Emergency! 10 Things to do when someone spills coffee on your laptop.

Via Waylon Lewis
on Nov 17, 2011
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1. Instead of panicking, go into a dead quiet, peaceful, almost zen-like slow mo John Woo-directed action movie scene only you’re just a workaholic geeknerd entrepreneur in a cafe. Calmly flip your laptop upside down, leap to the coffee bar, grab napkins, and dab your upside-down laptop until there’s no moisture left. Just like Tom Cruise.


2. Turn off laptop.

3. Notice that the gent who just spilled coffee all over your laptop has left. He probably expects you to be a litigious American douche-bag, and so acts like a fearful, dishonorable douche-bag. You understand.

4. Bike to the Apple Store. Wait 15 minutes for the first available Genius appointment (they assure you you’re fucked, there’s nothing you can do, therefore no rush). Finally meet with someone. He says you’re fucked. $755 bucks. Applecare won’t cover it, of course. Your hard drive may or may not be intact. You’ll have to send it in to Apple, it’ll take three days. Yes, they know it’s your entire life and business and mortgage and yadayadayadayada. They’ve heard it all before. They act like medics in a time of war: calm, jaded, friendly without being helpful.

5. Go climbing since you’re fucked and broke and can’t work. Someone at the climbing gym says “oh, just keep it upside down, put a fan on it, I spilled a chai with milk and sugar and it was still fine. Just leave it upside down and off for 24 hours with the fan on it.”

6. Leave it upside down and off for 24 horus with a fan on it.

7. Try and turn it on. Nothing happens.

8. Go for a long hike with your silly dog.

9. Write a blog about it on your old, half-broken laptop (only half the screen shows up, you went half-blind working on it a year ago) that doesn’t have your current work on it.

10. Think about how you’re broke and fucked and can’t work and question your “career” path (readers expect to read for free, advertisers generally don’t advertise or ask for discounts or want trade).

EC: go to dinner with friends, go to free symphony at your local university, and go to bed.

EEC: ask anyone reading this who might be inspired to help to instead go here and help or at least share up.


About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now elephantjournal.com & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. elephantjournal.com | His first book, Things I would like to do with You, is now available.


9 Responses to “Emergency! 10 Things to do when someone spills coffee on your laptop.”

  1. littlewing108 says:

    marinated a pc in beer for a night a while back and it was fine…. keep hope

  2. "Jolly good luck, sweetheart!" Hope the dinner/music & sleep helped. You must be due at least a month or so smooth sailing…so here's to a peaceful, problem-free, abundant December! Never, never, never, never, never give up!

  3. elephantjournal says:

    S**t Happens. Waylon shares suggestions on what to do instead on panicking. Can anyone help? ~link/intro Maureen Tary
    TeZa Lord Mantra repetition works for me
    2 hours ago · LikeUnlike
    Suzanne Eskamani Shall I do tonglen for you or your laptop?
    about an hour ago · LikeUnlike · 1Loading…
    Jeff Harder Beat them to within an inch of their life works pretty good 😉
    about an hour ago · LikeUnlike
    Teri Nilson Baird Cat did it to me with water. I back up now…and that is overdue. There is a pretty good place in Centennial for data recovery but it is expensive. I have heard putting the hard drive in the freezer works.

  4. irina says:

    Top 1 thing to do when you've got nothing (worthwhile) to write about?
    – Spill coffee on your laptop.

  5. Linda says:

    So sorry to hear your woeful tale. Please stop taking the laptop on which your life depends to cafes. Once it is replaced or the gods willing, fixed, solicit donations for an I-Pad (smaller, less likely to run afoul of the irresponsible and clumsy). Better yet, use an old-fashioned paper notebook and pen when writing in public, stands up to punishment very well.

  6. elephantjournal says:

    Ahaha…I've actually worked out of cafes for about 50% of my hours over the last 9 years. I'm very careful about it…actually rather uptight about where drinks are (drinks are at home, or offices, too!) since seeing my designer lose her laptop a few years back to a chai or something. An iPad isn't so easy to type on…would be hard to run a business off of. In any case, thanks for the suggestions, I appreciate it!

  7. stopracism says:

    He probably expects you to be a litigious American douche-bag…

    I guess racism is live and proud within Mr. Lewis.

  8. guest says:

    sorry, 1 turn off 2.turn upside down 3.unplug and take out battery (seriously. take it out. I don't care how) 4. after it's not dripping any more, keep on towel for a couple of days. I spilled so much sh*t on my laptops (tea, wine, cereals) and none ever "broke" because of it. give it a week. don't despair. (my sister dropped her cellphone into the toilet. after a week unplugged, open and without battery, it worked fine)

  9. […] As entrepreneurs we do impossible things, we dream big dreams, we know the toil and tears of hard work, the pain in the eyes that comes from working hours on hours, the ache in the back. The feeling of at once needing a shower from personal neglect but also not needing one, because today the keyboard is your only companion. […]