Healing: A Personal Example.

Via Ben Ralston
on Jul 15, 2010
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Acknowledging a subconscious blockage towards change.

WOW, this morning I had a major breakthrough. I’m going to tell you how I:

  • overcame a serious personal blockage
  • let go of an inherited fear that was preventing me from feeling great
  • paved the way for a much greater degree of success in my work.

I had been feeling ‘out of sorts’ for a few weeks now:

  • First of all I haven’t had much work, which means not much money—eek. A month ago I had an average of six to seven clients per week. The last three weeks I’ve had one or two. If you’ve ever been self employed, with no one to pay your wages/sick leave/taxes/holidays you’ll know what this feels like.
  • Secondly, I’ve been feeling kind of ‘foggy’—unable to think clearly and unable to put my resolutions into action. In a word: incoherent. For example, I haven’t been able to write—even though I’ve been trying to write something every day, nothing has been coming out! Both my blog and my book have been neglected—a typical example of ‘writer’s block’. Every time I tried to write something I felt that it was no good: I didn’t have the confidence to publish anything.
  • Thirdly, for the last three days I had a headache. Not a really bad headache—just one of those nagging, dull, annoying pains that just won’t go away; I was even waking up in the middle of the night with it.

All in all, I’ve been feeling pretty bad. So I knew something was wrong. The trouble is that when you’re feeling ‘foggy’ and unable to think clearly it’s difficult to get to the bottom of the problem.

Yesterday, I fasted on fruit (I plan to write an article on fasting) to clear my head. It worked. I woke up this morning feeling slightly better—headache gone—and decided to immediately work on whatever was causing me these problems.

(Something you need to know before we continue: my wife Petra and I are expecting our first child in November).

As I felt into the problem, I began to feel something very deep and strong welling up inside me. I realized that I was harboring a deep fear of being a father. It dawned on me that I felt completely unprepared for this huge undertaking: what if I don’t have what it takes to be a father? What if I don’t have enough love to give to this new being? What if I cannot support the three of us, financially, emotionally, and spiritually? What if…

I was completely ‘stuck,’ paralyzed with fear. Deep down, I felt unworthy, incapable, and unprepared to be a father.

Let me be clear: if someone had asked me if I was prepared to be a parent, I would have said yes. Absolutely, I can’t wait. I didn’t think that I would be a bad dad. On the contrary, I knew that in many ways I would be a great father.

But I felt the blockage on a deeply subconscious level.

Now to understand subconscious blockages and the healing of them, here comes the important part:

My higher consciousness was trying to bring this subconscious blockage to my attention so that I could deal with it, and let it go. So what actually happened is that I manifested headache, lack of abundance, and writer’s block in order to make myself stop everything and look deeply at the underlying problem: a subconscious resistance towards the big change that is fast approaching in my life.

Clever, huh?!

Now, is it normal to feel apprehensive about being a father for the first time? Do other first time parents ‘get the fear’ about suddenly becoming completely responsible for another human being? Is it okay to be uncertain about the biggest change one can ever face in life?

Absolutely—I’m sure many people go through the same thing. Change is part of life, and sometimes fear of change is also part of the territory.

Are there some people who don’t have this fear of being a parent for the first time—I’m sure there are. But I believe that we all, unless we’re fully enlightened, have some blockages like this. In fact, I believe that enlightenment is the state of being completely free of these blockages. So as we release them one by one, we gradually come closer and closer to our natural state of being, which is perfect.

Why did I have this particular blockage? Well, I believe that the main reason is that my grandfather died when my father was just 6 years old. He didn’t have a father himself, and had never learned ‘how to do it’. I was his first child, and he wasn’t a confident dad. In other words,I inherited it from him. (It has been proven scientifically—through epigentics—that we inherit memory in our cells.)

Why did I resist that fear for several weeks and take such a long time to deal with it? Well, all I can say is that I’m still learning, and sometimes I find it easier healing other people than I do myself.

Having discovered the cause of my problem—a subconscious resistance to the upcoming changes in my life—I released it, relatively quickly and easily (the whole process took about 10 minutes). I simply acknowledged the previously subconscious association between that feeling of paralysis and change, and it vanished, taking all the fear, self doubt, and confusion with it.

Result: I’m writing again; my head is clear; and I am free from that nagging sense of “I’m not good enough.”

What a wonderful morning.

That’s healing folks: we all have subconscious associations, beliefs, and ideas that hold us back. Sometimes those blockages cause physical problems; sometimes they manifest as emotional or psychological issues – sometimes all three. Whatever the symptoms are, the cause is a lack of coherence due to subconscious blockage.

However, underneath the blockage there is a higher consciousness. That higher consciousness is divine; perfect, all-powerful – it is our essence. All we need to do is let go of the blockage, and let our ‘higher self’ do the rest. It really is easy, fun and fast.

This is a new paradigm for healing:

In the past, healing was thought to be complicated, expensive, and time-consuming. People thought that only ‘gifted’ people; perhaps ‘wounded’ healers, or ‘special ones’ could do it. It was thought to be something ‘magical’, or supernatural. But you know what?

Anyone can do it. The technique is simple (you can learn it in a couple of days) and the results are permanent. It is written that Jesus said:

“…All these things, and greater, you shall do too…”

It seems that Jesus was prophesying a time in which ‘normal’ people would also be able to perform miracles. I believe that time is now.

Would you like to learn for yourself how to release blockages and heal?

Do you agree that enlightenment is a state of ‘no blockages’?

Can you relate to being nervous about being a first time parent?

Please leave a comment.


About Ben Ralston

Ben Ralston has been practising personal development—necessity being the Mother of invention—since he was about six years old. He’s been teaching and sharing what he’s learnt along the way for a couple of decades. His main thing is Heart of Tribe retreats—whose very purpose is to help you fall back in love with life, no less. Leading these retreats alongside his woman Kara-Leah Grant—also an elephant journal writer (that’s how they met!)—they combine a deep well of lineage-based yoga teaching experience, with expertise in healing trauma and various other methods of personal development. Ben also works with clients one-on-one via Skype, writes, makes videos from time to time, and is passionate about parenting. He lives in an intentional, tribal community in the hills of Croatia, where you might find him gardening barefoot and talking to the rocks. Connect with Ben on Facebook or YouTube or check out his website for more info.


21 Responses to “Healing: A Personal Example.”

  1. Loo says:

    Wow. Thank you so much for that. I've been feeling a similar sense of malaise and after reading your post I can see now that it's just fear … certainly I'm not facing something as profound as becoming a parent but I'm about to attend my first ever Ashtanga yoga retreat this weekend and I admit, it's freaking me out a little. Reading this just made me feel better and allowed me to accept that I can be both excited for and afraid of potential growth and opening at the same time.

  2. originsg says:

    Thanks for this insightful post! I think the yogic concept of Kundalini as described in ancient yoga texts and also by CG Jung would concur that opening up the body from the inside out relieves stress and frees the mind. I'm not an expert, but this got me thinking. Namaste!

  3. Ben Ralston says:

    Hi Loo,
    I acknowledge that attending your first yoga retreat can be pretty overwhelming: part of you knows that you’re about to enter into a deeper aspect of yoga, and therefore a deeper aspect of yourself, than ever before. So I’d say that in a sense you are facing something pretty profound, and it’s understandable to feel afraid – most people have these blockages towards growth and opening; it’s the ego / monkey mind that wants to hold on to what it knows, and fears change.
    Let go, and I hope you have a wonderful retreat.
    With love,

  4. Ben Ralston says:

    Hello Originsg,

    To be honest I don’t understand what you mean about: “opening up the body from the inside out relieves stress and frees the mind”, or how that relates to Kundalini, or how any of that relates to what I wrote in the article above!
    Can you explain?

    On the subject of Kundalini though, I have written an article on my personal experience raising the dormant kundalini energy, here:

    Enjoy 😉


  5. Ben_Ralston says:

    Dear Holly, I suggest you think deeply about how *you* felt when you were a child and your Father was not there. How did it feel to want him to be there, and to not have him (when you were very young).
    I believe that you probably felt that on some level, very deeply, you were inadequate. Search your feelings, and go as deeply as you can into it. When you find the deepest feelings that you harbored as a child towards this lack of a Father, acknowledge that you felt that as a child – that YOU felt responsibility for his absence. Also acknowledge that it wasn't your fault.
    I believe it's that feeling of inadequacy that you felt as a child that is causing you to feel inadequate as a parent.
    With love, Ben

  6. movimiento says:

    I resonate a lot with the healing you speak of and hope to make it out to visit you sometime (I live in Turkey). I too see the effects of stress and worry about money, worth, life, parenting, partnering, teaching manifest itself in many forms and I am grateful for the wisdom I have received from my studies, other people and my own experience to understand that everything is connected (physical, mental, emotional) and thus we must approach healing holistically. I think that is something most of the world has lost due to Western medicine and modern life with the need of a "quick fix" to get on with life and thinking that physical pain – is just that and not connected to anything else. Here's a great quote I found, by Plato!!

    "No attempt should be made to cure the body without the soul, you must begin curing the mind…for this is the great error of our day in the treatment of the human body, the physicians first separate the soul from the body." Plato

    A last comment as a mother…parenthood is a journey and there will be many places of fear and doubt and many of joy and excitement. All are amazing, all are important to recognize and acknowledge. Enjoy the ride!

    Best to you and hope to meet you some day.

  7. Ben:

    I absolutely understand what you’re going through. I remember saying to a friend, when she asked me if I were excited about becoming a parent, that I was scared to death. “I don’t know what I’m doing!” I said. She replied, “People will help you!” And it’s absolutely true–everyone who has been helped themselves will step up to pay it forward.

    And parenthood is an incredible trip! Having these growing people in my care has been a process of extraordinary growth. And while everyone says it, it’s true, so I’ll say it again: enjoy them, because they grow up *so fast*!

    I also agree with your take on Jesus; in the Course in Miracles (which I do not “do,” though I have learned a lot from it) Jesus said that He had nothing of God which we do not all have–the difference is that He has nothing else.

  8. Ben_Ralston says:

    Thank you Movimiento,
    Great quote from Plato. Wow, I guess he said that a looooong time ago and today people are more and more beginning to wake up to the truth of it.
    I'd love you to come here one day. In the meantime you might benefit from a session via skype? it's no less effective than in person.
    Until we meet 🙂

    ps – I'm a Father for 4 months now, and it's the most challenging experience of my life. Which is to say that I LOVE it 🙂

  9. Ben_Ralston says:

    Yes, that's beautiful Scott – the Jesus part.
    And as for the parenting part – yeh, 4 months in and it's gone by like a flash!

  10. Ben_Ralston says:

    Gee, thank you Carolina 🙂

  11. Ben_Ralston says:

    Yes, blockage by blockage we release ourselves towards liberation. It's a beautiful, joyful, exhilarating journey.

  12. AnnetteVictoria says:

    Thanks so much for sharing this, Ben. I love how you are so open about what is going on with you, and I felt very comfortable opening up to you in our last Skype session. Will email you now to set up the next one!

  13. Ben_Ralston says:

    Great, thank you Anne – I'm looking forward to continuing our work!

  14. Sasha says:

    Awesome. Honest. Helpful. Best of luck with fatherhood – I'm sure it will be amazing.

  15. Michele says:

    Great post. Just what I needed to hear today. I'd like to hear more about what kind of practice you did in the "quick and easy 10 minutes to acknowledge and release"…

  16. Fantastic Ben! Missed this one the first go-round. Can't wait for you to read my upcoming post (work in progress)… I think you'll have a few comments to make 🙂

  17. Jodi says:

    Wow, I think this is part of why I don't want to be a parent, at least not right now. I have enough trouble supporting myself and my companion animals financially. I never feel financially secure enough and am worried I never will. Does that make sense? Thoughts?

  18. Ben_Ralston says:

    Hi Jodi, only just saw this comment.
    Yes, makes perfect sense. I tell you, being a parent is HUGE. It's like freefall parachuting when all you've ever done is jump up and down. Everything changes. And it's incredibly challenging.
    It's also joyful and rewarding. But I recommend preparing for 7 years before intentionally creating a new life.

  19. Ben_Ralston says:

    Missed this comment before Lynn. Did I comment? What was the post?!

  20. Ben_Ralston says:

    Michele. Humankind is going through a massive shift in consciousness at the moment. There is vast potential for change, as is reflected in the environment, economies, and politics worldwide at the moment.
    The therapy I practice is also a result of this shift… it's called Reference Point Therapy. In a nutshell: all (99%) our problems are the result of subconscious blockages, which in turn are the result of trauma. RPT is a method for identifying the underlying trauma, and releasing it. It's fast, easy, and the results are permanent.
    You can read my other article here on EJ – "Why Healing / Therapy / personal development just became fast and easy"

  21. Ben_Ralston says:

    Thank you Sasha, it's certainly amazing!