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November 8, 2010

Top 20 thoughts to think while pretending to meditate.

I am the King of the Monkey Mind!

I never force my mind to go anywhere in particular when I sit zazen. When thoughts come, I let them come. When they go, I let them go. Of course there are times when the chugpi is struck three times, signaling the end of practice and I realize that really, I was just pretending to meditate the entire time.

So from my distraction to your amusement I present:

Top 20 Thoughts to Think While Pretending to Meditate!

20. Boobies.

19. What’s Opera Doc? “Oh Bwunhilda! You’re so wovewy! Yes I know it, I can’t help it!”

18. Ow! Cramp cramp cramp cramp cramp cramp cramp!

17. Does the song The Final Countdown have any lyrics besides, “It’s the final countdown!”?

16. If I were Wolverine and my claws extended right now, which body parts would be effected?

15. I got this shit down!

spiritual fuck off

14. cokacolacokacolacokacola

13. Choo-choo train! Woo woo!

12. Everyone would totally freak out if I started floating.

11. I sure do love watching cat videos on YouTube.

10. Access: denied. Access: denied. Access: denied. Access: denied. Access: granted. Woohoo!

9. Now that would be the perfect sandwich!

8. “Hello Blake!” “Hello face emerging out of the grain of the zendo’s hardwood floor!”

7. Does it really matter that Han Solo shot first?

6. Reality is a still pond. What we perceive are the ripples. Hobos drink ripple. I wonder what ripple tastes like. I bet it’s gross. Worse than Maddog 20/20.

5. Calliope music!

4. Frag this! I’m taking up yoga! Mmmm… yoga pants

3. I wonder what would happen if I replaced the regular incense with the bacon-sented variety.

2. Wish I was a little bit taller, wish I was a baller, wish I had a girl who looked good I would her. wish I had a rabbit in a something something something, ’64 Impala. OH! Cruising down the street in my ’64. Jockin the bitches, slapping the hos. Went to the park to get the scoop. Knuckleheads out there cold shooting some hoop.

1. Don’t know.


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