************, it’s My Birthday. {NSFW}

Via on Jul 15, 2012

Fuck you, it’s my Birthday, was the actual title.

But we don’t like to swear in titles for no good reason. This is a child-friendly site. Though I never get why we don’t swear around children, since the only child I know who swears all the time was Huck Finn, and he was the best ever, and all the other children—every single fucking one of them—grow up and learn to swear. So what’s the point.

Anyways, if you like to get offended, skip the silly captions below and go to the top 10 list, there’s some worthwhile bullshit in there.

For everyone else…come here and give me a bear hug. Cheers. Here’s to another fucking brutal amazing year.

May it be of benefit! ~ Waylon.

Old Man Lewis, when Young. Weird little teeth.

Photo from last night’s party.

Showing my sharp frank sweet ever-curious Grandma Carol my work/play: elephantjournal.com. Photo by my sweet Aunty Liz.

Love of my (next) life.

Wassup bitch, it’s my birthday.

Walk the Talk Show‘s moving to New York. So fuck you.

I didn’t mean to upload this photo (by Lindsay our ex-intern) of my dining room, where Team Elephant works at my big dining table with the leaf that slides n’pops up. It’s cool. So is the disco ball in the morning, the Great Eastern Sun shines in and Bee Gee dralas party on my ceiling.

Bearded old man Lewis at wonderful new Shine.

Douchebags are everywhere, in this life. Daniel Epstein is not one of them. The Unreasonable Institute has been one of the few highlights in a wow, yet richly disappointing year.

I liked my beard. No one else did.

Showin’ off my slacklinin’ skillz at Wanderslut.

A true fiend.

Republicans cut school funding and closed small, neighborhood schools all over this country 10 years back. Education and community and biking/walking to school rules. There are so many reasons the next generation is leaving behind the once-Grand Ol’Party it’s not funny.

I’ve gone four years without a car. Fuck you, spending money on gasoline from tar pits or the Middle East.

I don’t cook, but Graham sure does. Ladies, he’s taken (by lovely Lauren, they just got back from New Zealand and shit). So fuck you.

He gave me his jacket. So fuck you, too.

When dirty hippies take baths they turn the water dirt-colored.

When dirty hipsters take baths they take iPhone instagram photos of themselves and auto-post that shit to their FB Walls. Fucking Hipsters…can’t ever just relax and do one thing and one thing only.

A friend of mine photoshopped this to put the Bat Signal in the distance. Batman can’t fly, though, so it’d be like 45 minutes in traffic before he could get across the bridge and save anything.

I have been on so many panels at so many conferences this year and it’s always an honor…

…and at the same time most of them are all talking heads not listening to one another it’s all ego and hype and empty and, the least you can ask is that they recycle your fucking name when they’re done.

Kids, most of this world you’re growing up into is desperate, callous, uncaring…and so are you. Today I saw a college kid drive up in an SUV, drop his styrofoam smoothie cup on the road, and drive off.

If you’re born with a heart, cherish it, keep it open, but stand up tall and straight and strong.

First time in SF. The Hub. I thought for awhile, but nothing happened.

Good thing thinking is overrated.

I don’t know either of these women, I just asked them to pretend I was cool while another someone I didn’t know took a photo of me.

But seriously: 1.5 years ago I had the worst relationship of my life and haven’t got over the subsequent 8 months of ————————————————————— ———————————— —————————————— ————————— —————————————————— ————————— ——— —————————CrayCray. I might’uv beyond-first-dated five Ladies in 1.5 years, and only really dated one girl, and she for only a month before she dumped me for being a boring selfish workaholic, I guess. We’re still friends, she came to my party last night.

The problem: I can’t trust anymore, I’m shellshocked, freaked out by craycray—so all I do is work and hang with my dog and climb and work more.

One of my goals in life, now, is to not only be an awesome dad but, as my pa failed to do, to tell my future hypothetical children that—while all sentient beings are fundamentally good—some prioritize their happiness at the expense of anything else, and truth is secondary to them. Crazy happens (many of my good guy friends have had one or two goes around the Crazy merrigoround). You can’t fight it, you can only retreat, retreat, retreat, stress, get depressed, close down and shy away. And that doesn’t work, either.

Hey, by the way, for anyone who hasn’t experienced crazy, save your comforting quote about adversity. You can’t handle every difficult situation in life by throwing Rumi quotes at a Facebook Wall and hoping one sticks.

Top 10 Things I want for my Birthday, other than a Pool Table.

remember names 1. To remember your name. Seriously. It’s a national epidemic. For generations we all knew 50 people, never traveled 50 miles outside of our town, on average. Now we all know thousands, and we’re walking around with filled-up brains.

 

egotist2. To stop being an @#$%^&*ole. Most people, I get on with brilliantly. Some people can’t stand me. I feel awful about that, and would love to stop irritating others. As they say in Buddhism:

“If you want to be happy, think first of others. If you want to be unhappy, think first of yourself.”

Perhaps it’s because I’m a bit alpha, or I’m an only child raised by a poor, but still doting, wonderful mother—in any case, I’ve turned out to be a voracious, driven, self-motivated creative force. That all sounds nice, unless you’re trying to date me.

green parking lot medians

3. For everyone to turn odd nooks and crannies and corners of our parking lots and medians into xeriscaped landscapes and mini-gardens. We could cut global warming significantly if we all used white roofing and changed even 10 percent of our too-hot parking lots and manmade fake nature-lite landscapes into God’s green earth, once more.

buddhist books

4. To read one page of this each day.

shambhala buddhist shrine home

5. For you to meditate for even two or three minutes each morning, right after you wake up, stretch out, brush your teeth like a good boy or girl and before you make coffee and check your phone/email/get stressed/make plans.

boulder green house

6. To live with my mom and grandma and aunty and see my dad more often (he’s close by). They’re both getting old (as am I!), and I miss them being a part of my lives! I’ve never been much of a correspondent.

no nukes nuclear war

7. For Nuclear War to be made illegal. The subtle, yet substantial change in our world-view that would result? We’d all start thinking about future generations, instead of (rationally) assuming that some random terrorist will get his hands on a bomb at some point and start a domino war.

boulder theater elephantjournal.com walk the talk show waylon lewis "walk the talk show" green "waylon lewis" boulder

8. To complete my idea for the “Ecosystem” on elephant, which will 1) save and reinvent paid, quality, original journalism in a new media context, 2) grow elephant at 200% a month instead of 20%, and 3) enable me to take a break, get a life, fall in love, jump full-time into my talk show, get rich and run for Guv’ner. I know it’s not much of a follow-up after “No Nukes,” but Buddhism, in which I was trained growing up, is all about connecting heaven (vision, big ideas) and earth (practicality). If I can’t grow elephant, I can’t bring together those working and playing to create enlightened society and share their good words beyond our choir and to all those who didn’t know they gave a care (deep inbreath—that’s one version of our mission). And I can’t be of benefit to others, become a public servant, get married, have curly-headed trouble-makin’ children, or…

road bike lance craigslist

9. Get on my road bike more often. Isn’t it funny when we get our wishes—in this case, to own a road bike—then ignore what we love? I’m able to ride up into the mountains, zoom around. Since I finally unpluggged from my car four years back, it’s been great. Still, I’m not taking advantage of my wheels nearly enough—riding downtown to work on my laptop in a cafe counts for something, but not a lot.

trungpa benefit "bodhisattva vow" 10. Be of benefit. It’s the only thing that motivates me to get up in the morning (other than coffee): whether it’s through my Walk the Talk Show (going on tour soon), or politics, or elephantjournal.com itself, or my upcomin’ Dharma Brat book, or my upcomin’ Eco Boy vs. Yoga Girl…I’d like to have a go at helping the world help itself, and have some fun doing so along the way. I’ve been given a lot via my root guru, Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, my mom, Linda Lewis, and my sangha, or community. I’m 38, now, and it’s high time to give back.

waylon lewis

About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now elephantjournal.com & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. elephantjournal.com | facebook.com/elephantjournal | twitter.com/elephantjournal | facebook.com/waylonhlewis | twitter.com/waylonlewis | Google+ For more: publisherelephantjournalcom

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30 Responses to “************, it’s My Birthday. {NSFW}”

  1. Jeet Jeet says:

    Lovely list at the end of the article, Way! You inspired me to read "Training the Mind and Cultivating Loving-Kindness" as well! Thank you, and may all your wishes come true between now and the next time you make another list! :-)

  2. slsimms says:

    Effing hilarious…I guess I have a lot to learn to get to this point in my life.

    P.S. Hope your birthday wishes come true.

  3. Myriah says:

    Happy *&!ˆ&@!# Birthday Waylon!

  4. Love it, Waylon. Happy Birthday and may your wishes all come true!

  5. Robert Wolf says:

    I only clicked on this because of the NSFW tag, but it wound up being one of the best things I've read on elephant ~ penetrating, insightful, and passionate.

    I particularly resonate with the paragraph about the ending of a relationship and the decimation of your capacity to trust. I've been there, in some ways I still am there, and I share your views on the importance of a little bit of crazy (and Rumi quotes).

    I also very much like your mission to reinvent quality journalism for the web. I think you've got a way to go, because the very people who are willing to write for free are, almost by definition, not quality journalists. As a professional myself, I wrestled with this and gave up writing for elephant because there's too much shallow, poorly-conceived twaddle vying for space with the good stuff.

    I wish you well with it, though. I'll keep checking in now and again. Happy birthday!

  6. Matthew says:

    Excellent stuff, birthday man. Thanks for this. It resonates for me in many ways. Happiest of birthdays to you. May this be not a terribly dissapointing year for you.

  7. Isabel says:

    Feliz cumpleaños, Waylon!
    Me encantó tu lista. Que se cumplan todos tus deseos y espero que pronto apendas español para poder leer este comentario.
    Un fuerte abrazo!

  8. [...] told they are really into Instagram, mustaches and skinny jeans. But then again, so are most of my thirtysomething [...]

  9. Sara says:

    this is so awesome!

  10. prob one of my fav posts Waylon. I admire your honesty. P.S. I liked your beard! I am a beard girl! lol! Happy Birthday! Here's to the start of another great(ish) year!

  11. KKV says:

    A warm, heartfelt and deeply appreciative 'fuck you' to Waylon Lewis. You're truly 1 in 7 Billion, and I love you buddy. Happy Birthday.

  12. Emily Perry Emily Perry says:

    Happy Birthday from us yogis in California. We'll do our bit to get you there! Big love!

  13. Andy says:

    Road bikes hurt the grundle

  14. Annie Tucker says:

    Happy Fucking Birthday, Mr. Lewis. By far, the best fucking piece you've done. Thanks for laying it out straight.
    I hope you know how important/wondrous/thought provoking/compelling your project/Elephant Journal is to the many people who check in with the great writing via Facebook. Most of us do not know the effort, the passion it must take for you to carry your vision through to the end product we casually consume. – Most of us, for free [see embarrassed grad student casting a furtive glance]. Maybe it's time to really give us the back story. I, for one, would love to read it.
    I'm printing this. – and I'm joining. Peace, noble warrior.

    • elephantjournal says:

      Thanks, you! That's the complement version of a criticism I hear a lot: "you all publish too much scandalous or sexy stuff!"

      I always respond, "That's like 1% of what we publish. The fact that that's all you've noticed says much more about you and what you click and read than elephant."

      I've published 800 things far better than this. You just don't read much of me (I don't, either).

    • Hi, Annie. We're actually collecting the backstory on "best of elephant history" on Pinterest. We've done the first 2 1/2 years through Jan. 2010 so far: http://bit.ly/wcWWML (fourth board over in the first row. Check out all the other "best of" boards, too.)

      Bob W. Associate Publisher
      facebook, twitter, linkedIn
      Yoga Demystified, Gita in a Nutshell

  15. [...] Me, before my birthday party. [...]

  16. Robyn says:

    Happy birthday, Waylon! You always nail it. I wish I'd written this: "I’ve turned out to be a voracious, driven, self-motivated creative force. That all sounds nice, unless you’re trying to date me." May all your dreams come true, and may you accept them once they do.

  17. sarah says:

    I loooooooove you bunches!!

  18. Catalina says:

    After reading the article, three words came to my mind … hot, brave and human! Happy B-day Waylon!

  19. schnurrbartlos says:

    Happy Belated, Waylon.

    -Em A

  20. Way behind the times, from scotland–I liked the beard. was it red or was that a camera thing. hugs (your ele love team leader, yeah, me)

  21. [...] week’s Bright Antenna yoga class fell on my dad’s birthday, and as a tribute to his 66 years on the planet, I give you a collection of songs he loves, songs [...]

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  23. Lisa S from England says:

    Hey have a very cheerful birthday mister..and from one of your readers thanks for creating Elephant! :) .is a fab site and us readers luv it :)

  24. Michael Mark michael says:

    happy continuation day – hope you don't get what you really want
    love
    michael

  25. Erica Leibrandt Erica says:

    Love this Way, and you!! Elephant has changed my life, so you've been of clear and uncontested benefit to at least one middle aged midwestern girl.

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