7 + 1 Ways to F*ck a Woman’s Mind. {NSFW} ~ David Esotica

Via elephant journal
on Oct 18, 2012
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Update: a rebuttal, via Kate Bartolotta. 7 + 1 Reasons Not to F*ck a Woman’s Mind. {NSFW}

And David’s partner tells her side of the story: More than 7 + 1 Ways: A Closer Look. 

~

A woman’s sex is all mental.

Everything lies in her experience.

In her immersion—when her body, her soul, her spirit are engulfed in a wave of crashing ecstasy. Warm, warped, heated, burnt. Sear her experience with a burning fire and all things change. Everything changes.

Do not focus on the physical, the technique. All of your actions are whispers. What is essential is the sharpness of intent. Raw, brooding action. And reaction. A man’s movement is to be an expression of passionate force.

So then. Here are seven ways to fuck a woman’s mind, in no particular order:

1. Softly, sweetly. Almost serene. For all her thorns and daggers, every woman holds a fragile part. She may hide it, for fear of finding herself vulnerable. We do this, too. Caress her, whisper into her ear. Softer than the faintest, gentlest touch. Tender words whispered in her ear. More than just words. A sweet song, embers; roaring heat drifting from a fire into her ear.

2. Assertive. A delicate, yet crude dance. A hand wrapping around her hips and turning her front toward you. A softness and a firmness. Care taken whilst taking what you she offers up.

3. Swiftly. A firm grip that pulls her backwards and penetrates her in a whirlwind of motion. Footholds lost, hips a swinging fulcrum. Vapors of a gasp disappearing in a flash of movement. A jolt, a shake. Sharp, sudden, piercing.

4. Slowly, strongly. Firm hands digging into limbs. A tight grip pinning down wrists. Slow, forceful movements. Contemplative. Deliberate. Thumbs pressing into soft thighs. Hips open like hinges. Complete presence in the stillness.

5. Painfully. Cruel nails grinding down the sides of her ribs. Gripping onto the bone of her hips. Digging into the soft flesh of her waist.

6. Animalistic. A deep, unconscious rhythm from deep in the spine. Rising to the surface.

7. Lovingly. Penetrating, a thunder of emotion crunching through the eyes.

My girl.

There is the point where it all implodes. A thing to behold—the moment when she curls up, reeling from the burst of emotion. Orgasmic energy throbbing down her limbs. Pressing into her chest, soft sobbing begins to seep up, tears sparkling in soft candlelight.

There we go. Fucking beautiful.

There is a point when it all comes out. Every woman reaches a point when she comes, deeper and harder than she thought possible. Her body and her soul open unleashing a storm. Through her tears she quenches an ancient, longing thirst.

This leads us to a beautiful truth about the feminine—every woman is in pain.

It is a pain that goes deeper than the reach of any brutal force or cold analysis. It is something wrapped inside her, around her spine, engulfing her chest. But it is not something to be feared. This is a beautiful agony.

It emerges when she feels that hunger.

A hunger to be loved and cherished. To blossom. To feel. To touch.

And yes, to be ravished.

She feels it in anticipation and in deep harmony. It comes during times of loss, despair and fear. It groans in her sex, screaming in her thrill. It drives into her skin with touch. It deepens with burning love.

Yes, pain, pleasure and love, intricately entwined in this ethereal dance.

And from this, we find the next step in delicious life, love and sex.

The eighth way is to fuck her with deep compassion.

Compassion, as I see it, is my ability to understand your pain. To feel it. To embody it. It is the doorway to spirit.

There is the way I will reach out and touch you. It envelopes the other seven ways. It wraps around our limbs, across our skin, and binds myself into you.

Yes, this is how I can hold you, take you and claim you. This will draw me to you. It will drive me into you.

But you are the one who must invite me.

You must let it happen.

And here is my invite to you and to every woman on the planet.

What will make me come to a woman is not her sex, nor her elegance, nor her strength, nor her brilliant intelligence. It is her openness. How prepared she is to feel that groan, that pain. Feel it, and express it. That is the key.

Do this, and I will know.

Yes, this is a woman who feels deeply. Yes, she engulfs herself in an ocean of love and passion. Yes, this is the one.

And thus, you become a thing to behold. A beautiful creature, curled up, reeling from the burst of catharsis. Fucking beautiful.

What it means to penetrate a woman like this? Difficult to describe. It is simple to simplify, to leave it as a groaning in my cock and balls. In many a sense, this is true, but only partially true.

I suppose I could use the old throwaway words—polarity, masculine and feminine. In a way, they tell us that something exists. There are labels there.

But oh, feeling it is something else entirely.

Gripping ecstasy borne from ancient, primal flesh. A solemn reminder from my body, this sacred quintessence of dust. To be grasped by it, to be driven with it. To be overwhelmed by simple lust.

But oh, there is another place. Another longing. To find the beauty in it. The magic of it.

Drive that stake deep enough into my heart, and you see my soul. For I am forced to move with a single, potent purpose. The sharpness of my action places me in an empty flow. No thoughts distract me. Only instinct. Only my saliva, my blood and my dust.

And therein lies the compassion of my conquest. At a point my singular precision implodes. And I will see the beauty of it. I will sense the burning inside you. I will feel the orgasm erupting within you. I will see you. Look at me. My eyes will write a thousand lines of poetry. Your surrender has conquered me. Your grace has slain me. Your ethereal softness has overpowered me.

From here, there is only us, and only this.

 

David Esotica works with his partner, Diana, to help women find the earth shattering relationships they crave.They believe in laughing, crying, passion and orgasms. So you can imagine what happens when they talk about sex.  Check out David’s Facebook page Red Silk and his blog David Esotica.

 

 

~

Editor: Lori Lothian

 

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Comments

95 Responses to “7 + 1 Ways to F*ck a Woman’s Mind. {NSFW} ~ David Esotica”

  1. Hi Charlotte:

    One reason we did publish this was because–if you haven't noticed– BDSM has gone full bore into the mainstream already with Fifty Shades, 60 million copies. Even Cosmo had a BDSM issue recently. And our recent piece on the 6 myths of BDSM was very well received by our readership. (http://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/10/six-myths-about-kinkbdsm-lyla-cicero/)

    To say editorially we should define our audience by what will have universal appeal, is silly. There will always be those readers who don't like something a magazine chooses to publish. In this case, David's piece is at 5,600 views (a hit) because it is being read, and shared. If you look at the comments here, as many if not more readers like the piece than don't.

    As editors we will make mistakes too in our choices. Yet when an article does well by reaching this many views, it's usually because it is hitting a nerve (in your case?) or a chord (in the case of readers who loved it).

    thanks for sharing and taking the time to comment.

    Lori Ann
    editor
    elephant love and relationships

  2. Yes, the title is ocntentious. I think the idea is that sex is as much in the mind as it is in the body. It was a play on the popular phrase, mind fuck, vs a literal version.

    Your last line made me LOL. You could argue no technique is great without intention to engage fully…

    Thanks for comments.

    Lori Ann
    EJ editor

  3. Repost here of comment I made on comment thread for the original article. I will add that offensive is in the eye of the beholder. Many readers liked or even LOVED the piece that you see as poor taste.

    Hi Charlotte:

    One reason we did publish this was because–if you haven't noticed– BDSM has gone full bore into the mainstream already with Fifty Shades, 60 million copies. Even Cosmo had a BDSM issue recently. And our recent piece on the 6 myths of BDSM was very well received by our readership. (http://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/10/six-myths-about-kinkbdsm-lyla-cicero/)

    To say editorially we should define our audience by what will have universal appeal, is silly. There will always be those readers who don't like something a magazine chooses to publish. In this case, David's piece is at 5,600 views (a hit) because it is being read, and shared. If you look at the comments here, as many if not more readers like the piece than don't.

    As editors we will make mistakes too in our choices. Yet when an article does well by reaching this many views, it's usually because it is hitting a nerve (in your case?) or a chord (in the case of readers who loved it).

    thanks for sharing and taking the time to comment.

    Lori Ann
    editor
    elephant love and relationships

  4. Guest says:

    I have to say, I don't like the "conquest" theme here. Women don't exist for men to conquer, and I think you have drastically oversimplified women as a whole with your sweeping generalizations. I also don't like the implication that a woman's worth is measured by her orgasms. Every woman is different, and there are women out there who are not able to have orgasms–it doesn't mean their hearts are closed off or that they are unworthy of love. What bothers me most about this article is there is nothing about what men should give to women. It's all about "taking" and "dominating", when really in sex it has to be a two-way street–of giving, loving, sharing, vulnerability and ultimate surrender.

  5. Susan says:

    "A women's sex is all mental" Um, no it's not.
    "…sobbing begins to seep up, tears sparkling in soft candlelight." maybe in high school.
    "…all women are in pain" No, we're not. That's just your middle-aged wet dream.

    Fucking ridiculous.
    More misogyny disguised as erotica. Mr "Esotica" is clueless.

  6. Charolette says:

    Lori,
    It seems that you missed what I was trying to point out here. If it is about BDSM then say it is! I must have missed the BDSM article on the yoga and love page…was it on the controversial page? This has been feeling like a mind f***k of a different kind for a while now. First the disguised article and now the editorial responses. Congratulations on increasing your views! I am moving on.

  7. Londa says:

    I work with sexual assault victims. We always tell them to listen to their gut. When I read this, mine clenched up tighter than a fist and I felt sickened.
    The idea of "appropriate" means there is a box beyond which EJ should not venture.
    You're right, there is that box and it's labeled "Rape Culture".
    Although I only subscribed a month ago, Elephant Journal has been my self care escape during the day. It was always "safe" and I usually left feeling enlightened. Not today. Not at all. I'm leaving feeling disgusted and sad.

  8. […] a picture of a scantily-clad woman, have a title promoting the “Three Easy Steps to Being a Mega Sex-Machine” and bandy about the words cock and pussy and BAM! Instant elephant […]

  9. Heather says:

    You dig your nails into me and I'll l knock your teeth out.

  10. Hello Londa:

    Escape zone and safety zone are what I hear you wanting EJ to be for you. Yet, the choice to read a piece that you are not enjoying is your choice. If you must play the Rape Culture card (a huge stretch here) there is a thing too called "victim culture"…being a victim of your choice to read a piece but to project the responsibility on others, in this case EJ editorial.

    EJ presents many facets of reality and respresents many kinds of readers. Some would object for instance to LGBT lifestyle material on our site, which do also cover, or the upcoming series on Men and Pornography (pro and con) which we are doing in conjunction with The Good Men Project.

    Bottomline, is, if you don't like it, don't read it. Why throw a baby out with the bathwater, and ditch the whole magazine because one article, in one subsection, (or a few) are not to your taste? (PS: that is also why we label pieces Adult, or NSFW –not safe for work– or Nudity. To forewarn our reader before they click the link.

    Lori Ann
    elephant love and relationships
    editor

  11. Just curious. Is it okay for you to dig your nails into your lover? (assuming its a male). I kind of like equality here, and I sure have done some nail digging into my men over the years….

  12. […] latest piece 7 + 1 Ways to F*ck a Woman’s Mind divided his […]

  13. Gladys SBraun says:

    Thank you for your words, the poetry showing the dance of the energy that we can participate in if we choose. I get it. I feel the beauty of surrender, trust, openness and receiving in what you have written. Your words express what I desire and at the same time, I understand how it can create fear. Life can create fear. Surrender can create discomfort. Yet we accept, even encourage total surrender on the meditation pillow, but when we talk about surrender on our lover’s pillow, some see it as violent and intrusive. This is where I’ve found pleasure in surrender, with my lover, allowing the yin energy to surge through me, opening and receiving, allowing myself to be "taken". This is where I have allowed the interplay of light and dark, accepting every desire that runs through my body, accepting the totality of who I am, including that which some have banished to the dark side. This is where I have been able to look into another’s eyes, and saw the Divine – and in seeing the Divine, I have desired and allowed myself to be ravished. Trust. Openness. Surrender. Thank you for showing what this looks like in the arms of a lover.

  14. Joe Sparks says:

    Women's liberation has been sold as women having the choice to have sex any way they want. Because they appear to get a choice, they're "liberated." Essentially women are being offered men's distresses as progress. Well it's equality in a certain sense (laughter), but I don't think it's what we are after. It show how our society is sexualizing us. Most women want more than this from a man.

  15. […] what we consider “normal.” There are also a lot of questions about the most mundane and boring elements of human sexuality. This is a show for everyone. Well, everyone except children and my 95-year-old […]

  16. tanya says:

    wow. I Love this. So well put. THANK YOU DAVID. I'm reading it again. And sharing it.

  17. […] One might even, in the twisted logic of sexual anorexia (laced with puritanical fear), be grateful to have disconnected from such naked intimacy. After all, this man is not my fiancé. He is, in fact, not even a lover. How could I possible give over all my orgasm, all my pleasure, all my treasures to someone I casually know? What if he expects something in return? How dare he try to take more than his fair share! No one violates me! […]

  18. onesadhaka says:

    tell it!

  19. onesadhaka says:

    Seems sorta creepy and misogynistic to me. Fucking with compassion? Isn't that making love? It seems a bit condescending to women, portraying them as odd creatures, somehow different than us. I wanted to be receptive, but fucking a woman's mind just seems base and crude and frankly…weird. I'd suggest making love is a holy communion at many levels (physical, mental, and spiritual..plus a few more) and not simply (and crudly) …fucking her mind. Ugh. Poor women who had to go through this. I'd gho on more, but see Kate B has a rebuttal up, and we should get a nice voice of reason and counterpoint from her…

  20. solfulsoul says:

    love is a vulnerability and trust is your only safeguard.. you can hold on to it as long as you like no one will blame you.. but "giving in" is a while new world of pleasure and trust… with true submission there is no predetermined role or pre-planned domination and possession; love and duty is for all, but romance is only for the faithful.

  21. BrightBlue says:

    Yup, as always. Not only is it sweepingly heteronormative, but it is also pretty BORING: women just want to be taken by a strong, commanding yet loving man. Yup, I think I read that in like EVERY SINGLE ROMANCE novel there is. I 'm sure there are women like this and further, I'm sure that most people, once in a while, would like to be "taken and penetrated". Sure. But, does that mean that all women are in pain and must be permitted to be vulnerable to your PENETRATING (JESUS, how many times is that word in this article??)? Sure, and throw the word compassion and hey! now we have a spiritual Elephant article? I'm grossed out by this and would like to read something that wasn't lifted from the pages of GQ.

  22. BrightBlue says:

    Is a "polarity" really necessary to great sex?? Is there really a "loss of polarity" between men and women? maybe the problem is NOT that women are expected to be powerful but receptive (why can't a person be flexible) but that men refuse to. Instead of helping women find their vulnerability so they can be penetrated, maybe we should help men be receptive to powerful women so that every gender can be as vulnerable or powerful, receptive or active as they wish IN THAT MOMENT? Everything else is just gender-reinforcing bull.

  23. BrightBlue says:

    You could publish a lot of things that would "stir up dialogue"? Why this one? What is "mindful" about the same old "ravish your woman" advice? I think we're expecting something a little more progressive, a little more mindful and a little more goddamned interesting from EJ.

  24. BrightBlue says:

    Exactly. Same old Deida.

  25. BrightBlue says:

    MIndfulness might entail why this piece is anything other than same old mainstream GQ and Cosmo relationship advice. Any number of things on elephant could stir up discussion. The question is how this fits with Elephant values and the oveall view?

  26. BrightBlue says:

    Hard not to be literal when the author must find a way to say "penetrate" no less than three times in a short piece.

  27. Ryan says:

    I think that any article which claims to speak for any broad group, be it gender, sexual orientation, cultural, racial….will always, always, ALWAYS fail at the sin of implying that any diverse group that are bound by a common thread share the same characteristics. Sometimes that is benign. "Black people are bad swimmers." Well, no, not ALL black people are bad swimmers. Some are. Maybe culturally, a high percentage don't learn how to swim, but there are plenty of good african-american swimmers in the world. All men love sex and hate shopping. No, not really. Not at all really.

    You can speak to a generality of comment, that "many" women like this, but not ALL. That's hokum. You could explore these ideas with them, and perhaps these are new ways of thinking of sexual liberation WITH SOME WOMEN. But to say all of anything is something, wants something, is good (or bad) at something is like saying "All oranges are sweet." No, no they really aren't.

  28. Mara says:

    Definitely compelling and provocative. Leaves much to think about…

    It’s 2013. Please, writers dealing with matters of love and relationships, can you PLEASE not employ HETEROSEXIST LANGUAGE?! As a queer woman, the use of the male/female limiting dichotomy is just straight-up disrespectful and exclusionary.

  29. Booster Blake says:

    David,
    I think you skillfully expressed a very nuanced and powerful experience. Well done. I feel personally served by its emphasis on presence and passion. Your focus on the quality of connection and the art of pause, patience, and penetration are beautiful reminders to the lover within me. I would have liked fuller descriptions of ways 5, 6, and 7.

    5. Painfully- I would love to read you describe your inner experience when giving or receiving pain. Describe the teeter-like edge of it, the underlying readiness to adjust or relieve the intensity instantly.

    6. Animalistic- This is such a great place to play! To leap into mythic connection and wild abandon! Offering perhaps a bit more direction here, refine the context with some exhillerating details.

    7. Lovingly- describing the way you feel when you feel connected to your heart. That melty, gooing, oh I just want to hold her forever feeling. How that nourishes you, how you are fed by her surrender.

    Just sayin. But overall, I'm feeling very grateful for the opportunity to share in your mastery. Thank you.

  30. Booster Blake says:

    I believe that one of the biggest challenges many men face in lovemaking is a tendency to focus on technique vs. the quality of the connection. The focus of David's article really is about presence and staying connected with the experience one's partner is having vs. trying to poke around and find her buttons.

  31. Booster Blake says:

    Nice response Lori. Thanks for the sanity.

    Londa- I deeply appreciate your consideration of those women who have suffered sexual trauma. The fact that you had a visceral contraction in response to the article's content could be an opportunity to get curious about yourself. Clearly by the comments many women found the article to be very insightful and inspirational. But you didn't. And that's totally ok, but if I were you, I might be curious about the experience these other women are having. There's seems to be a bit more enjoyable than a stomach with a clenched fist.

  32. Booster Blake says:

    To All The Women Offended Here:

    Here is a golden opportunity to examine whatever it is that has you feeling triggered over this article. Are you willing to be curious about what's coming up for you? Clearly David adores women. The level of edginess that he describes is only possible when one deeply honors the principles of safety and respect. So since connection is key here, what are we really concerned about ?

  33. Booster Blake says:

    By the comments alone, it’s clear that many women feel inspired, seen, and totally turned on by the article. What is it that makes their experience one of "Yes!" vs. one of "Hell no!"? Maybe look at your relationship to surrender and vulnerability? Maybe your experiences have led you to believe that sex is not a place to feel safe enough to surrender? While those protective measures were likely critical to your survival at some point in your past, how are they serving you today?

    If you’re simply a woman that prefers to top or just doesn’t resonate with the article’s flavor, then I doubt you’re feeling triggered at all and you probably never even took the time to read this comment (much less reply to it).

  34. Karen says:

    I wish people would really READ this…its not about being dominant or submissive….its about connecting with your partner in many different ways…..about know what she needs, when she needs it……about unlocking something primal and instinctual in both of you…..losing yourselves to everything except each other….if you've never felt that kind of a connection with another person, I wholeheartedly beg you to open yourself up to being this kind of vulnerable…..you will experience things and emotions you have never known about before

  35. yooooo says:

    ARE YOU OKAY, YOU ARE SERIOUSLY MESSED UP. LOL. This is the most hilariously pretentious article I've read all year.

  36. betty says:

    Booster: Um, women who are tops don't dig misogyny either.

  37. Mark Morin says:

    What a load of stereotypical crap. Give it another title like «Sex For Dummies» or something. Only people with a total lack of spontaneity and creativity will enjoy this. My God… Get a real sex life, one you don't have to read about on the web. One that belongs to you and comes from you…

    50 shades of nothing…

  38. Debra Faith says:

    i fucking love this! felt every word of it, every one. <3

  39. Peaches says:

    I actually enjoyed the article. Guess I'm pretty open-minded. I'm sure the author did not intend to offend. I didn't take it that way. 2 and 8. Now I'm going to get a cold shower.

  40. Jen says:

    Thank you, Mark. Bravo. True love making is a union of souls… not of societal stereotypes. This author has never fully connected with a woman his entire life, and it is evidenced in the article. I hope he someday dates a sexually empowered woman who not afraid to seduce HIM, as well.

  41. awildergrace says:

    Aaaaannnd, now I need a cigarette (and I don't even smoke). 🙂

    Love this! Well said!

    Poetically written in metaphors that well express "the old throwaway words—polarity, masculine and feminine." This is not so much about submission and dominance, in my opinion, as it is about being comfortable in whatever energy you normally hold and letting your partner hold the opposite energy – it's about allowing – and how that energy becomes even more intense when we are paying attention and "penetrating" each other with our attention, our love – and in this case, during sex.

    You gotta love a good ravishment, right? 🙂

  42. Married yet alone says:

    I would be a very happy woman if my husband 'got' his role and gave me this kind of passion. I am dying inside, he is so tepid and tentitive and apathetic, I wish he had passion and appreciation for the beautiful woman I am, it does make me feel so much more feminine, desired, cherished to inspire this kind of male action. Oh how I wish I had this. Please help me.

  43. Syd says:

    Im a woman I dug it and it resonates with me

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