Thou shalt obey all 10:
1. Thou shalt lock thy knee.
2. Thou shalt stay in the room. The class is 90 minutes. Even if thou dost sit out many postures, thou shalt not leave the torture chamber.
3. Thou shalt not sport underwear as solo yoga gear. Nobody wants to see your whatnot hangin’ out. Bras and boxer briefs do not reasonable public yoga clothes make.
4. Thou shalt arrive to class hydrated. That may mean that thou dost desperately pound 64 ounces of water in under ten minutes a hour before class, but thou oughta know such behavior is better than nothing.
5. Thou shalt not be scared when thy “back hurts like hell.” Thou may find this ridiculous and counterintuitive. Thou art correct. Nevertheless, faithful servant, go with it.
6. Thou shalt sweat rivers and delight in thine own perspiration.
7. Thou shalt move with the group.
8. Thou shalt keep thy mouth shut during class and breathe through thy nose or thou shalt be called out and shamed for mouth-breathing.
9. Thou shalt come back tomorrow. In Bikram yoga, consecutive classes is a thing, just so thou knowest.
10. Thou shalt lock thy knee. I, the Lord your Guru, wasn’t kidding about that. Lock your effing knee already.
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Editor: Kate Bartolotta.