What is the most important moment in your life..?

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…for your physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual development.

Shall I tell you?

Your birth.

How, with whom, where and when, in what manner, and under what circumstances you were born are the most influential factors in the development of a human being.

Of course, everything in one’s life is important. Everything has a cause, or countless causes, as well as countless repercussions: because everything in this world is interconnected with everything else!

However, there is an ancient wisdom (in many cultures) stating that the manner in which something is begun, reflects the manner in which it will continue.

I have no doubt that the way in which we are born echoes through the rest of our life.

The reason I am thinking about this, investigating, researching, and now writing about it at the moment, is because my wife and I are looking into ways to birth our first child, due in November. Having done lots of research, we are now planning a natural home birth.

We have read several books about childbirth, seen some amazing movies, met a doula, and visited a birth center. What I have found out is very, very interesting.

I plan to write several more articles sharing what I’ve found, because it has effected me deeply. I now believe that the most important thing we can do for ourselves, our children, our society, and the Earth herself, is change the way we think about birth.

Why? Because most people these days are born in sterile, cold, bright, harsh, impatient, hurried, and unfriendly circumstances. Is it any wonder that our society is getting faster and faster, less and less friendly, more and more mechanical?

Is it possible that if we were to start birthing all our children naturally—slowly and gently, lovingly, with patience and without worry, that perhaps our society would also reflect that change?

I first started to think about all this several years ago when I heard Tony Samara, an amazing spiritual teacher and shaman, explaining that Western medicine views birth as a ‘procedure’; whereas all ancient cultures used to view it as a sacred ceremony. That really got me thinking…

Recently, I had an experience in meditation in which I re-experienced my birth. I felt as if I was being pulled by the head so hard that my body would detach.

Later, I found out from my Mother that forceps were used to pull me from her body.

I know without any doubt, that experience, as I emerged for the first time into this world, shaped the pattern of addiction that affected me for several years.

In future articles I will explain in detail what I believe were the consequences of that moment in my life; what we can all do to improve birthing in our society; and I will also tell you about two movies about natural birth that are among the most beautiful movies I have ever seen in my life.

With love,


Do you know much about the circumstances of your birth?

Have you had a natural birth experience, or a hospital birth, or any other kind of birth that you could share?

Perhaps you have a different view than mine towards childbirth?

Please leave a comment (or I’ll put a curse on you and all your children will be born naked).

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Ben Ralston

Ben Ralston has been practising personal development—necessity being the Mother of invention—since he was about six years old. He’s been teaching and sharing what he’s learnt along the way for a couple of decades. His main thing is Heart of Tribe retreats—whose very purpose is to help you fall back in love with life, no less. Leading these retreats alongside his woman Kara-Leah Grant—also an elephant journal writer (that’s how they met!)—they combine a deep well of lineage-based yoga teaching experience, with expertise in healing trauma and various other methods of personal development. Ben also works with clients one-on-one via Skype, writes, makes videos from time to time, and is passionate about parenting.
He lives in an intentional, tribal community in the hills of Croatia, where you might find him gardening barefoot and talking to the rocks. Connect with Ben on Facebook or YouTube or check out his website for more info.

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anonymous Sep 2, 2010 3:19pm

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anonymous Aug 28, 2010 9:12am

[…] all born into a unique set of circumstances.  What do we do with what we’re given?  Do we leverage it, to become all of that plus something […]

anonymous Aug 18, 2010 12:11am

My stories and thoughts (this topic is a bit of a fascination of mine, being what I call a soulwyfe practitioner) may be too long for the comments! I strongly feel that our birth not only may reach far into our life with great meaning, but that it also reflects complexes, boons and banes that we may be needing to work through from other lifetimes as well.

Personally, I will say that the birth of my two girls were vastly unique, as are they. I learned that we often get the birth the child needs, not the birth we want (as my midwyfe cautioned the day of my first daughter's birth – after three days of labor, we ended up at the hospital. My second came so fast we barely made it, she was born in the water and slipped out like buttah!).

I also learned that birth can be profound and beautiful wherever it occurs if the people involved are committed to demanding that love be the atmosphere.

Countless blessings to you and your wife, as you ready to welcome another precious being into the world!
Birth is truly the most pure example of love I've ever experienced.

[email protected] redhandferi

    anonymous Sep 5, 2010 5:59am

    Thank you Kim, for your blessings and also for your beautiful message of hope and light and love… You just made me a little more excited and inspired for the coming times, when I thought that I couldn't be more so 🙂
    Love, Ben

anonymous Aug 16, 2010 9:28pm

My mother was knocked out and I was dragged out … known as a "knock em out, drag em out" birth. Then I was placed into an incubator alone in the hospital for at least a week. It was traumatic for me, I know. That is why I have such passion within me to make birth beautiful, peaceful, loving … the way it was designed to be …. when we can release our fears and accept the divine design.

Looking forward to reading along with your journey.

    anonymous Sep 5, 2010 5:58am

    Helene, I know you know that 'traumatic' is an understatement. For a deeply sensitive (in ways which we can't imagine as adults), totally vulnerable newborn babe to be treated like that is really horrific. I've no doubt that in the future people will look back at the way we used to, and sometimes still do, birth our children, in the same way that we look back at battlefield doctors 100 years ago sawing off limbs with no anaesthetic.
    I believe the field you work in is the single most important job anyone can do!
    Keep it up, with love, Ben

anonymous Aug 15, 2010 12:09pm

How interesting that 'Irisblooming' and 'Pauloone' both had home births and both have an adventurous, courageous attitude to life. Thank you Iris for contributing, it warms my heart.
With love, Ben

anonymous Aug 15, 2010 11:56am

Thank you Ben, & I look forward to more. I was born on my mothers' bed at my grandmothers house..midwife – neighbor called Maria. The only daughter of my parents and also the eldest of 10 siblings from other partnerships. All other babies were born in hospitals…My story has many, many layers of intricate details…in short…out of the 10 siblings I have the most expansive world view due to education, travel and an adveturest additude. I had my share of challenges including doubts and fears (due to a severe illness with mother figure) and my addtitude of moving forward always got me through. I do not however think of myself as "better than or more privilage than my siblings"….because I still believe that with great determination and willingness to grow my siblings are capable of contributing their talents as well…I guess I hold them within the sacred space of my own heart. I have never been afraid to visit my neighbors, spend time with them and be curious about them…I am most known for being able to engage with people from all walks of life and enjoy or learn from many worldviews simotaniously. Thanks again for sharing…

anonymous Aug 15, 2010 10:26am

I agree the circumstances of a person's birth are important, and that we have a long way to go in making it a better experience for babies and their families in our culture. I also think saying it is the most important moment in every person's life is probably an overstatement in many if not most cases and one that adds unnecessary stress to what will inevitably be a stressful situation for you and your family. For me, giving birth was more definitive a moment than being born. So was swimming for the first time. I would recommend some balance and some good jokes to lighten the whole concept in your mind 🙂 Congratulations and blessed be.

    anonymous Aug 15, 2010 11:41am

    Hello Kathy 😀
    I actually do have an almost permanent grin on my face at the moment, so don't worry, I'm not as serious as my writing sometimes sounds. I write seriously because I try to convey in as strong a way as possible what I consider to be true. However, I somehow maintain a level of detachment (finally, after many years of work on that!) and have learnt that what will be will be, no matter what I do. But my work, and therefore my pleasure, is to convey that message anyway…
    Thank you for your concern though!
    With love, Ben

anonymous Aug 15, 2010 9:38am

Yes. Thanks. I was pulled out forcefully also. "Permanent" "damage" to my nervous system – compromised vision on the physical level. Every once in a great, great while I speculate how this has impacted every other aspect of my development.

I intuit that we can recreate ourselves and rebirth ourselves, releasing many of the gross and subtle imprints that seem to limit us.

    anonymous Aug 15, 2010 11:48am

    Yeshe, I know that we can recreate ourselves (the part that matters most anyway). My work as a healer is to do that, or rather to facilitate the doing of that, in others. It's actually amazingly easy! Check out Reference Point Therapy (www.referencepointtherapy.com). We are divine beings. When we start to realize that (not only believe it, but really realize it) then anything is possible.
    The imprints you talk about are real – but only as long as we allow them to be! Of course you'll find many who disagree with me on that, but I've found it to be true.
    Love, Ben

anonymous Aug 15, 2010 9:10am

So much to think about. I was born at home in Italy where my parents were at the time. A local midwife assisted. I am told that the manner of my birth explains much of my attitude towards life. Friends tell me that I enjoy life and that I seem to fear no challenge, in fact I tend to set new challenges for myself constantly. From the moment of my birth, life was safe and accepting and not to be feared. Enjoyed your thoughts very much.

    anonymous Aug 15, 2010 11:45am

    Hi Pauloone (wow, your parents gave you a home birth, but a name like that?! only kidding…)
    You're in such a minority, I'm sure you know.
    There is a theory (which I subscribe to more and more) that we are enlightened beings already in the womb, but any trauma from then on jolts us out of that state. Birth is a big jolt for most people. The theory also states that there are many levels and states of enlightenment… sounds as if you may be experiencing one of them most of the time! Nice one!
    With love, Ben

      anonymous Aug 15, 2010 1:48pm

      Thanks Ben,
      By way of explanation my parents couldn't decide which of my three uncles to name me after so they named me after all three in alphabetical order. 🙂

        anonymous Aug 15, 2010 1:56pm

        Oh, so your name is really Pauloone? Interesting… So one Uncle was called Paul? What the other two?

          anonymous Aug 15, 2010 2:05pm

          Haha, now I understand. You only see my ID name pauloone not my real name. I'm Alan Jakob Paulo Saiz , Saiz being my last/family name. I'm paulone here and on facebook.