The Beginner’s Guide to a Tantric Love Affair with Life.

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There he goes again, that guy that keeps showing up on my street.

He walks by with an easy movement of shoulders and hips, exuding a wonderful, grounded masculinity that wafts around him like an aura. He’s so obviously comfortable in his body.

I watch, trying not to stare, resisting the urge to drape myself round him for a closer encounter. I’m well aware that part of me is feeling a strong desire to take him for my own, and I’m not fighting the feeling. Instead, I’m wallowing in it.  Desire. That beautiful spark which reminds me that I’m alive.

I inhale deeply, soaking up the vitality which he radiates, luxuriating in how good I feel when he’s around, using my breath to spread the energy through my body. Like a warm tide, it flows upwards and outwards from my lower chakras, transforming into a general surge of well-being as it moves.

Yes, he is a very attractive man. But it could have been a woman, or a car, or that amazing designer dress which I can’t afford. It could even have been the smell of freshly-ground coffee, or a pretty wildflower.

Because Tantra isn’t all about sex.

One of the core elements is the transformation of desire. It’s about a way of life, about approaching the world with an open heart and a willingness to embrace desire as an essential component of existence. And for me, although some purists may not agree, this applies to all forms of desire.

Desire shows us that we want more than who we are or what we have; it prompts us to expand beyond the limited version of ourselves that we have been up to now.

It is the energy that motivates us to reaching out and connect with life—it is a potent force when allowed to flow freely, and highly destructive when misdirected or repressed.

So, you want that car, house or man? Or that pretty flower that you know you shouldn’t pick? Go ahead, allow yourself to want it, without beating up on yourself. Enjoy the good feelings that it stirs up in you. Maybe even daydream a little about how good it would feel to have it. Really get into the feeling of pleasure, happiness or fulfillment that you imagine it would bring.

But here’s the catch. (Did I forget to mention the catch?)

Now that you’re really tapping into that feeling of desire and pleasure, you need to shift your attention. Move your focus away from the object of your desire and onto the feelings themselves. No, I’m not trying to ruin your fun. You can still continue dreaming about your beautiful car or man, and I’m not suggesting that you give up the idea of having possessions. Just remember that the wonderful feelings are coming from inside yourself and not from outside.

You have generated them, by focusing your attention on something you desire, and you always have the power to generate them, even without an external catalyst.

And yes, it takes practice. Initially, the mind and ego rebel. We are so used to thinking that satisfaction comes from actually possessing something that it can be difficult to imagine deep fulfillment coming from simply aligning ourselves with an energetic frequency.

When you start to use this little bit of magic consistently though, life suddenly becomes a smorgasbord of delight, rather than a never-ending display of things you want but can’t have. Every hour offers opportunities to practice.

Instead of going through the day resisting—I shouldn’t have that cake, it’s not right to find that woman attractive, I can’t afford that house—you go through the day allowing the desire to flow but shifting the emphasis away from the object and back to the feeling itself.

Step by step, it goes something like this:

Step one: Immerse yourself in the object of your desire. Bring your full attention to whatever it is that’s stimulating your desire. Let it fully absorb your focus, and allow any other internal voices or resistances to fade away if you can.

Step two: Breathe it in. Breathe in the beauty, joy, vitality, or whatever it is that’s attracting you. Imagine that you’re absorbing it through the pores of your skin.

Step three: Spread the bliss. When you’ve really got a good vibe going, use your breath to spread the feeling through the body from wherever it is you’re feeling it most. Breathe in and draw the feeling up through the body as far as you can, spreading it further with each breath. If the feeling starts to slip, just refocus on the original catalyst.

Step four: Say thank you! When you’re ready to move on, don’t forget to silently give thanks to whatever it was that inspired you to remember how good life can feel. Then, release it from your attention.

Congratulations! You have now tuned your vibrational dial closer to the frequency of vitality and joy. And all it took was a few moments, some self-discipline and a willingness to try.

When you get the hang of it, you also start to build up your own internal mood board. The huge selection of sights, sounds and smells that surround us every day give ample scope to store up memories of things we want and like.

Then, on the days when everything just seems more gray and flat than usual, we can revisit our easy-to-carry, internal, mood board and pull out a memory to work with. Instead of watching it outside of ourselves this time, though, we replay it inside.

We use it as a meditation tool—remembering how good it felt when we first experienced it, and then following the same steps as above to rekindle our inner flame and increase our sense of connection with life.

So, how many opportunities can you find today to fire up your desire, increase your vitality and get creative with your personal mood board?

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Ed: Bryonie Wise

(Source: Freya on Pinterest)

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Freya Watson

How we ground our heart-felt truths into the everyday experience of relationships, work and family is the foundation for a lot of my work. Finding our ‘truth’ is a challenge in itself, but living it day to day is an even bigger challenge.

My books are available on Amazon and you can also find me on Facebook and read more on my blog.

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anonymous Mar 3, 2014 1:05pm

Freya, I love your writing. Grateful for your voice in the world. Thank you for using it so beautifully.

anonymous Feb 1, 2014 8:41pm

I’m not sure how many guys read this blog, but I can tell you that it is one of, if not the best way of me getting in touch with my inner feminine.

This article is absolutely brilliant. Desire IS good, and IS normal, and I like that your opinion embraces our desires and turns them into something that can inspire and motivate us.

Thank you for sharing this with us!

anonymous Jan 5, 2014 11:45am

wonderful, you put into words what I had been practicing and feeling for the past few days, wonderful to realise that I'm finally getting it! It makes more sense than ever

anonymous Jan 5, 2014 8:06am

The sacred path of Tantra is in every thing not only people or objects but in circumstances and is a continues process of enriching your life. Even what we called problems become a lesson to enjoy and to experience the pleasure of it ! When I discover what Tantra can bring to our the daily life, everything about it got transform in the same state of mind in which your are yourself.
Mental, physical and energetically, body and mind are transformed just by the pure fact of being in a Tantric perspective.

Thank you for posting and let the people be aware of what Tantra is… There is always a battle to create this tantric awareness!!

anonymous Sep 1, 2013 7:47pm

This is so beautiful what you have written. Its what I have been feeling and thinking about, but haven’t been able to put into words. It really helps me put a more positive perpective in what I have been experiencing. Thank you!!

anonymous Aug 30, 2013 8:50pm

great article. thank you.

anonymous Aug 30, 2013 7:19am

A-ha! I was just trying to describe this energy to the people in my life earlier this week. I wasn’t getting blanks looks exactly, but I also wasn’t getting much feedback on HOW to utilize it either (which was what I was really searching for). Thank you for laying it out so clearly – I’ll be delighted to learn more and start weaving this into my practices.

anonymous Aug 29, 2013 2:27pm

Completely, unhesitatingly beautiful description. If only we taught our children this from the get go.

anonymous Aug 29, 2013 1:31pm

This is wonderful! I never realized it, but I think I've done this at times, when observing Nature. Thank you!

anonymous Jun 16, 2013 2:42am

I came to the same "conclusions" just a few days ago, that the desires we have should not be a source of shame or stress, but a way to tap into the abundance of life force and love we have in our very own being. It was so tormenting for me for years to desire many different men, while still in a long term relationship. I thought there was something wrong with me, that I was bad and driven by animalistic needs instead of my soul or higher self, or whatever you want to call it. So I turned on myself, suffoceted this part of me that holds the lust for life. I got depressed, started to feel like I was rapidly aging, exchausted and hopeless all the time. I didn't however see that my situation had anything to do with my repressig this part of me. Only a few days ago it hit me. I was treated by a wonderful physiotherapist, and as he used his wonderful hands to heal the rigidness in my upper body, the desire came rushing through my body from my lower chacras and my heart opened up with gratitude. Within a couple of days it dawned on me, that I had taken this selfdestructive path because of a misunderstanding. The simple misunderstanding that all desires should be fullfilled by attaining the object of desire, when actually the objects are wonderful helpers in tapping into our beings boundless resources of love, energy and health. That all of these things are whitin us, not given to us by something outside of ourselves. There is nothign wrong with desire of lust, insted it is a divine gift! And now I stumbled upon your article and found it affirming what I had realized. Thank you so much for that!

    anonymous Aug 30, 2013 1:31am

    Suvi, thank you! I hadn't realized the article was still attracting readership and I'm only catching up now on the most recent comments so apologies for not responding sooner. Your comments are beautiful and heart-wrenching. I can feel your openness through your words. And what a gift to have found such an intuitive physiotherapist! It is such a fascinating journey, trying to balance how we allow this energy to flow through us and how/why/where we decide to share it with others. Much love, Freya.

anonymous Mar 25, 2013 6:47am

Love this… and love the idea of expanding my awareness and desire. I too often focus on the external.

anonymous Mar 16, 2013 8:12pm

I so enjoyed reading this and your words are beautiful. You answered my curiosity about the pure nature of tantra. I would love to read the original as well! Or if you have good reading suggestions send them my way!

    anonymous Mar 17, 2013 4:25am

    Hi Maria, thank you! If you email me separately, I'll send you on some suggestions that you could look into. x

anonymous Mar 16, 2013 12:08pm

So much of it has to do with a foundation of deep "self love". I loved your article and practiced it this very morning. Namaste.

    anonymous Mar 16, 2013 2:20pm

    Hi Carmen, yes it's a deep subject and there's so much more that could be said. The challenge of writing a short article is to try to capture some of the energy of the practice – I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for taking the time to comment. Namaste.

anonymous Mar 16, 2013 5:04am

very cool Freya 🙂

anonymous Mar 15, 2013 8:35pm

I am so grateful for this article because I it made it easier for me to enjoy my desire and spread the beautiful energy throughout my body. Thank you thank you thank you!

    anonymous Mar 16, 2013 3:38am

    You're so welcome! It can be a difficult thing to express in words – I'm glad the words got through.

anonymous Mar 15, 2013 3:33pm

Hi Kelly, so happy you liked it 🙂

anonymous Mar 13, 2013 7:00am

Thanks Freya! Such a refined expression of Love for Love's sake! <3

anonymous Mar 12, 2013 8:00pm

Pure Genius. Thank for putting it in words so beautifully.

    Freya Watson Mar 13, 2013 3:05am

    Hi, I’m so glad you enjoyed it. The original piece was about twice the length – there is so much more to say on the subject! Much love, Freya.