3.5
August 22, 2011

How to (re)start a meditation practice.

Ever wonder how to begin a meditation practice? Or maybe rekindle a forgotten one?

Since I have an 8-year history of doing both, I consider myself an expert on this matter.  I’d like to offer you these really simple steps towards building your own practice.

Me, meditating like a motherf*cker.

1. Go to a new acupuncturist who asks you if you meditate.
2. Say yes.
3. Feel guilty that you either don’t or haven’t for at least three months.
4. Forget that conversation.
5. Remember it about a week later.
6. Check Twitter.
7. Check Facebook.
8. F*ck it, check Google+.
9. Look at your iPhone and decide to set your timer.  Seven minutes is good ’cause it’s probably longer than you can hold your breath underwater.
10. Close your eyes.  (Some say you should keep your eyes slightly open but I find that too distracting.)
11. Think of something you can repeat over and over so you don’t freak out.  I like to think of the words clear or God, but Justin Bieber will work too.
12. Marvel at your fortitude and decide you should write an article about this.
13. Remember how nice it feels to meditate.  And then wonder if you should get your hair cut.
14. Get excited when your timer goes off. You did it!
15. Repeat.

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