February 13, 2013

Top 10 Ways to Piss Off Waylon Lewis.


Following a recent rant by our Fearless Editor and Big Dog Buddhist, I thought it might be a great time to post what pisses off Waylon Lewis the most in journalism.

I happen to be an expert, because over the past year I have pissed him off probably as much as every other writer for Elephant. In fact, for a Buddhist, he seems to be pissed off quite a bit of the time. Note to Waylon, maybe you should let some of this shit go?

Meanwhile, on to the list, backwards in the style of Letterman:

10. Crap writing. He dislikes the use of “just, really, um, wow” and any other superlative adjective you can think of. Um, wow, I think he really just hates ending a sentence in a preposition too. Totally.

9. Sex. Wait, Waylon is fine with sex. In fact, for a Buddhist he’s down with sex (or, should I say ‘up’?). But he’s done with pandering to the reader who only wants to read about sex and not about issues like gun control. Note to Waylon: There is a picture of a vagina on your front page.

8. Materialism. Waylon thinks his readership is 75 percent anti-materialistic, so stop writing about what to wear to a yoga conference. Really? I think you might be projecting, super Buddhist man. After all, you live in America, dude.

7. Happy quotes. Actually, these don’t piss him off. But he’d like to see more truth, justice and reality along with, “Between the field of right and wrong, you can meet me there.” The same goes for kittens, although I do like the video of the kitten doing yoga.

6. Self-promotion. This really gets his goat. There is absolutely no self-promotion allowed on elephant. By the way, is there anyone left, or left in America, who does not know Waylon Lewis?

5. “Stirring your drama cauldron and drinking your own flatulence.” You know, I can’t make this stuff up. He actually ranted that he is over drinking our own flatulence. Where is an editor when you need one? It’s a gas, dude, not a liquid (but I guess that depends on what you’ve been eating.).

4. He wants more articles on bicycling. That and art, adventure, eco-responsibility, travel, tiger farms, blah blah blah. We love you, Waylon. Keep on fighting the good fight.

3. Anusara. Anusara. Anusara. Having written most of the articles, I’m sick of it too. In fact, find me a yoga school that hasn’t had a scandal.

2. Over-earnest, uber-sincere yogis who can’t take a joke or a little self-reflection. Actually, this doesn’t piss off Waylon. It pisses me off! But he has taught me to wave my arms in the air and say, “joking,” when I am kidding around so nobody gets offended. In this column, I am “Joking!” (arms waving in air).

1. And the number one thing that pisses him off: Top 10 lists. In the words of Waylon: “F@%k top 10 lists.” Okay, but don’t stop posting them until after you click on this.


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Ed: Kate Bartolotta


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