Suck it, Summer’s Eve.

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So there I was, 30 minutes early to the theater with my nieces, and nephew,  innocently mixing M&M’s into the popcorn, and waiting for the last Harry Potter movie to finally begin when this happened:



I guess we should be grateful they decided not to go with, “Hail to The Stinky Bearded Clam!”

Truth be told, I’ll admit that I have for some time suspected that my vagina may indeed be both the epicenter of civilization and most powerful force on earth–which is undoubtedly why weird ninja guys keep following me around.

I’m glad you’re here, Summer’s Eve, to remind me to treat my cooch with the respect it deserves–which means making it smell like the potpourri aisle in Target.  Thanks for bringing your message to my 13 year old niece.  She better get busy squirting synthetic chemicals often containing hormone disrupting phthalates up there.

Maybe we should invest in a power washer?

Hey, have you got any products in your line that make a penis smell like a fruit salad?

Suck it, Summer’s Eve

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About Bernadette Birney

Bernadette Birney is a dyed-in-the-wool, freedom-loving tantrika. When she’s not busy conquering the world, taking hostages, feverishly freelancing, working on her book, and posting on-line essays, you can find her practicing the art of life-on-purpose, and teaching in Connecticut. / Bernadette has had the good fortune of studying with the great ones: she’s a certified Anusara yoga instructor, and has long pestered her Rajanaka Yoga mentor, Douglas Brooks. Known for her poetic and precise articulation, she insists that you can maintain a hard-core yoga practice and a sense of humor, too. Her classes, immersions and trainings are steeped in a life affirming philosophy that will invite you into the exploration of your own potential. / Bernadette was one of the earliest Certified Anusara yoga instructors in CT, and continues to mentor the local teaching community, leading trainings and retreats. She has contributed to Yoga Journal, Fit Yoga, Elephant Journal and Srividyalaya Amrta. She is also a Lululemon ambassador, and the author of the quirky, award-winning blog berniebirney.com .


10 Responses to “Suck it, Summer’s Eve.”

  1. ARCreated says:

    you could very well be my new best friend 🙂

  2. birthenergy says:

    Thank you for this post.
    It is APPALLING the way women are guided to think that their vaginas are somehow dirty. Even more appalling is that people are so uncomfortable that they don't even KNOW the vagina is self-cleaning and very sensitive to changes in the natural balance of bacteria.
    Maybe one day women will be proud to be in possession of a vagina. They'll know how it works and be able to correctly label the anatomy on a diagram. Until that day, let the crusade to educate women rage on.

  3. Just as appalling at the notion that men's penis' should be rock hard on demand until they are are 80 something…

  4. Katrina Knudsen says:

    BUT… I do like the "power" message. And "show it a little love." And "hail to the V." And just the fact that the vagina made it to prime time big screen as its very own rad subject in the first place. Opens doors for conversations that may not otherwise have taken place. Like this one. And the one you likely had with your niece. Hail to the V!

  5. candicegarrett says:

    I think I love you.

  6. fivefootwo says:

    Nice. Thanks for posting this. Makes me wonder why a favorite guy to guy insult is douchebag. Sort of like a first grade boy going into fight club mode for being called a girl, but the same age girl somehow knowing that being called a boy is not remotely as offensive. It starts so early…..

  7. jane jackson says:

    So far, every post I have seen commenting on this ridiculous product has been accompanied by an ad placement for the product.

  8. Alice2112 says:

    Douching is about as natural as drinking cow's milk. Humans are fucked.

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