Sexual Attraction: The Big Bang. ~ Dawn Cartwright

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It isn’t a bang, it’s a hum.

I went to a dinner party this summer, given by a gourmand friend with a knack for putting together shindigs that take off like a house on fire. The place was full of crazy-fun people, epic food, great music and an overall feeling of friendly inclusion.

It was a great night.

Then he walked through the door.

As is customary in this particular enclave, he greeted me with a much–longer–than–a–collision, slightly–shorter–than–a–slow–dance, bear hug.

And I felt it.

The hum.

Let’s get this straight; the hum isn’t your garden-variety sexual attraction where your loins seize up in a mating cramp upon encountering a favorable genetic match. No, the hum isn’t about propagating the species, at least not that way. The hum is also not about looks, which, let’s be honest, is refreshing to say the least. The hum is something you feel before it even comes around the corner.

It’s the feeling that, if you had antennae, the hum would be all and everything those antennae would ever be about. You feel the hum in your whole body, not just below the belt. It’s a feeling that feels more like you’re picking up signals from other galaxies (don’t ask me how I know what that feels like) than almost anything else.

When you feel the hum, you wonder why you ever do anything or spend time with anyone where it isn’t present. You feel the hum and you remember your reason for living. You feel the hum and you’re singing from the mountaintops even in the Bonneville Salt Flats.

According to physicist John Cramer of the University of Washington in Seattle, our whole universe began with a hum. Based on his analysis of radiation left over from the Big Bang, Cramer discovered that the Big Bang didn’t sound like a bang at all—it sounded like a large jet plane flying one hundred feet over your house in the middle of the night.

The Big Bang was actually a deep hum.

And it’s still humming.

Right on down to the quarks and leptons in our very own bodies.

The hum is what connects us all. Gives us that feeling of belonging together. It’s the theme shared by fractals, financial markets and starling murmurations; everything complete unto itself, yet indivisible from the whole, repeating ad infinitum.

It’s that feeling of coming home.

I’ve lost count of how many nights and weekends, how many air miles I’ve spent, filling time and distracting my body, in search of that one feeling that echoes from the genesis of time.

How could I have ever believed that keeping busy and being productive or the excitement of sex and romance could ever compare to the spaciousness, the non-static settledness, the relief, of feeling the feeling I was feeling right now, wrapped up in this man I’d just met?

Suddenly, an already remarkable evening went into full–on sympathetic resonance.

You know that feeling, right?

When the two of you bring out the best in each other, easily, as if by magic?  (Only it isn’t magic, it’s advanced physics linked to the deep hum of the big bang that is still resounding throughout the universe we call home.)

Of course you do.

Well, it was like that.

The hum is like that.

So, I asked myself. What’s the difference between Garden-Variety Sexual Attraction and The Big Bang, a.k.a., The Deep Hum? I came up with a list, which is in no way meant to be comprehensive. Here goes.

Garden-Variety Sexual Attraction vs. the Big Bang:

1. With garden-variety sexual attraction, once the passion’s gone, so is the relationship. With the big bang, sexual passion comes and goes but the hum hums on.

2. Garden-variety sexual attraction leaves you disoriented; you forget where you left your keys, your car, your underwear. Big bang sexual attraction puts you in the zone; you become a magnet for everything good in your life.

3. When you have garden-variety sexual attraction sex, it’s like having dinner at a Chinese restaurant; thirty minutes later you want sex again. When what you feel is the big bang, sex, or no sex, you walk around feeling perpetually satisfied.

4. Garden-variety sexual attraction is the urge to merge. With big bang sexual attraction, merging isn’t an issue, you pick up right where you left off fifteen billion years ago.

5. Garden-variety sexual attraction only happens with potential lovers. The big bang can happen with anyone and anything; friends, lovers, your dog, the guy serving your coffee, music, dusk up in Ojai. And it can happen even when you’re all alone.

6. When you feel garden-variety sexual attraction all you want to do is relieve yourself of the feeling. When you feel the big bang, you stop looking for a climax, in fact the climax becomes decidedly anticlimactic. You make love all night. And all day. And all night. And…you get the picture.

7. With garden-variety sexual attraction there’s a feeling something must happen or you will explode. With the big bang, there’s a recognition that you have now arrived at the place where it is all already happening. You have joined the cosmic love train.

And, just in case you’re in any way worried that big bang sexual attraction is well, unsexy, here’s another description of The Big Bang, this time from Mark Whittle, Professor of Astronomy at the University of Virginia: “[The Big Bang was]. . . a descending scream, building  into a deep rasping roar, and ending in a deafening hiss. As if this were not impressive enough, the entire acoustic show is itself the prelude to a wonderful transformation: the highest pitch sounds ultimately spawn the first generation of stars, while the deep bass notes slowly dissolve to become the tapestry of galaxies which now fills all of space.”

Sound familiar?

Bonus! How to have a fun, sexy, heartfelt, genuine, mutual experience when making love:

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anonymous Apr 27, 2015 6:33pm

Brilliant Dawn! Once you have experienced the “hum” nothing compares. The inner knowing that the “hum” exists, the vibrational energy… thank you for giving it a name that we can all relate to.

There is nothing else like this collective energy and the attraction is undeniable. A rare gift. Love & Light… M

anonymous Aug 6, 2014 7:58pm

I love this. I'm humming. Great explanation about the contrast between garden variety and the Big Bang attraction. I know that energy.

anonymous Jan 17, 2013 6:47am

[…] First, we think, there’s sexual attraction. We are attracted to someone. If we happen to identify with the gender we appear to be, and we find ourselves attracted to those of the opposite gender, all well and good. We still encounter cultural stereotypes and norms with which we may or may not be in conflict, but at least our path is fairly well laid out. […]

anonymous Nov 26, 2012 9:43am

It's all about the energy….

anonymous Nov 25, 2012 10:10am

[…] We can like a person and yet, not feel that deeper quest for connection that wells up from the deepest recesses of our being. Attraction is just not logical. […]

anonymous Oct 18, 2012 8:42am

That's a very descriptive article. I would like to share that experience with a woman. It's been quite some time. Thanks for the reminder. Jim

    Dawn Cartwright Oct 18, 2012 9:01am

    Good Morning Jim,

    From your lips to HER ear! Thanks for feeling the way that you do.

    Love, Dawn

anonymous Oct 18, 2012 4:49am

What has the video got to do with your article/

    Dawn Cartwright Oct 18, 2012 8:02am

    Good Morning Katinka,

    I mentioned starling mumurations in the article. To me, they are a stunning example of connectedness. And the ecstasy I feel watching this video is, for me, THE DEEP HUM. How did you feel, watching it?

    Thanks for reading and commenting!

    Much love, Dawn

anonymous Sep 17, 2012 7:47pm

I am humming, for weeks now!

    Dawn Cartwright Sep 24, 2012 9:27am

    Dear Oh Yes!

    Isn't it beauty? Thank you for reading and posting and humming.

    Love! Dawn

anonymous Sep 17, 2012 1:28pm


This is awesome! In the article you are simply capturing into words, that which many of us feel and know, yet didn't put into words and conscious awareness just yet…after all as Seth says: Subconscious is everything that we pretend we don't see.
I can feel the HUM, and I can hear the HUM, apparently I always did, as adult I worked so very very hard to 'find it', just like you..only to discover that it was in me all along, not only that, I remembered as child feeling the HUM so frequently and hearing it too, only wondering what its it and where does it come from? know full well, that it's pointless to ask the adults…
My question is: Can you see it?
Few years ago, I began to see light…dancing light all over, particular when I am outside, specks of light like insane sporadic fireworks dancing everywhere I look…I only need to 'shift my focus'…the closest to describe it that I found is the poem :

O day, arise! The atoms are dancing.
Thanks to Him the universe is dancing.
The souls are dancing, overcome with ecstasy.
I'll whisper in your ear where their dance is taking them…
All the atoms in the air and in the desert
Know well, they seem insane.
Every single atom, happy or miserable,
Becomes enamored of the sun,
of which nothing can be said.


    Dawn Cartwright Sep 24, 2012 9:26am

    Dear Abhi,

    I do see it. I do hear it. I do feel it. What's also interesting is how all my senses seem to morph and I cannot really tell if I am seeing or I am hearing or I am feeling or I am tasting – AMAZING, yes? I sense you experience the same? Tell me MORE!!!! ♥

    What a beautiful poem and I am swooning over the YouTube. The deep hum is connecting me to people, places and experiences even more strongly now that I've written about it and so many have responded.

    Love! Dawn

anonymous Sep 7, 2012 8:07am

Beautiful, Dawn. I think this captures, so well, what the differences can be between having sex and making love. And also how we can perhaps still appreciate and cherish the deeply erotic connections we have to people who we haven't, and may never, actually become physical with.

    Dawn Cartwright Sep 7, 2012 10:19am

    Hi Lindsey,

    A friend and I were just talking about Anais Nin yesterday. Deep erotic connections we have to people we may or may not ever become physical with? Hummmmmmmmmm.

    Thank you for being here, reading and sharing this connection we know so well.

    Love! Dawn

      anonymous Sep 7, 2012 12:34pm

      yes! Love Anais. Have you read "A Literate Passion: Letters of Anais Nin and Henry Milller 1932-1953"? Ummmm-hum. Talk about deeply sexual, alluring, and arousing all at once. <3 Swoon.

        Dawn Cartwright Sep 11, 2012 7:57pm

        Oh! Ordering now – can't wait! xoxo

anonymous Sep 4, 2012 3:31pm

[…] have to admit that we have sexual energy all the time, and teach people how to control it and use it responsibly. Pretending otherwise is like giving […]

anonymous Sep 4, 2012 3:53am

Amusing as articles go – but I am very curious as to the use of the word gourmand – which is French for GLUTTON, or GREEDY. If one intended fine food aficionado then the word is GOURMET and NOT GOURMAND. It seems to be a particulalry American thing to use the words interchangeably.

    Dawn Cartwright Sep 4, 2012 7:23am

    Hi John,

    Thanks for the correction – I love language, love to learn about it, love to play with it. I think we need to talk to the dictionary people too – and I need to do deeper research! Here's what I found online when I did check the word before using . . .

    Definition of GOURMAND

    1: one who is excessively fond of eating and drinking
    2: one who is heartily interested in good food and drink

    Thanks for reading and enjoying and commenting.

    Love! Dawn

      anonymous Sep 4, 2012 10:31am

      : )

      anonymous Sep 15, 2012 5:46pm


      1. Goinfre, glouton, goulu.
      2. Gourmet, gastronome, dégustateur.

      Le mot anglais a évolué dans le sens de l’excès de nourriture tandis que le mot français est devenu plus associé à des goûts raffinés pour les aliments.


anonymous Sep 3, 2012 9:46pm

Beautifully broken down, thank you Dawn! Hope to see more about the Hum…and the love train.

    Dawn Cartwright Sep 4, 2012 7:21am

    Good Morning Marie,

    Love train? YES!!!!!! Thanks for the inspiration, Marie, thanks for reading and receiving – I love how the hum really is making so many connections – here and now!

    Love! Dawn

anonymous Sep 3, 2012 6:18pm

MMMMMMM, Magnificently Written Dawn :: The Expression So Refreshing In The Experience Of Pure Divine Love :: Revealing All That Is Within Every HEART :: All That Ever Was, Always :: The HUM :: This Beautiful Resonance :: The Sound Of Spirit That Is Always There, Everywhere :: All I Have To Do Is Close My Eyes, Going Within Into The Stillness.

Thank You Dawn नमस्ते

    Dawn Cartwright Sep 4, 2012 7:18am

    Dear Great North Sky,

    Thank YOU for the hum in and through your words – I feel it. Thanks for opening it up for me this morning just a little bit more. Thanks for reading and commenting!

    Love! Dawn

anonymous Sep 3, 2012 4:38pm

Love the video too! I witnessed Murmuration on the night of the blue moon! I was in the parking lot of a supermarket and yelled out to my daughter when I saw it! So astounding to witness!!

    Dawn Cartwright Sep 4, 2012 7:17am

    Hi Myriam,

    OMG, that is incredible – blue moon AND murmuration?! Must be something you're transmitting or receiving or both – what a magical life. Thanks for reading and commenting!

    Love! Dawn

anonymous Sep 3, 2012 2:58pm

I am floored. I saw this on a friend's FB status update. I went into the desert this past May to do a Vision Fast. After a few days of no food [water though] and absolute inner and outer stillness, I realized what I thought was the sound of a diesel truck idling was something I called "the hum." I shared this with my group, but only one person could hear it. I have been talking about it ever since. And I talk about it in exactly the way you do here. It's like coming home. Accessing that sound felt like the deepest sense of belonging I could imagine. It nourishes me. I want to help others experience it in their own bodies or in the bodies of others. I have sensed being able to hear or feel the hum will help us during the hard years of transition that are coming. That in being connected to it we will remember who we are, where we came from. It is easy to forget and slip into contention and competition. At first there was just the hum. I can hear it in people sometimes, too. It seems to be an antidote to the anxiety of this high-speed modern world. And you describe it in exactly the same way I do! Thank you for this! Sister of the hum!

    Dawn Cartwright Sep 4, 2012 7:16am

    Good Morning Maria,

    You know, I think THIS is why I felt such a surge to write this article – to hear stories like yours of experiencing the hum. Just reading your words, I feel it across another spectrum. I'm heading out to the desert this weekend and I'll be listening to your hum, our hum, the hum. Thank you so, so much for writing and sharing you incredible sister of the hum!

    Love! Dawn

      anonymous Sep 5, 2012 12:08pm

      Yes! The hum is in the field! I told my mom about your piece and her first reaction was: "Oh, she stole your idea." Ah, my mom is great for her generation, but still stuck in the idea of competition. As far as I am concerned, the more people talking about the hum, the better. And my work has really been exploring how awareness of this deep nourishing sense can help us access in ourselves by ourselves and reduce those competitive relations with others, or unhealthy dependence on others. How it can bring more joy to all our relations with humans [which can be tricky business] I have a whole bunch of other thoughts on intimacy and passion in our culture, how we are often limited by only really knowing those very important experience through sexual intimacy. A great way to experience them, but not the only way! Thank you again. I'd love to hear more of what you are doing and how this moves through you. I sent you a friend request on FB. But whatever way we connect, through the ether or through the internet, I'm sure we'll be amplifying the hum!

        Dawn Cartwright Sep 5, 2012 1:48pm

        Dearest Maria,

        I have a feeling we are going to be great friends. Thanks for the encouragement to share more . . . I'm cooking. Can't wait to be exposed to your work as well. And I LOVE your mom, moma bear!

        Love, Dawn

anonymous Sep 3, 2012 11:38am

Best kind of love in the world! Thanks for your lovely vs. list!!

    Dawn Cartwright Sep 3, 2012 12:02pm

    Hi Myriam,

    YES! Absolutely the best. Thanks so much for reading and commenting – doing the vs. list was a lot of fun.

    Love! Dawn

Dawn Cartwright Sep 2, 2012 8:25am

Good Morning Nunh,

THIS is a great story, I wish you'd written eve more. Thank you for sharing your delight – I can feel it from here. I especially love the grocery store part. Long live the hum.

Thank you for reading, THANK YOU for sharing your love.

Love! Dawn

anonymous Sep 1, 2012 9:09pm

Everything has a frequency – everything has a vibration – music. I feel the hum with my wife and best friend (one and the same) from day one to this very day – strong. She is my soulmate and I have been so happy to know and love her. I love when I feel excitement in the air when she is near. My favorite is when we are both in a public place (such as a grocery store) and we did not know the other would be there and we run into each other. Hum and sparks! Boyish excitement. Lust, love and happiness. Great article!

anonymous Sep 1, 2012 10:30am

[…] What’s the difference? […]

anonymous Aug 31, 2012 9:38am

[…] Well, the sex started innocuously enough…doesn’t it always? […]

anonymous Aug 30, 2012 12:34pm

Err, Nice article, but what's up with the picture of the pre-pubescent girl at the beginning.

    Dawn Cartwright Aug 31, 2012 8:43am

    Hey Ltiscia,

    Thanks for the compliment on the article. As for the pic – I'm pretty sure that woman's over the age of 11. Not all of us can be curvaceous, but we are all still women.

    Love your name!

    Love! Dawn

anonymous Aug 29, 2012 6:48pm

Awsome Dawn, I know I have mentioned to you once upon a time, way back when in the late 70's, I was in college in a psychology class, my professor asked the students to determine and or share where they "thought" their erogenous zone(s) was located… AT the time I was one of the students and my hand shot up quickly and I turned a bit red as I blurted out my entire body. The other students just looked at me as if I was so stupid and so clueless as to what he was actually asking… This seems an appropriate to share with a larger audience as I comment on this piece that you have written.
I am thankful that the HUM has never really left… sometimes it subsides, or I tell myself to put it on the back burner already and get a bit more focused, but ultimately it is the connection to this universal energy that runs through me that keeps me going with a smile, and yes, when it runs through me and through you, or though a special someone that's some HUM HUM HUM… So eloquently and beautifully descriptive. I would have expected nothing less from your deepest whispering. Much love, Bobi

    Dawn Cartwright Aug 31, 2012 8:41am

    Good Morning Bobi,

    LOVE that story – I am thankful that you blurted out the MAGNIFICENCE of who you are and what you KNOW right there in your psychology class – taught them all a thing or two. 😉 You inspire me.

    Thanks for reading and WOW, thanks for showing up here and commenting.

    Love, Dawn

anonymous Aug 29, 2012 8:46am

Captured it very nicely in your writing. Thanks for posting!

    Dawn Cartwright Aug 29, 2012 9:03am

    Dear Megan,

    SO fantastic we all seem to be on the same HUM. Thanks for reading and commenting!

    Love! Dawn

anonymous Aug 28, 2012 7:11pm

Just intro'd on FB to: I'm Not Spiritual & WOW.

    Dawn Cartwright Aug 28, 2012 7:46pm

    Thank you, Mamaste!! I appreciate the shares. Love! Dawn

      anonymous Aug 29, 2012 7:36am

      the music i hear inside me it goes on strangely i never hear it with my ears i hear with my eyes it.trees earth everything is vibrating thanks for the article now i know what i am looking for.

        Dawn Cartwright Aug 29, 2012 8:46am

        Dear Satyakam,

        You hear it with your eyes. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. You've given me another way to listen. Thanks for being here.

        Love! Dawn

anonymous Aug 28, 2012 5:13pm

Hey Dawn,

Do you realise you are creating a new genre? … I doubt it. You are too close. But you are.

The New Songs of the Tantrika, 21st Century edition.

Very few can have their phrase do the splits just as it is spinning in a mind-erasing pirouette, mid-air, mid-mind.

Yes, meeting you again 15 billion years later and same old hum, same old hum.
It's a dangerous piece of writing. As always. Seducing people into humming into existence new galaxies, new universes. Brahma must be getting ready to start a new cycle …

    Dawn Cartwright Aug 28, 2012 7:46pm

    Hi Vesco,

    You are very much the artist yourself – love how you feel, write and see. Thank you for reading, for taking this IN.


    (Hmm, must have been Brahma humming in my ear all week.)

    Love! Dawn

anonymous Aug 28, 2012 12:06pm

Beautiful, and thought-provoking!

    Dawn Cartwright Aug 28, 2012 7:26pm

    Hi Dominique,

    Thank you! So happy to provoke thought in such a beautiful, HUMMING woman. What does the HUM feel like for YOU?

    Love! Dawn

anonymous Aug 28, 2012 10:02am


Thanks for another brilliant clarification on attraction and so much more! You've helped me once more be able to discern what is happening in my body and in my soul.

Very true, I can manufacture lust for just about anybody that fits into my broad range of parameters. And it can be hot for a night and a day and another night, yet without the "hum", that's all it is: manufactured, not shared. And manufactured gets lonely pretty quickly. AND tedious.

The hum, now that's a consummation devoutly to be wished. And yes, it's objectless, yet it's SO connected to the object at the same time. It's an agenda-less communion, which has confused me much of my life, though I'm starting to get it AND this article has helped me so much.

So thank you for the context, for contributing to my life and I'll be sure to pass it on to those I know and those I work with.

Love you,

    Dawn Cartwright Aug 28, 2012 7:25pm

    Hi Adam,

    Love you too, thanks for reading and commenting. Your descriptions are vivid – sounds like you've had valuable experience with both types of attraction. Love your discovery that, at the core, you're the HUM.

    Love this: "And, yes, it's object-less, yet it's So connected to the object at the same time." – that's it!!!! Sweetest intimacy I know.

    Thanks for the important work you do in the world.

    Love! Dawn

anonymous Aug 28, 2012 9:06am

[…] Sexual Attraction: The Big Bang. ~ Dawn Cartwright | elephant journal […]

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Dawn Cartwright

Dawn Cartwright is a Tantric visionary, sacred writer, world traveler, and innovator in bio-energetic Tantra fusion. She discovered the path of Tantra by accident shortly after a period of life-changing mystical experiences in lovemaking. During her 20 years of teaching, she has integrated the Vigyan Bhairav roots of Tantra, Alexander Lowen’s teachings, the wisdom of Osho, and a microcosm-macrocosm approach to the body. Founder of the Chandra Bindu Tantra Institute in Santa Monica, California. You can also find Dawn on Facebook and Twitter. Dawn lives in Santa Monica, California.