  7. Jonnie says:

    Great article, Kathryn! I love that you reference the three types of vampire 🙂 That was a fun class.

  8. Nancy Lee Nadel says:

    Kathryn i love this piece so much……… we all have our psychic vampires, and it SUCKS !!! pun intended.
    as much as the writing itself, i love how your humility shines in writing it.
    this is really wonderul

  9. Scott Ferguson says:

    cool article, i have had similar experiences.

  10. count dracula says:

    oh… woe is me… fuck off. you are a devilbitch that no man nor vampire could ever stomach. the whole world isnt about you. there is a reason that vamp got the fuck out.

  11. […] enough, my recent ‘Ah-ha’ moment came after seeing the midnight viewing of ‘New Moon’ on a work trip to Chapel Hill.  I’m forever amazed at the power literature and films have to […]

  12. Farnoosh says:

    You are so cute, Kathryn. I can still remember you insisting on the yoga ninja poses back in Chapel Hill. I have not read a single book or watched a single TV show/movie on vampires – but if you like them, I might look into it. Only good stuff happens when I follow your lead :)!

  13. yogi3ofclubs says:

    Thanks so much. I recently suffered through a similar experience. I spent weeks rehearsing how to break it off.

  14. mamabear234 says:

    Had a similar experience many years ago. Could not believe it could happen to me. When I finally set my boundary of what I wanted from him he left town (literally) the next day. Had I only known it was so easy… but it took a few years before I was ready for a real relationship after that. Ugh.

  15. Randall Smith says:

    interesting perspective, and good self-realization. in my case i guess i would be considered the vampire, but with no intention to assume that role. we allow other people to drain us because…why? insecurity? lack of confidence? lowered expectations? the search continues…meanwhile, i'm staying out of potential situations that could cause more victims;-)

  16. […] vampires: a term used to describe those unsavoury individuals that creep in to our life and wreak havoc on […]

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  19. Carolann says:

    our piece speaks volumes to me. I have had so many emotion sucking vampires, I couldn't even count. Now I have been in a relationship for over 20 years with a non vampire. I had never realized that all my previous relationsips had been with 'pires and that is why I had such a hard time leaving and recovering my emotional strength. After reading this, I vow NEVER to get into a thrall of a 'pire again.

  20. Mads says:

    If it bothers you so much, why do you read the article?
    You can still share your opinion without being rude! Or if it was a waste of your time, don't expend the energy it takes to write a distasteful comment. It just ruins your own mood.

  21. Mads says:

    You're answer is slightly funny and intriguing… Is that really how you see it? At least if this is how you feel, you are aware of it. Can vampires be saved?

    Good luck Randall.

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