September 24, 2012

My Summer of Loving Lessons.

I was looking back at the past few months this morning.

And I realized the huge amount of change in my perception. The catalysts outside of me, making me turn the mirror within to see where I needed to grow up and out.

And with this growth came a whole lotta pain, happiness and freedom.

Here’s what I found:

  • You can love someone with every part of your being and if they don’t love themselves enough, the relationship is doomed. Both need to be committed to their own growth.
  • I am blessed, fortunate and grateful for my friends. New and old, I love you all!!!
  • I learned the true meaning of support and love.
  • We can have absolutely no impact on someone by telling them anything about how they treat us or hurt themselves—all we can do is ask ourselves why we allow it and choose something different.
  • I no longer tolerate disrespect personally or professionally—it isn’t just an attitude I’ve come to find it’s the way some people live. They can live that way, but without me.
  • I was a fool and I’ll be a fool again.
  • I built fairy tales in the past of different situations and relationships, so I wouldn’t have to deal with the reality of failure and the pain of disappointment. I’ve learned the pain of disappointment leaves you, once you invite it in.
  • Compassion has grown within me for myself and others. I’m not so hard on me or anyone else….we’re all human.
  • I came to realize I actually deserve good in an intimate relationship. I always “thought” I did, but I really never believed it. I look back on how I tolerated table scraps of attention, love, affection and other forms of emotional starvation as the norm. I’m no longer on this diet—love is a banquet and it’s time for a feast.
  • Bad behavior is bad behavior. It’s not mine to own and I don’t take it personally anymore. The sense of entitlement someone has can come off as self-righteous, but I see the pain and loss of control behind it. It’s just not my responsibility to fix it.
  • Texting and emailing, as a means of communication for important conversations is another form of hiding, because of fear. I realized nothing gets cleared up this way and I’d rather talk, so at the very least both parties are heard.
  • Communication can bring fear into the light. I dig as deep as possible, as hard as it is, because shining that light makes me know I’m not alone and the boogeyman won’t keep me imprisoned in fear.
  • I learned to drop my ego more times than I care to count. The first line of defense is always the ego. And then to ask myself “Where is the love?” Vulnerability has become the norm.
  • Action and words need to match or someone is feeling bad.
  • Compartments are toxic. Courage is beautiful, no matter how emotionally damaged we are, the difficulty in digging deep changes us when we allow it; it’s where confidence and happiness are born.
  • Caring about ourselves and another enough not to punish them means we longer want to punish ourselves.
  • Suffering is optional.
  • Do what you love. The money may not come as quickly we want it too, but we can’t give up. We may just have to change our map a bit to get there.

I wonder if anyone else has found themselves in a similar place today?

My list is actually longer.

I discovered through a lot of pain, and a lot of love that sometimes letting go is all you can do. I learned this through a relationship, clients, friends and some that I worked with professionally.

I’ve learned letting go—without blame and condemnation—feels better. Allowing others to be wherever they are on their path is okay too. I can just choose a different path that works for me.

This summer was about growing into a version of myself that was always there, I just had to remove all the defenses within blocking it.

I’m lighter, happier, kinder, more open and a plethora of other really cool descriptive words. I also say what I think or feel all the time rather than withholding, because it serves no one when you do. I try to speak from a loving place, because it leads to the best outcome….whatever that is.

The spiritual journey is never easy nor is the path within, and each time I think I’ve arrived, I now know it’s just a rest stop on the long road of discovery.

Editor: Lynn Hasselberger

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