Can We Predict How Our Relationship Will Change Over Time?
There is an old saying that women fall in love hoping that he will change, and men fall in love hoping she will not. Truth is, while the fundamental nature of the person you fall in love with will remain constant, their desires, goals, interests and passions will change dramatically over time. Therefore, relationships that are most accommodating to change are the ones that will survive over the long haul.
Can these changes be predicted? Can we prepare ourselves, so we are not knocked off our feet when our partner is ready to shift gears?
The sages of India, who cognized the knowledge of Yoga, also conceived a system of astrological calculations to help us get a glimpse into our future.
One highly accurate predictive system used by Vedic Astrologers is called the ‘Vimshottari Dasha’ (planetary period). It is based on a 120 year long cycle (the life expectancy in ancient India) and is divided into nine planetary periods, each ranging from six to twenty years. When you have a Vedic Astrology reading, the astrologer will tell you which planetary period you are in and give you a list of dates laying out the days, months, and years of how your life will unfold. Herein lays the answer to the mystery of your own or your partner’s sudden transformation.
In Sanskrit, the word for planets is Graha, which means “to grab, seize or possess”. Every time, a dasha or planetary period changes, it’s as if a different planetary energy seizes our aura. As a result, major life changes occur in our personality, desires, aspirations and circumstances. It is at the cusp of these changing planetary periods that the relationship is most vulnerable because there is nothing that rattles a relationship more than one person suddenly altering the rules of how they engaged in the past.
In the Dasha system, the order of the planets does not change (i.e. Mercury always follows Saturn and Sun always Venus) but every chart runs the planetary periods at different times, depending on which period you started with at birth. While, the impact of each planet will be expressed differently based on its placement and other influences upon it in the horoscope, you can still get a general idea of what planet is affecting your aura, or that of your partner at any given time by knowing the current dasha, or planetary period.
For example, let’s say you met your partner in her Venus dasha. In this period, the karma is predominantly directing us to seek comfort, pleasure, love, and romance. The twenty year Venus dasha period is followed by that of the planetary period of the Sun, our cosmic masculine energy, and you may find that the easygoing, fun loving girl you met in Venus wants to carve her own path in life in Sun. She may no longer be willing to go along with your wishes, as the urge to find her own voice and identity becomes a formidable drive inside her. A well placed Sun in her chart will allow her to shine, but an ill placed one could take a real toll on her confidence, straining your relationship, so it is best that you help her towards self-reliance, rather than waiting for her to go back to being the way she used to be.
The six year Sun period ends and ushers in the ten year Moon period, which brings out our cosmic feminine energy and the desire to nest and nurture. That sweet natured poet that you hooked up with in his Moon period, who was happy to hang out with you and your sister, cook you guys dinner and even wash up afterwards, moves into the energetic and daring Mars period. You may find he has transformed into someone rather competitive, who may be spending more time at the gym than in the kitchen. Rather than taking it personally, encourage him to discover his strength and courage and share the dish washing (the poet is still there inside him, just not at the forefront of his mind)!
The biggest transformation usually comes at the end of the Rahu (north node) planetary period, which is often driven to excess in whatever area it is activating in the horoscope. Rahu’s impulses work through the unconscious mind; therefore, moderation and caution are not his strong suits. The eighteen year wild ride of Rahu is followed by the dasha of the most benevolent and welcomed of planets, Jupiter, whose grace, optimism and guidance naturally move us towards higher thinking and connection with the spirit. Yoga, spirituality, gurus, sacred journeys, ethics and personal growth are often the themes of this period. When I get clients who come to me at the end of a difficult Rahu dasha, I tell them to wait because the guy or gal they want to marry in Rahu dasha is probably not the one they will want to wake up with in Jupiter dasha.
Sometimes two souls fall in love when one of them is under the stern eye of a Saturn planetary period, where the karma favors a more conservative and disciplined approach to life. Nineteen years of Saturn dasha ends, and the curiosity and playfulness of Mercury takes over. Most people are so ready to break loose of Saturn’s shackles that they demand change in every aspect of their life, especially the relationship. Don’t be surprised if your partner wants to trade in his functional minivan for a motorcycle! Buy a helmet, and enjoy the ride.
Mercury’s two decades of curiosity, exploration and learning about the world, are followed by the planetary period of the highly idealistic Ketu (south node), who demands scaling back our material aspirations. At the start of their Ketu period, I have seen many people simply walk away from life and all that they have built with Mercury, which often includes their current relationship. Work with your partner’s desire to downsize and embrace some of the simplicity that Ketu brings.
It is important to remember that planets are not making things happen, but simply reflecting the karma you are due to experience in this life. The drive of the soul to bear the fruits of its karma is so strong that most people are unable to exercise their free will. The goal of all spiritual practices like Yoga, Meditation and Vedic Astrology is to make us aware of our karmic tendencies and live out our karmas more consciously, as well as exercise our free will.
So accept change wholeheartedly as an inevitable part of your relationships, and align your spirit with creatively embracing the changing planets in your own and your partner’s life. Be patient, and know that the key to adapting to change is to let go of fear, while being honest about the concerns that may arise in your relationships. And remember the karma for personal growth will unfold differently for two people—even though you might be feeling a very strong urge to transform your life your partner may not yet be ready.
Stability helps build the foundation of a relationship but it is change that helps us grow and reach new heights.
Renu Namjoshi is a Vedic Astrologer, offering a unique counseling service based on years of deep study and practice of all aspects of life, as revealed in the system of Vedic Sciences including: Vedic Astrology, Ayurveda, Yoga, Meditation and Mantra practice. Renu accepts the responsibility of holding this ancient knowledge and wisdom with great humility and strives to be of genuine service to each and every one of her clients. Visit her online or e-mail her at [email protected]