I Need You—I Have the Flu.

Via Renee Baribeau
on Jan 23, 2013
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It’s Monday and I’m sick.

My weary body is complaining, but my mind is in overdrive as I plan this week’s itinerary. As I get dressed to let the painters into the guesthouse, I experience a deep sense of loneliness.

Earlier, while reading a post on Facebook I started crying for no apparent reason. Most of the weekend was spent in bed propped on pillows, watching sad, romantic movies. I lay there unabashed, as tears streamed endlessly into every heart-wrenching scene from “Hope Springs,” starring Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones, as their 30-year marriage began to crumble.

It’s day three of the flu, and everything feels like a tidal wave crashing ruthlessly into my desolate shoreline. I’m craving chicken soup, but there’s no one here to pamper me as I ponder the fact that my ability to generate income is so dependent upon my state of health. Last week I knew I was in trouble. While standing in line a customer service rep handed me a phone so I could make a call. To my horror I watched as she sneezed violently into her sleeve. The lesson is to never accept a public phone from a stranger during flu season. Even my trusted healer did not ward off this virus—generally she can snag in the etheric.

I’m feeling lonely, depressed and find myself listening to “Golden Oldies” inside my head.

Source: local.dexknows.com via DexKnows on Pinterest

“What’s the use? Will my life ever get better?” I laugh at my frustration and self-pity.

As I watched Hope Springs last night, I was saddened by how lonely one can feel in the midst of a relationship. As a relationship coach, this is a good reminder of how much my married clients have to endure when wishing is not enough to cross the bridge of pain and separation. For single people the road can present similar roadblocks, flooded by spring rains, and can be just as difficult to cross.

My description of the perfect mate has puzzled many: successful, good-natured, financially independent, socially engaged, outdoors enthusiast… A friend pointed out that I was aiming much too high; these expectations would only lead to disappointment. This was an eye opener. I learned that my belief system was deeply ingrained with the idea that all men are gangsters. This revelation has allowed me to form close friendships with decent men, but I realize that what I truly seek is the company of a woman.

Recently I met someone who satisfied 90 percent of the items in my prerequisite list for the ideal lover. Then, the sadness portrayed by Streep in Hope Springs crept in. I realized that once again I am still looking for that ideal partner. As much as the connection feels good, it won’t fill in the missing pieces of my relationship puzzle. I felt a sharp pang of loneliness that weakened my immune system and allowed a virus to set up camp in my body. Being bed-ridden gave me the opportunity to explore the various aspects of my aloneness. Despite the move from doing to being, there is still the chasm of availability to cross between my ideal one and the empty pillow in my bed. Could it be that I am only available when I am sick and need someone to care for me?

Perhaps I have always been seeking myself. But the question remains:

“How do I create spaciousness in my busy life to call in the one who is both worthy of my love, without sacrificing my health?”

This year, I am creating a wider and deeper space for love. I am still seeking a doer, and have expanded my list to include someone who will care enough to bring me chicken soup in bed. The lesson learned is that true healing comes from within. For the time being I’ll put on a pot of tea and rely on a good friend for a hot meal.

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Ed: Lynn Hasselberger


About Renee Baribeau

Renee Baribeau, “The Practical Shaman,”is a wind whistler, soul coach, Hay House author, inspirational speaker, and workshop leader. Renee is the author of Winds of Spirit, by the prestigious Hay House Publishing Co. Renee is known for her practical, down to earth approach to helping her clients find simple solutions to living an authentic life present. She believes insight gleaned from her rigorous transformational journey can help others find an easier softer quicker path to happiness. Learn more about The WindWork® at a Wind Whistling Ceremony here. Follow Renee on Facebook at The Practical Shaman for daily inspiration.


30 Responses to “I Need You—I Have the Flu.”

  1. Lisa says:

    Sorry to hear that the flu caught you, Renee. Watching your amazing efforts at promotion, marketing, writing, healing, and all the other things you offer to the world, it is no wonder that Spirit did a smack-down of you and forced you to take a little "me" time.

    You might want to contemplate the possibility that you might be idealizing just a little bit how excellently you'd be cared for if there was someone occupying that vacant pillow in your bed.

    In my experience, it's rare to receive a whole lot of sympathy, nurturing, and soul-warming chicken soup when you're feeling yucky – even if you're truly loved. In fact, you might be grateful to have the "care" be as simple as the other person taking care of themselves and not expecting you to hold up your end of the day-to-day responsibilities of the relationship.

    That said, I don't think anyone would argue that, when we're feeling run down and like a piece of flotsam that should just be washed out to sea, we are at our most vulnerable.

    I can't make you soup or fluff your pillow, but I can send you a hug. I hope you feel better VERY soon. (And doesn't it stink that you know – and most certainly KNEW, at the very moment it occurred – where you picked up those germs?! Listen to your intuition!)

  2. Just having this nice letter from you makes my pillow a tad bit fluffier. Thank you for caring.

  3. Lisa you are such a gift to my life. I am so happy you sent me some energetic chicken soup.

  4. Janie Emaus says:

    I'd bring you some homemade soup, if I lived closer and if I could cook~

  5. Thanks Janie, I do have some homemade soup tonight. But it is the thought that counts.

  6. I know that I have allowed sickness in my life so that I could give myself the permission to rest and reflect. I wish it was more acceptable to just take to one's bed in health for the same thing. Then we could rest and reflect without feeling terrible at the same time.

    I wish I could bring you some soup. Nothing feels better when you are sick than to have someone care about you and care for you. I hope you feel better soon and find that balance you are searching for. Relationships are just hard all the way around. I think even the perfect mate has flaws. I know I have flaws. But it doesn't seem to me that you are looking for perfect as you're looking for a grown-up. Grown-ups are awfully are not easy to find.

  7. Thanks Chloe for the laugh.. Grown up are hard to find and when I do not feel good, I am a big fat baby.

  8. imnotasupermom says:

    My husband is a good guy and takes care of me the best he can. I hope you find someone like that for you. Of course, "the best he can" isn't the same as "what I have dreamed of"' but he does okay.

  9. The best he can, sounds like my dear friend above who just gets to not care for everyone else while in bed. 🙂

  10. ssallin says:

    Well I'm glad you got the chicken soup. You do seem to be on top of your feelings. Don't hate me, but why don't you watch movies that will make you happy? How about that?

  11. The relationship issue…so laden with hope and expectations and disappointments. I've done the dating thing on and off for a too many years–it's not easy. My last relationship ended when I broke my foot and he turned out to be very Not helpful. And, somehow being sick opens up the vulnerable side.
    Thank you for sharing this as it allows others to acknowledge their own challenges.

  12. I do watch happy movies.. I am making a spoof on the human condition of feeling sad when we get sick.. I guess my humor was lost in the editing.

  13. Thanks for understanding Walker. So many people missed my humor. On to the next blog.

  14. sharongreenthal says:

    Even with someone to take care of you, being sick is a lonely business. I, too tend to curl up and watch sappy movies when I'm under the weather.

    As for an ideal mate – one thing I can say for sure after 23 years of marriage is you have to take the good with the bad. "Ideal" is impossible – "ideal enough" is quite attainable. There are always compromises!

  15. Helene Bludman says:

    I remember having the flu years ago and crying. Keep drinking that tea and stay hydrated.

  16. Great blog – so many of us women do NOT make space for ourselves. We take care of everyone else. I'm glad you're making space for you this year. I always know I'm getting sick when I cry over something like a commercial for Miller Lite. Hope you are feeling better!

  17. mindy says:

    Oh gosh, wish I could fly on over and help out. I remember when I broke my wrist last year and felt so alone. My support system was 3,000 miles away and my husband (though he did try) was NO HELP! Just give in to yourself at this time–wallow in it, and eventually you will be feeling better and it will pass. Feel better!

  18. Thanks Sharon. I continue to laugh at myself and remember what an ex said. What page in the handbook is that on?

  19. Yesterday I hit the wall, when the shower project tripled in price. I cried, and then dusted off and will marvel in the new tile.

  20. Yes, if you need a cry, Watch Hope Springs. Loved it.

  21. I am so grateful for all the hugs.

  22. Ellen Dolgen says:

    I would bring you some soup if we were any closer! Thanks for the laughs :>)

  23. flemily says:

    Good for you for knowing who and what you want and for sharing your realization with us about healing…I think when someone is sick or hurt, they are particularly vulnerable to wanting to be cared for in a way that they believe they would care for someone else whom they loved…it's wonderful that you were able to get in touch with your feelings about this topic.

  24. Hope you're feeling better and wish I could bring you some chicken soup!

  25. I am having some now. Thanks.

  26. Thank you for the acknowledgement of feelings.

  27. I will have some chicken soup on you.

  28. I love this piece. It’s so touching. I’m sending it off to my mother who is – for the first time in her adult life – without a man. She’s trying to become comfortable being alone. Thank you for sharing. xo S

  29. So glad you liked this and that it made sense. Hope it helps your mom.

  30. haralee says:

    Ohhhh, hope you are 100% very soon!