December 31, 2012

How to Transform a Breakup into a Breakthrough.


Breaking-up is a process.

You may be leaving a job, grieving a loss, grappling with tragedy, moving out of state, outgrowing adolescents, or, in its more classic form, ending a relationship.

Like many things in life, break-ups run on a continuum spanning from amenable to completely devastating. The quiet blessing is that break-throughs are prepackaged in a devastating break-up.

So, if you are in the middle of a radical restructuring of your life complete with paradigm shift, take comfort in the transformation.

Further, follow these simple steps listed below to turn your break-up into a break-through.

Give yourself grace.

As your world shifts and changes, allow yourself to hold tightly to hope. It is not your job to know what is about to happen next. It’s not your duty to wrestle with what could have been. You will want to. But, before your mind goes into overdrive and your body loops through survival mode, give your heart some space to feel everything one breath at a time.

Be Kind.

Everything has a purpose under heaven; turn, turn, turn. Wherever you were was where you needed to be. It is okay to want more. It is okay to want less. There is no logic to tragedy. And loss is part of life. So, be kind to yourself and others by naming what is true for you in the moment and letting go of what no longer serves you.

Give Thanks.

Curse, demonize, rage, and scream. Let the energy of release move through you. Then give thanks for the life the courses in your veins, the love that moves your heart, and the freedom to try again tomorrow.

Try again.

Helen Keller has been quoted as saying, “Life is a grand adventure or it is nothing.” I say, it is both. Life happens in the void of nothing that then gives rise to great adventures. Necessity is the mother of invention simply because survival underpins need. But, don’t expect to arrive at a solution your first try. If that happens, goodie for you. Sometimes the best way to define what you do want is by knowing what you don’t and for that your will have to try again and again.

Remember what matters most.

In the midst of painful transition, your awareness will naturally gravitate to what you hold most dear. Take notes. Cultivate what nurtures your heart. Be better to yourself and a better life will ensue. Death is the great equalizer and life is the greatest of teachers. Revere them both.

For those families suffering after the many shootings that happened in 2012, for those who are rebuilding after Hurricane Sandy and for the millions of people affected by chronic disease and waning resources, this list may seem perfunctory.

But, as an adult orphan and as a human who has gone through her fair share of losses—with no end in sight—this list is the very thing that pulled me out of darkness and restored love and light to my life.

My wish is that it will do the same for you.

“To be a warrior is not a simple matter of wishing to be one. It is rather an endless struggle that will go on to the very last moment of our lives. Nobody is born a warrior, in exactly the same way that nobody is born an average man. We make ourselves into one or the other.”

Carlos Castaneda




Ed: Bryonie Wise

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