Do You Have the Courage to Really Love?

Via Tracy Crossley
on Apr 24, 2012
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Photo: DirkVE

Got five minutes?

Let’s talk about the courage to love.

First, listen to your heart, not your head. It will tell you the truth about yourself, your life and others.

Courage (strength of heart) is a quality that tops my list of importance in life.

I do what I am scared sh**less of and don’t deny the fear.

You have courage.

What is not courage?

Your excuses or stories that keep you in inertia (a false peace or contentment—it’s numbness), denial of your heart; the emotional compartments meant to sell yourself and others your story.

Pain is a story. It keeps us victims in our own lives. It keeps us repeating patterns of pain without our seeming awareness.

We remain in a story even when we take all the responsibility. It is the same thing.

You lose when you don’t have courage and let go of someone or something meaningful in your life.

Living this way will never bring you happiness.

Courageous actions are real, not manipulative or punishing. The key is to recognize courage in yourself to bring it in your relationship.

Can you settle for cowardice in a mate? Courage is the quality of truth directly related to allowing and sustaining love in a partnership.

It is the real indicator that someone is really really in your corner.

Maybe you had courage at one point, but too many experiences hurt, disappointed or left you abandoned.

You closed up shop and called it a day.

Many people stay stuck in this place. It seems like they have it all together—maybe you’re the crazy one?

At some point in their lives, too many things happened to hurt them. They recovered by building numbing walls, and telling themselves they are self-aware and smarter than the rest. They got the system beat!

Some will stay locked in their prison, telling others what is wrong with them.

They may come off as open and easy, until you get too close or the prospect of their getting hurt or overwhelmed by opening their heart is too much for them to handle.

Once in a while their facade cracks and truth slips from their heart, oops that feels good…. oops, I remember feeling like this before, now it’s time to panic!

They backtrack, distance and can make another person feel kookoo!

They come off coldly intellectual.

They act weird.

What they said yesterday, no longer holds water.

The love they professed when their heart broke through for an instant, now replaced by a cold demeanor.

It is crazy making…and hard to let go of, because your heart knows.

Photo: Wikimedia

The heart loves, but there’s a damn wall!

Don’t stop loving and build more walls; keep love alive.

Don’t beat it down.

Turn the love to yourself; be kind.

Don’t continue investing in pain. Love them, don’t purposely stop, and allow it to change or shift…don’t create a battle zone inside.

Courage doesn’t mean you have to cut people loose, walk away or be a jerk.

Instead, allow the relationship to dissipate on its own.


Take your focus off the person and put it on yourself.

Over and over if you must.

You’ll feel more peace and less suffering. It takes a bit of reminding yourself, but the more you do it and stop blaming others for what they do or don’t do—the more you’ll experience well-being.

Try not to take heed of words, from well-meaning people saying to move on, find someone else, tell someone off or be strong. It’s like going into major surgery and amputating your leg. It’s cutting off a part of you when you act to appear strong to others, but it’s really another battle with the heart and mind.

The evolution of the heart expands and you bring in other like-hearted people.

I guarantee somewhere, somehow someone will come into your life and match you there. You’ll never be alone when you embrace love.

I know how difficult the transition is from believing my heart would screw me or lie.

I thought I was strong!

I avoided anything, from a terse email to running from a committed relationship, even with myself; it all caused me to crumble into a pile of rubble.

At the time I told myself I was so self aware on my spiritual path! Oh ho, ho, ho! I was such a joker!

I remember the day my heart opened up with a universal baseball bat!

You see, I had been wishing for true happiness, peace and love.

If you wish and pray long enough, it happens.

The universe ain’t big on stagnation, so when you wish, make sure you are actively moving in that direction or be ready for the pain.

Be prepared to let go of familiar walls, your fortress of a perfect facade and feel courage and love.

Even days I couldn’t get out of bed or writhed in pain on my floor, I knew if I went through it, the impossible would become possible in my life.

The numbness of walls separates, clinging to weakness of an untrue story of love.

It means being alone; indulging in activities meant to self-medicate, including “supposed healthy” pursuits. Anytime you feel cut off, there’s a wall involved.

Have the courage to sit with your feelings, see below the numbness and you’ll find pain. Maybe, you have had it so long, you figure it’s your natural state of being.

Photo: thriol

It’s not.

Once you stop the battle within, life gets easier. You find the “wonder, hopes and dreams” you lost touch with years ago. Now your heart leads to possibility.

Be courageous, through love comes resilience; you will be stronger to withstand most anything; you will be surprised. 

Walls ain’t got nothing on wholeness!

If you want to know your greatest love, your greatest happiness and feel whole, resilient and able to touch the stars with your dreams…take the first step toward courage…then you will have it all.

Relephant bonus:


Editor: Brianna Bemel


About Tracy Crossley

Tracy Crossley is a hyphenate: female, writer, curiosity quencher, artist, poet, gardener of real gardens and existential ones, clairvoyant, and momma to grown ups. She owns Intuitive Reinvention Inc. She is currently speaking, writing and mentoring people on getting out of their heads and dysfunctional relationships and into living an authentic, anxiety-free, happy and loving existence. If you want to learn more about her and how she can help you, check out a complimentary discovery session with her click to learn and schedule., Or find her on social media, facebook page, blog and on twitter, she always follows back. She also has a free weekly podcast show on many topics she writes about here click here to listen.


32 Responses to “Do You Have the Courage to Really Love?”

  1. jamesvincentknowles says:

    Like wow, man. Woman. Like, wow. You nailed it. namaste

  2. MamasteNJ says:

    I know the exact date, time and place when my heart busted open, and it was an epiphany. The courage that flowed in was breath-taking. This made me stronger than I have ever been. Ready for the next challenge.
    Thank you for this article, it's a keeper.

  3. Andréa Balt says:

    My truth detector has been beeping during the entire read.Thanks for the oasis. Now how do you turn it into a forest? 🙂

  4. ValCarruthers says:

    You rocked it, Tracy.

    Just posted to "Featured Today" on the Elephant Spirituality Homepage.

    Valerie Carruthers
    Please go and "Like" Elephant Spirituality on Facebook

  5. tomgrasso says:

    Amazingly wise and incredibly timely. I was having this discussion with myself just this morning…


  6. Eric says:

    there's only one way through it, and that's through it…but sometimes cutting people loose is the kindest cut.

  7. Tracy says:

    Thank you James! Really thank you. I love the connection in sharing my experiences and perceptions including others. Its the sharing which makes this such an awe-inspiring experience! Be well!

  8. JENNIFER says:


  9. Tracy says:

    Hi Mamaste!

    Thank you for sharing your experience. I seemed to be a bit stubborn and it took the Universal baseball bat several times to burst my heart open (among other things)….and now there is no other way to live. I love that you live in a courageous space…its almost like being a kid again, isn't it? : )

  10. Tracy says:

    Good afternoon Andréa,

    You are welcome! I love when the truth detector goes off as you read something (sometimes mine hits me later on) and it makes you dig a bit deeper. I was running the other day and said out loud (thankfully no one else is around as I run, as I've been known to cry, shout and laugh out loud as I run the hills) "The key to my heart, *huff, puff, huff, puff* is what unlocked my prison"….I always have the key, sometimes I just forget where I put it. The forest happens as we participate and step into the discomfort of our limitations… least it appears to be by experience. ~Namaste

  11. Tracy says:

    LOVE IT!!!! Thank you so much Val!! Ain't nothin' like sharing and having others dig it too! Gracias!

  12. Tracy says:


    I love those conversations best (I find sometimes I have a repeat of those conversations too)! Thank you …seems the Universe weaves its synchronicity in all the time. And we are always challenged to move beyond what keeps it tucked away, rather than living it full out… Namaste

  13. muks says:

    Hey, You must know me! 😉

    I am working on exactly those things. Just yesterday I talked about trusting that love is there and let go of the loved ones. I do not want to need control or conditions. Just love.

  14. […] ask myself this question as I look at what I’ve written and shared thus far on my blog and on elephant journal. I am beginning to realize the journey in sharing experiences has really only begun […]

  15. […] I stopped putting myself out there. I was fully unavailable. After my self imposed single state, I maintained a wall to separate myself from every man. I finally let that wall come down and it took time and trust in myself to realize that being […]

  16. Tracy says:

    Hey Eric!

    Yeah it is always through it, not the easy way, but the result is simplicity. I get what you are saying about cutting people loose, I used to subscribe to that theory…but, I found that I would do it prematurely, without having processed how I felt and carrying the lesson forward to be learned with another…I know every situation is different. : )

  17. Tracy says:

    Thank you Jennifer!! ~Namaste

  18. Tracy says:

    Hey Muks,

    I love hearing that, makes me believe we all share a commonality with love. I find the only one I can control is me in terms of my choices, its never worked out to well when I tried to control others in the past….Sounds like you are in that place too, it is all about love. : )

  19. ValCarruthers says:

    Just posted to "Popular Lately" on the Elephant Spirituality Homepage.

    Valerie Carruthers
    Please go and "Like" Elephant Spirituality on Facebook

  20. Tracy says:

    Thanks Val!! That's great news! : )

  21. […] insecurity. We are ok with being alone with ourselves, and then our deepest hungers get nourished. From here, relationship becomes a choice, rather than a compulsion, and true unconditional love can …—because we don’t need the person to be anything other than who they are. And however the […]

  22. This is truly beautiful, Tracy. I really resonate with this path! I especially related to this very wise observation of yours: "The evolution of the heart expands and you bring in other like-hearted people." I have had this experience upon my own heart's journey as well. The more courage we have to let go, the more we will clear up space in our lives to draw near to us those who are "like-hearted". And the evolution of the heart got on! Lovely! Thank you for this wonderful contribution. It really spoke to me today.

  23. Tracy says:

    Hi Catherine~ I am very happy to hear that you connected with this post. And that you are on your journey of the heart, you are right it is about the courage to let go and let things be as they are, including people….and that it will all be okay (a my Mom always said), it may just look different than I pictured it to be. Be well~ Tracy

  24. […] bask in the warmth of love is to know you are alive. She is in your heart, your soul. She flows through your veins and drives […]

  25. […] you marry, live together or run off and join the circus, true love stays with you, because it just […]

  26. […] let fear stop you from doing all that you want, following your beliefs and becoming all that you […]

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  29. WendyC says:

    After two failed marriages, I made a pact with myself to find the answers to all the questions I had about life and love. This led me on a spiritual journey which continues still in my life today. I started looking within working on me, slowly and gently healing and somehow through all the tears and pain, the most amazing man crossed my path. It has taken courage to believe in love again. So much has been triggered in me, making me face alot of my own demons. I wouldn't change a thing, I love deeply, honestly wish at times I didn't.