March 19, 2012

A Self-Delivered Kick Up The Ar$e.

(Photo: stock.xchng)

I am about to give myself a good kick up the ar$e but you get to listen in if you want. This is one of those days when, after yet another night of little sleep and a lot of worry, I need to make a real effort to pick myself up and try again.

I’m a pretty positive person these days. I can usually see the best in a situation and for the most part I do. I know that things will work out for the best, even this time. I know it in my heart and soul.

But sometimes, even when you’re sure that you’re doing the right thing there can be moments—or days—of doubt and insecurity. Even when the Universe is guiding you along and seems to be actively assisting. Sometimes you get tired and sad and the easiest thing to do is curl up in bed and hope that if you wait long enough it will all go away.

Here’s the situation: Nothing earth shattering, no sick child, no divorce just a regular old human drama that seems teeny tiny to you and, just for today, overwhelming to me.

I’m trying to open a yoga studio in a small town in Ontario. For our family this is hugely exciting and just about the right amount of scary.

We have so much going for us. We have a little bit start up capital, there are props on order, we have a printer, a computer and software, we have bank accounts, the furniture is planned and, most importantly, we know our purpose and intention. We also have teachers ready to go and we have the support of friends and students.

We are all good to go except for one thing. Did you notice what was missing?

Location, location, location!

Did I mention that it’s a small town? Our teeny tiny drama is trying to secure a location so that we can put down a mat and practice.

As I said, I do trust that things will work out for the best. I have absolute faith in that. There are too many things going right, too many people invested in our success for it to end any other way. I may not be able to see how it will work out right now but I do trust that it will.

Does this stop me from having days of tiredness or overwhelming? Clearly not. So how can my practice help me today?

First, to observe myself. Rather than being consumed by these feelings, I can see that they are just emotions, mental formations that will pass by. I don’t have to believe them, I don’t even have to push them away. I can just observe them as they move through.

Secondly, to give myself a break. What I’m feeling is natural after a period of stress, limited sleep and a series of doors closed in my face. I don’t need to feel bad about myself because I’m not feeling so sunny today. It doesn’t mean I’ve given up, it doesn’t mean that I doubt my purpose, it just means that I’m human.

There you go, all that way around to remember that I’m human. To be honest, I didn’t doubt that either. Human, emotional, fallible but also able to get up tomorrow and continue the search.

This video posted by Waylon seems particularly relevant today.

Keep Calm and Carry On!


(Most recent update: All is well, as I knew it would be. Well, most of the time I did. Our location has been sorted out after a couple of tough weeks. Thanks to all the friends who’ve kept faith with us. This drama is over and a new one begins. Renovations and launches, what a blessing! More to practice with…)



Editor: Andrea B.


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