Broken: I’m Hurting. Is it Helping?

Via Lindsey Lewis
on Nov 16, 2010
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So, Waylon Lewis, uber-inspiring founder of this great online mag, has been on us columnists to get off our duffs and do our stuff–write.

White Hot Truth maven Danielle LaPorte–who I am eternally grateful to for helping me create this incredible, freeing, loving life I’m now living–once wrote a post about how to blog. She recommended we hold off on writing about the shite we go through until after the fact. I think she might have even used the phrase “Pull your pants up.” She suggested we only do it if we can come at it with some insights, something of use to share to our readers. I agree with her.

I just can’t do it today. Because today I’m still processing. Today I’m still mourning.  And I have no interest in involving other people, outside my intimate circle of close friends and family, in my inner drama. But I have to write, and I can’t get anything else to come out.

When a relationship ends, it’s like a death. And we can all acknowledge that it’s a part of life, that it’s not unusual, that it happens all the time, all over the world. But that doesn’t negate the pain.

I guess I’m hoping that since this experience is so universal–broken hearted, sobbing on the bed, head-ache in your head–that simply sharing my experience of it will maybe be useful enough.

Here’s what I know for sure.

I have loved. Like never before. Like no one before. I have kept on opening wider my own heart, and giving despite not knowing, and that experience was more uplifiting than any love I have ever received. Now, I know it’s true. Love is giving.

I have been challenged. I have grown. Yogis, seekers, healers, spiritual gurus: They all tell us we will bring into our life people who will force us to face our own judgements, our own closed places. Because of these people, we will have to open those places up, air them out, and deal with the junk we’d jammed behind the door and forgotten about. I have cleared.

I see the other side. They also say we attract people who mirror us. I have never met anyone so like me in so many incredibly fundamental ways. I saw that being with him was like being in a relationship with myself. I was shown how it has been for other people who have loved me. I understand now.

I am no longer enamoured with grand gestures. They are wonderful. But it’s the un-intended things that really count. It’s the silence in the car. The occasional bickering. It’s the truth that’s gently spoken, rather than tucked away. It’s the things that only happen between two people who are certain the other loves them, and won’t run when things get uncomfortable.

I am going to continue to open my heart. I am going to continue to give love. No matter what.



About Lindsey Lewis

I’m a yoga teacher, life coach in-training, retreat host, business woman, and entrepreneur. I write, I paint, I draw, I dance. I get outside every day. I challenge myself. I meditate. Riding my cruiser bike along the seawall rocks my world. Being of service is essential. I’m committed to helping the world find their freedom. I believe in love. I believe in the human capacity to evolve, to grow, and to make the world a better place—even if it’s simply through our re-vitalized presence. Let's connect! I'm at Libre Living. Twitter and Facebook Also, Libre Retreats on Twitter @libreretreats


7 Responses to “Broken: I’m Hurting. Is it Helping?”

  1. ARCreated says:

    OH my dear sister. what beautiful blog. You are so correct about the little things. My husband and I had a rough patch this weekend. I can tell you I'm glad I'm not dating myself 🙂

    You are obviously wise and open and ready – and already know that this shall pass. and I would disagree that you came to this blog too soon…the insight is already there.

  2. neilsattin says:

    The pain sucks, no doubt about it. I'm glad to hear that you're determined to keep on giving love. For my part, it was all of my "failures" that prepared me for the right relationship – when I, the world, and my wife-to-be were all ready for it.

    Of course, even now, the learning process continues.

    I wish you speedy healing, insightful processing, and all the love you can handle. Maybe even a little more. OK, a lot more. Blessings.

  3. Sorry to hear about your pain. But it is true that you have and will continue to grow from it. It's inspiring to hear you are not deterred from loving fully again! Thank you for sharing and I hope you feel better soon 🙂

  4. cbhananda says:

    Thank you for daring to write when you didn't feel ready. It was insightful and full of love. Namaste.

  5. grace says:

    Joy, you are I are in similar spaces…thank you for sharing – and keep up the voice. Us EJ writers need to keep writin'!!!

  6. Ben_Ralston says:

    Hey Lindsey, sorry to hear that you're hurting. But it'll pass as you know, and when it does, you'll meet someone who really deserves you. You're beautiful. Keep on loving, keep on giving (through writing such as this too!)
    With love, Ben

  7. Dylan says:

    This is really raw and heartfelt and beautiful, Lindsey. I sometimes think we are all here to learn how to love. We're all flawed. Damaged and hurt and insecure in certain ways and places. The more we open up and love – which is often giving, as you say – the more we grow and heal. Even though it does hurt like hell at times.

    Thanks for sharing. And write on. It's great Therapy, as we both know.