The only reason I don’t wear vintage swim trunks every day of every summer—

Me, before my birthday party.

—so short so they’re super comfortable, liner included so no need for underwear, all I need all hot Colorado summer long—

…is ’cause it’s all people

(especially women—guys, if you want to know what’s it’s like to feel objectified, here’s your ticket to feminism 101)

want to talk about every day, every time I wear ’em.

Me, I’d rather get through a day without talking about my shorts. I just want to wear them, ’cause it’s hot, and they’re cool.

So I’d like to kindly request that you shut the fuck up.

So I’m dredging up these photos, below, to remind folks that until Michael Jordan’s generation made long shorts cool, shorty shorts were everyday American Man.

And they’re bbback: there was just an article in the NY Times about how James Bond was inspiring the gay community, and fashionistas, to embrace the shorty short. Thing is, they did at least a few years back. So did hipsters—I’ve got a great pair of shorty shorts, with swim liner, from American Apparel, and have for a few years.

And if the stylish gays and the stylish hipsters are into ’em, that means Target nation is only a couple years away. So get on the shorty short bandwagon now, and impress your friends.

And make ’em normal and everyday again, so our friends will shut up about it, already.

Used to be, not just runners wore the shorty short. Used to be, it was manly.

For more blather about manhood, click here.