I hope you ride my Bike without a helmet and get hit by a Monster Truck.

Via elephant journal
on Sep 30, 2009
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Update: bonus, a new great one:




Best Stolen Bike poster ever:

Image via Jalopnik.


Update: Get the shirt! With thanks to Erin King & Threadless for the tip.

threadless bike shirt Julian Glander aka secretly robots

my design MISSING started out as an actual flyer that I put up around my dorm when my bike was “stolen” earlier this year… Later, I found out it had been towed because I chained it to a fence with a “no bikes” sign on it. Whoops! Here’s the original flyer: and here are the 300 million bikes I drew before I got the right one: So anyways, thanks so much to everyone that made this design …


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18 Responses to “I hope you ride my Bike without a helmet and get hit by a Monster Truck.”

  1. Victor Omark says:

    Great !! This really made me laugh. Thank you !

  2. Via FB:
    Tyson S: Forgiveness Waylon. Everybody is suffering, even the bike thief.

    Waylon Lewis Good point–remember what Trungpa Rinpoche said about the person who stole last food during escape from Chinese across Tibetan Himalayas?

    Still, I think the above was in spirit of pure humor. Love it.

    Tyson S: Stealing bikes is pretty low.

    Waylon Lewis There's a sticker I used to have from a Wyoming bike shop that ably captures the sentiment: We Still Hang Bike Thieves in Wyoming.

  3. Yep, I think this poster is about right. Way not be to a victim.

  4. CouncilmanH says:

    Hehe … what a wonderful diagram and she made $2200. +2 for creativity.

  5. one taste says:

    There is nothing elighten or 'mindful' about this… it is full of anger and bitterness. It dose not inspire me not to steal bikes. Anger tends to produce more anger.

  6. michaelbiz says:

    Hmmm. I think I have a pretty good sense of humour. Hate to spoil y'all fun chiles… but isn't "wishing or requesting death to humans" equal to "causing death to humans" and "celebrating death of humans as carried out by others"?

    If you don't want your bicycle stolen perhaps one way to accomplish that is a t-shirt saying – "I wouldn't want to have YOUR karma. Please return my bike." But even lecturing about karma is a bit presumptuous.

    "I feel so shitty that you stole my bicycle – I was REALLY attached to it" might work a whole lot better. Own your crap. It's not really necessary to make life worse for other people no matter how bad you feel.

  7. Jablonski says:

    I agree with michaelbiz. Resentment, even "righteous resentment" is a negative force on the one holding the resentment. Sharing it on the internet only spreads that resentment and anger. It does not change the actions of the "bike thief" (it turns out there was no bike thief and it was the owners fault for locking to a "no bike" fence.)

    • elephantjournal says:

      Warning: elephant readers are way too self-serious. Please exit the building and reenter with a smile on your face and glint in your eye. Thank you. ~ Waylon

  8. ajBombach says:

    This was a good simple laugh. I feel enlightened… with laughter. Im sure the anger was released with this poster, but then laughed about, then the issue was let go. Feels good to laugh! Thanks for posting.

  9. Betsyv says:

    H I L A R I O U S. Deprecation and humor combined makes me seriously giggle. I don't see this as hate, more like growling and laughing. Kind of like a coyote. I like coyotes. I think some people here just don't like coyotes. That's just how I see it.

  10. ARCreated says:

    I just realized that we definitely think too much sometimes. I laughed, then I did the whole "this is wrong" thing…then I realized sometimes things are just a joke…we can also become to attached to being serious and judgy and worrying about things…
    If it had been meant seriously…booo, but in the light it was done in…haha…

    enLIGHTen up 🙂

  11. Katherine says:

    oh my goodness to above naysayers. This is simple fucking humor. Laugh! It's funny!! ha ha, you know, funny. giggle giggle, teeheehee. Especially the "straight to hell" part. Lightened up my moment.

  12. elephantjournal says:


    Sharon Martin Andersson LIKE!!

    Heather Grace Too cute

    Walt Hester Anyone who steals a bike has a special place reserved for them in Hell, along with anyone who would steal a guitar or surf board.! Bad, bad karma.!

    Kristi Kaye I like this poster. My Gary Fisher was stolen in 2005 and I still look at peoples bike and think hmm is that mine

    Belinda B. Barnes Love it!

  13. Deena says:

    "May not be to scale" is what made this poster awesome.

  14. Chris says:

    This was written a long time ago, but it caught my eye and I felt strongly compelled to respond. Good stuff goes on forever. Yes, indeed, humor and perspective is the key to this discussion. Several weeks ago, someone new to my apt. complex, thought I was in their parking space, #63, because her apt. was #63. Late one night, fed up with my persistant transgression, she called the towing company contracted with my apt. complex and had my car towed. Kind of like having your very much loved and prized bike "stolen." In the the towing process, my Subaru AWD was totally destroyed. You know, at one point, I too didn't even want my car back – it had been violated, like having your apt. ransacked, it never feels like home again. Long story short, I got my car back, all was made whole, but what I learned from this ordeal was that these "catastrophes" are ultimately puny events in life. There's a whole lot of suffering out there in the world, but having your bike stolen, or your car damaged in a tow, or your iPhone stolen, doesn't land in this category, not even close. While undergoing the ordeal of car repair, insurance, legal action, my friends shared stories w/me of events in theirs lives they had thought at the time were the stuff of disasters. In hindsight we had gained perspective and, surprisingly, found ourselves laughing at our overwrought worry and self-involvement. What were we thinking? God bless those who truly suffer.

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