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February 24, 2012

Catching Thoughts: Piss Puddle.

I like my ego.

Something that I struggle with on a regular basis is my negative reactive state in relation to my all encompassing unflappable stability that is usually marked with the word “egoless.” In the Eckhart Tolle subscription to life, ego is not you want. Reactions to anything are bad. Bad thoughts about yourself or others are bad. Inspiration is bad. Anything concerned with the self is something to be exfoliated off. I seem to have subscribed to some of this even though I do believe that the ego isn’t inherently bad, but that sometimes we just need to keep it in check.

I like my ego.

It provides me with healthy boundaries, satisfaction, the ability to introduce myself to other people and take care of the things that I take care of on a regular basis (like eating, sleeping, watering my plants). What I’ve discovered about this relationship between my negative reactive ego and the need to be stable in an egoless way, is a disassociation with actual life. I’ve begun living liminally, (somewhere in between ego and stability) that makes for a hybrid feeling situation which can be un-satisfactory because I’m not giving myself the freedom to express what is coming up.

Maybe the problem is I never really learned to shed my ego. But dammit, I like being moved by art or a piece of music! If you’re like me, maybe there’s another way to approach life and here’s my solution to changing a negative egoic reaction into something positive where you don’t lose feeling, but morph the “crap” into something good for you and others (if your ears are sensitive, I do drop the ‘f’ bomb in it):

Thank you.

~

Editor: Kate Bartolotta.

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