We Are Not Here to Fix Each Other.

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“If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” ~ E.B. White

Most mornings as I wake up, a large part of my heart longs to save the world, to heal hurts, to fix people where they are broken.

Maybe I’m too sensitive. I think I was absent the day they taught how to do that whole “close your heart off” thing because I don’t seem to be able to do it.

When I was a child, I hated being in crowded places; being near so many people dealing with difficult emotions overwhelmed me. I was much happier curled up with a book or at my ballet classes.

As I got older, I found ways to deal with it, to deal with all of the emotions bouncing around from people, to deal with all of the anger, the sadness, the pain in the world. I drank. Experimented with drugs. And even used simpler things to push it away, to distance myself, to not feel all of the world’s pain. I needed to stop seeing it because the fact that I couldn’t fix it hurt so much.

As I grew up, I sought out careers instinctively that afforded me the opportunity to help others. I taught. Volunteered in an AIDS hospice. Worked with Habitat for Humanity, Oxfam, Foodshare. Used my spare time from my jobs that paid the bills to do work that made a difference. Yet, it never seemed like enough; that drive to fix things was still there like a permanent ache in my chest.

When my vocation shifted toward health and healing and I entered massage school, I realized something striking and nearly quit. As I would touch people, I’d feel where they were hurting and it took my breath away. I could feel their brokenness stuck in their elbows that wanted to hug tightly to their sides. I could feel the shame in the small of their backs. I could feel the profound sadness stuck in their shoulders, tears that needed to melt away and be shed. I didn’t think I could take it. How could I work on people day in and day out and feel their pain, yet live with the fact that I could never completely fix it?

It’s taken me years to realize this one true thing:

We are not here to fix each other.

Recently, I was giving a friend an impromptu acupressure session. I would get to a spot on each of his arms, and the deep sadness I felt there made me get choked up and want to pull away. At the same time, it made me want to solve it, fix it, tell him why life was beautiful. Tell him not to be so sad. We talked about it, and he acknowledged what I noticed. I fumbled for something to say or do that would make it go away. Seeing someone I care about experience pain ripped me up inside, and I wanted to make it better.

But I couldn’t. I can’t. And more importantly, I shouldn’t. It isn’t for me to do.

We look at the drive to save the world as something noble or heroic, and maybe it is to a certain extent. We look at the idea of Tikkun Olam, or healing the world, and set out on a quest to save the world, but I think we often get it wrong.

I’ve been getting it wrong for years.

If I look at you and see your sadness, I can’t cover it or make it go away. I cannot fix you. There is no magical Utopia where everyone is happy and whole. But that isn’t the end of the story. This is the place where cynics give up hope and decide that all is futile.

But I’m not a cynic. I believe we are hard-wired to care for each other. It’s why we are here:

If there was a place to get to where everyone was happy and whole, we’d stop making art. There would be no music. There would be nothing left to write about. It would be a flat, expressionless existence instead of the one precious life we have.

The struggle is where we find the beauty.

People aren’t problems to solve. It’s not my job to fix anyone, but to love them. The heart can stretch to hold all things—even the difficult things. When it breaks, the point is not to reach out to each other and patch it closed again, but instead to fill each other. We don’t need to pretend each other’s darkness doesn’t exist or push it away.

And so I’m done. I surrender. I’ll say to the world:

I am not a hero; I cannot fix you. I am not strong; I cannot save you. I am weak; I cannot melt the frozen, broken places in you. I am insufficient; I cannot heal your pain. But I have hope, because I can do much more than that.

I can love you.

 

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Kate Bartolotta

Kate Bartolotta is a wellness cheerleader, yogini storyteller, and self-care maven.
She also writes for Huffington Post, Yoga International, Mantra Yoga+ Health, a beauty full mind, The Good Men Project, The Green Divas, The Body Project, Project Eve, Thought Catalog and Soulseeds.
Kate’s books are now available on Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.com.

She is passionate about helping people fall in love with their lives.

You can connect with Kate on Facebook and Instagram.

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anonymous Mar 5, 2016 7:43am

I would never agree with these kind of statements “If there was a place to get to where everyone was happy and whole, we’d stop making art. There would be no music.” may be we can not be whole but we can be happy…and the idea that art is only driven from “sadness” and “being broken” is a very unfair idea toward art itself..to me it is just a way to “ignore” things, and to give a kind of illegibility to negative ways of presence .. a trick to romanticise pain, and make sound “attractive”
still pain is necessary; indispensable; yet it is not the permanent state of being. it shouldn’t and it can’t be because pain is accidental not eternal; you should research about the pain body

anonymous Apr 20, 2015 9:11pm

Beautiful post. So poignant. Really echoes my sentiments deeply. I was just thinking about this earlier today. Thanks so much.

anonymous Apr 20, 2015 8:31pm

Thank you very much! For the most part, this sounded like a bio of my life… You are an amazing soul!

anonymous Apr 1, 2015 10:49pm

Thank you for this. Wonderfully written. Saw the date it was posted, and extra points for it falling on my 30th birthday. Only wish I’d read it then; but definitely glad I read it now.

anonymous Apr 1, 2015 4:07pm

Being present, being there, being witnessed – that's alot. awarness heals. Feeling it heals. Listening to it heals. Acknowledgement, acceptance, embracement = way to go.

anonymous Apr 1, 2015 6:56am

Your words touched my heart. I too feel the pain and sadness of others. I see it in their eyes, even though, at times, their words say differently. I believe we who can immerse ourselves in another’s pain have been given a gift. People in pain are drawn to us, because we show our arms as wide open. However, you are so right in that we must realize we can be present, we can give the gift of our time, attention, compassion and love. But to attempt to fix those who share their pain with us can cause us pain when we fail to do so. We must let go of this expectation to sstay positive and hopeful in our own lives. Exude love and hope each time, then let them go to fly on their own knowing that we’d given them as much of our hearts as we could, while keeping a necessary part for ourselves.

anonymous Jan 27, 2015 8:22pm

Kate’s views are profound. They do make sense. How can anyone realistically fix the brokenness of another? Then again, how can we not? It’s easier to swallow that truth (not being here to heal) because it offers relief to all of the chaos we know that we cannot mend…but everyday, in small little ways, I feel that we do posses that power. To either harm…or heal. To reach out, or deny. The tough part is choosing which direction to lead and deciding how we can make that beautiful difference without overwhelming our natural abilities.

anonymous Sep 13, 2014 9:45pm

No were not, and, not here to take shit from anyone either, if someone initiates violence, they need to be stopped, and who ever is on the receiving should be the first to try to stop it #nuances

anonymous Aug 12, 2014 6:52pm

crying…thank you! perfect.

anonymous Jul 22, 2014 9:00am

Oh, wow I really really really love this – thank you!

anonymous Jul 7, 2014 8:56pm

wow you just told my story. thank you. I just recently realized this myself. Thank you sister

anonymous Jul 1, 2014 6:58am

I am speechless Kate. I think reading your article has simply shown me a mirror to my inner self because I had always wondered in my life (even before embarking on yoga, meditation or spiritual quest) that why I have to be so sensitive and why I love so many people and it wasn't easy either because in order to love, one has to let go of ego and so many other issues. Loving is not easy but if you can learn or acquire (some people are born with it) the ability to simply love follow human beings, nothing like it, its meditatively phenomenal. One Love for all.

anonymous Jun 30, 2014 6:56pm

Oh, YES!! Thank you so much for writing this. xo

anonymous Jun 29, 2014 2:17pm

Love, what a beautiful way to explain Tikkun Olam!!

    anonymous Mar 6, 2015 7:17pm

    I no longer resist my urge to heal others and feel their sadness. If I’m compelled to do so and it is my life purpose then who am I to resist my instincts? I have found immense spiritual fulfillment in helping others, but not solving their problems for them, oh no. My method of assistance is that of love and you are right in the sense that it comes from within, but it is a gift meant to be shared. It is the essence of massage therapy, of which I hope to practice many years of as well, seamlessly breaking the comfort barrier with strangers through my loving touch and proportional closeness to every person I shall ever lay hands on

anonymous Jun 29, 2014 11:18am

This may be my favorite thing to ever read on elephant journal. Thank you.

anonymous Jun 29, 2014 10:45am

That just blew me away. I m dealing with the need to “fix” people as well. Reading this changed something deep inside me. Thank you very, very much!

anonymous May 1, 2014 6:49am

I really needed to read this today. thank you

anonymous Jan 3, 2014 4:17pm

You are amazing in far too many ways to count. Thank you for this.

anonymous Jan 3, 2014 4:00am

Wonderful just so apt

anonymous Jan 2, 2014 9:34pm

beautiful. so very beautiful.

anonymous Jan 2, 2014 3:17pm

My beautiful soul! By letting go of your fears for the world, you got the solution! You can change the world, by being a beckon of light, radiating LOVE to people you come across, helping them find the path out of darkness! Don't ever give up hope, he's your ally. There as been numerous prophets and everyday people that have been preparing the table. Soon, we all will get to feast! Another reason why you can't give up is, theses people you are helping – THEY ARE YOU! You wouldn't give up on yourself would you? Everything is one! Try to always remember that last statement. LOVE x

anonymous Jan 2, 2014 2:11pm

My beautiful soul! By letting go of your fears for the world, you got the solution! You can change the world, by being a beckon of light, radiating LOVE to people you come across, helping them find the path out of darkness! Don't ever give up hope, he's your ally. There as been numerous prophets and everyday people that have been preparing the table. Soon, we all will get to feast! Another reason why you can't give up is, theses people you are helping – THEY ARE YOU! You wouldn't give up on yourself would you? Everything is one! Try to always remember that last statement. LOVE x

anonymous Jan 1, 2014 12:20pm

I cannot tell you how deeply this resonated with me. I have found only one other person who does massage therapy who has experience wHat you described other than myself.

I am now a marriage and family therapist and the same lesson holds true there. I am NOT here to fix others even though that is often what people seeK when they come in the door. I may guide and I may shine a flashlight in dark places and the light places that have been hidden. I see my job as filling the room with my empathy and letting the person take what they need. One does need to learn how to protect oneself to avoid getting drained and take on the emotions of the other.

Valuable life lessons that you speak of for those of us you are very in touch with our empathy. I appreciate it so much!

anonymous Jan 1, 2014 6:21am

Beautiful and wise piece!

anonymous Jan 1, 2014 5:32am

Great article, Kate. Can relate. I think the trick is learning to take better care of yourself so that you have the energy for others. We may not be here to fix others, but we are here to help others, I think. Warmly.

anonymous Jan 1, 2014 3:07am

Simply wonderful. Thank you.

anonymous Dec 31, 2013 9:40pm

Planting dandelions? The love child of a pirate and a roller derby queen? You are the coolest person I have never met. I'm your belly dancing mermaid massage therapist sister living on a boat in Bermuda that you can't wait to meet! And this was the message I needed to hear after all these years as a therapist. And nothing feels as good as letting go of the responsibility to fix everyone. Wow, I am so free right now.

    Kate Bartolotta Apr 30, 2014 2:33pm

    Thanks so much, Gwendolyn! If I am in Bermuda, I will look you up. 🙂

anonymous Oct 10, 2013 4:09pm

Los articulos me gustaron algo mas todo hay que decirlo Animo!

anonymous Oct 2, 2013 5:11pm

thank you for this. I usually don't comment on post. But I've been seeing someone to help with this sadness i have inside of me. A sadness of which I would love to know the origin. To fix it maybe. But I consider myself an artist…and you are right; the same world that brings me such ups and downs is the same that inspires what I want to share with it.

anonymous Sep 27, 2013 3:55am

Kate, absolutely! As someone who has done a journey of shamanic work, I've had to find a way of reconciling the 'everything is fine as it is' with the 'I'm here to help'. It has led me into deep parts of my own soul, and to exploring what has been motivating me to want to support others on their journey. Some of that motivation was from my own need to heal, but large measure of it was that genuine love of watching another being uplifted. The difficult thing was accepting that you can really only 'help' another when they want to be helped – and some people aren't ready when we might want them to be. It's the old 'you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink'. Everyone has their own unique path to walk in life and my own firm belief at this stage is that the best any of us can do to help others is to do what we love ourselves, to find our own inner light and happiness, and to allow that to radiate outwards as inspiration and even practical help (if that's our calling). As you say, we can love each-other!

anonymous Sep 26, 2013 2:20pm

Loved this – so deep and true, although I do think you and lot's of us artists DO take a part in healing, or showing people the truth about themselves and other things. I think to be sensitive like this is a gift lo's of artists recieve, and we have to learn to protect us – but also it s kind of a vocation. I would agree to say this: we cannot solve the problems, but perhaps we can help People bear their pain. I'm deeply touched by your site, intention and writing! I just discovered this and don't know about your personal beliefs. So I hope I don't offend you by saying I believe that we are gifted from God to take our places to help others, to love them, but we should know that it is never our goal to save them – beause only God can do this. This takes pressure from us and doesn't take the focus from our main mission that you described so beautifully: to love. and make God's love visible and touchable. Thanks for this inspirational and personal piece! (and sorry for typos or anything; my english is not perfect as I am Swiss 🙂 ).

anonymous Sep 15, 2013 11:30am

Wonderful thank you!

anonymous Sep 2, 2013 7:23am

I loved this post. It resonates deeply with me as i grew up and lived most of my life so far being too sensitive for my own happiness – although now at 59, I wouldn't trade any of who I am for the world. Like you, I have learned that powerful lesson: it is not our job to fix another. As you so eloquently said, we can love and honor those who suffer which is an amazing gift…we can support them on their path, and they can love, honor, and support us when we suffer. Anyone who has ever been in great emotional pain and experienced being told how to deal with it, "fix it", even from the most well-intended heart, will also know the disempowerment that such 'intervention' engenders. We must all let go of attachment to a certain outcome in order to love purely and unconditionally. Thank you for your lovely writing and for sharing your epiphany in such a beautiful way!

anonymous Aug 31, 2013 1:09pm

Amen.

anonymous Aug 31, 2013 7:49am

Working with Archeselves – the collective voices of humanity http://oragavrielyenglish.wordpress.com/
http://www.voice-dialogue-berlin.de/VD/Veranstalt

anonymous Aug 31, 2013 3:52am

Thank you for this post! Truly beautiful! 🙂

anonymous Aug 31, 2013 1:46am

Fantastic.

anonymous Aug 31, 2013 1:01am

Thank you! This is such an important lesson to be learned in life. My friend helped me realize this when he experienced his first breakup. At first I was going out of my mind trying to keep him from sadness, then I realized in that moment that all of our emotions are very important. We cannot be happy if we don't experience sadness. We were out at a sandwich shop and I remember being happy despite his sadness. (When usually it tore me up inside to see anyone unhappy) And he asked what I was smiling about. I told him that I was just so happy to sit with his sadness. To be with him during such a vulnerable moment. That it allowed us to grow closer together and that made me happy. That we were growing together.

anonymous Jun 9, 2013 10:09pm

Perfect timing for me as I struggle to understand the whys that I cannot after a soul-crushing breakup.
If a partner needs fixing, but wants to fix you and gives up, it is not sadness that should prevail.
It just means that more love was needed.
Love more.
We don't need to fix.
All I gave back was love.
All he wanted to do was fix through criticisms and withholding love.
But love, gentle, true, sweet, unconditional love was the only necessity.
If it got obscured in the "fixing", I cannot keep trying to understand why.
And there is some small comfort tonight after reading your wise words, Kate.
So many thanks.

anonymous Jun 9, 2013 11:32am

one of the most beautiful things I've ever read!

anonymous Jun 9, 2013 10:36am

Thanks for such a touching post!

anonymous Apr 24, 2013 2:03pm

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anonymous Apr 24, 2013 1:57pm

[…] from depression) sent me. Very insightful, and really helped me feel at ease with being with her. We Are Not Here to Fix Each Other. | elephant journal Also the reason why we divided to back things up to FWB: I can't see myself being with her for the […]

anonymous Apr 22, 2013 8:04am

Years ago during a very stressful phase of life while living in Shanghai, my doctor recommended I go for counseling to get a handle on my depression. There was only one therapist in town who worked with expatriates and I made an appointment. Roya spoke with a heavy Spanish accent, she was a bit overweight and had big hair but she put me at ease immediately. About 15 minutes into our first hour together we started getting into the heart of my issues and I notices tears were already streaming down Royas cheeks. This happened every session we had together. She said it happened to her with all of her patients, she felt so sad for her patients and all the suffering they had to go through.

Her crying for her patients somehow made it easier for us to get in touch with and talk about our own pain and frustration. She never really told me what to do but instead just got me in touch with that soft, painful part, made me aware of it and suggested some exercises I could do to shield myself from being overwhelmed by these feelings. How I came to terms with them was up to me. Somehow, watching her cry each time we were together made me realize that the pain was not something to run away from because her life's work was about approaching that painful area and taking her patients to look at it and to just let it be. She felt frustrated that she could not help more people, especially people from the more emotionally repressive asian cultures.

I would say that Roya helped me. She helped me by being there and creating the space for me to be with my pain and emotion and to have the feelings of heaviness come out. These feelings became normal, a part of myself that I share with humanity. In me, it also acted as a call to action to better deal with suffering. Now I stay in touch with it, noting its intensity and being with it, no longer running away. I'm also less afraid of these feelings in others. I don't try to help others, but I have more empathy for their suffering and I can 'hang' with it. I don't usually cry but I feel good when others can cry in front of me.

anonymous Apr 21, 2013 9:31pm

Kate, you are such a kindred spirit. Just love this!!

anonymous Apr 3, 2013 8:37am

From one sensitive spirit to another, thank youuuuu <3 This evoked so much emotion, clenched my heart and tugged at my emotions until I finally reached the last statement, and felt such beautiful release. Beautiful & heartfelt, and so comforting to know there are other sensitive hearts out there just like mine. Sometimes I think I'm too sensitive, which makes me feel vulnerable, but you can't help others with hardness. It takes a soft, accessible heart to truly make a difference. You are beautiful, inspiring, & I encourage you to keep that softness, keep that willingness to lover others, especially those that need it the most – because that's what this world needs. People like you 🙂 xo

anonymous Apr 2, 2013 7:37pm

I love your writing and way of describing that which is heartfelt and real.

anonymous Apr 2, 2013 7:34pm

Attachment and thinking we have control of others is always a slippery slope. I love this. Thank you.

anonymous Mar 19, 2013 8:58pm

It’s good to see this written, though I believe that we practice Tikkun Olam with every compassionate action we take. I was taught that it is Not Me but Spirit which is doing the Healing, and that I must “Get Out of the Way.” I must be very diligent in Not Taking On the pain of those I touch – which can transfer immediately if one is Sensitive. I was told to be like “a hollow bone” in letting this energy Pass Through. Otherwise, it’s like breaking the circuit – touching a Live Wire. I help clients to “Breathe it Out, Let it Go, Give it to the Earth” – because it is energy we can’t use, but can Gift/re-direct to the Earth – which holds no connotations re ‘types’ of energy – i.e. pain or negativity. If I gently but clearly tell clients, “Don’t Give it to ME” – they become Conscious of not directing it Into Me, and learn How to direct it or ‘let it go’ – and can then do so even when I’m not there to help. This took 30 years to learn. Perhaps it will be helpful to you. Clearly your clients are Blessed by your Care and Compassion! ~

anonymous Mar 18, 2013 11:01am

Wow, Kate! Triple axel! Perfect 10! Out of the ballpark! You are a High Priestess of Love. I bow to you. TY:):):)

anonymous Mar 18, 2013 6:26am

Beautiful post! I am a yoga teacher and thai massage therapist and the most important thing for me to remember each and every day is that I am only there to hold space, so that people can do their own healing. It is not my job to try and fix anything.
But I can love like nobody's business. and I do. Blessings to you tender one.

anonymous Mar 9, 2013 8:09pm

Dear Kate, thank you so much for your beautiful words. I recently lost my dad, and my mom is ill and very sad. I said to her several times: I'm not super, I cannot do magic, but I'm here, I am with you, by your side. Thank you for put into words what I'm feeling these days.

    Kate Bartolotta Mar 10, 2013 7:58pm

    So, so sorry for your losses! Much love and peace to your family.

anonymous Mar 9, 2013 3:54pm

[…] it becomes more effortless to honestly examine our actions, words and thoughts, as well as our relationships with ourselves and others. By shedding the light of awareness on our conscious or unconscious intentions, allowing ourselves […]

anonymous Mar 8, 2013 10:04am

Beautifully stated. My friends and I have spoken about this many times. We agree that we are not here to fix anyone; we can, however, hold space (a space/place of love) for people to transition through pain and hurt and growth.

anonymous Mar 8, 2013 7:29am

[…] We Are Not Here to Fix Each Other. (elephantjournal.com) […]

anonymous Mar 8, 2013 6:46am

Every day I think about how I'd love to make changes to the world. I guess the small things can make a difference.

anonymous Mar 7, 2013 5:33pm

we should not sacrifice ourselves to help those who cannot be helped, but when we love someone and they truly love us we should do all in our power to respect and preserve this love as much as possible.

anonymous Mar 7, 2013 9:24am

I often think that yoga has ruined my life because in many ways it's made me too senstive to cope. Thank you.

anonymous Mar 7, 2013 6:03am

We heal the world, by healing ourselves.
(My Opinion 😉

If we are alive today, it is because we did not learn this lesson the last time we were here;

We didn't love ourselves completely and became consumed by the suffering of the world.

The pain and brokenness we feel from another, is our own. This is our work, to recognize this
and turn to our own hearts.

As I believe, we are only able to love another as much as we love ourselves.

We come back to this life, to try again: to love ourselves completely, is to repair the world.
When we love ourselves completely, we heal into peace.

We are here to heal the world through our self love.
No fixing, just loving.
Loving is Healing—Transformation or as it is called,

Tikkun Olam.

Beautiful Kate.
Love, Rebecca

    Kate Bartolotta Mar 10, 2013 7:58pm

    Beautiful, Rebecca. Thank you!

    anonymous Apr 1, 2015 4:41pm

    What a powerful and kind response.

anonymous Mar 6, 2013 10:19pm

[…] learnt a long time ago that pretending that everything was perfect when it wasn’t wouldn’t serve […]

anonymous Mar 6, 2013 3:54pm

Amazing! Sending you some love too for all the healing in your heart.

anonymous Mar 6, 2013 3:53pm

I disagree with the initial premise, that we are not here to fix each-other. I would say we are here to fix those who seek the assistance.

    Kate Bartolotta Mar 6, 2013 8:09pm

    Well, I've honestly come to believe that a big part of that notion is rooted in ego, if not arrogance. If I really love someone, or more generally, love people, why not just love them as they are? Why do I think I should be able to do anything beyond just sharing my love with them to improve things? A friend suggested (and I like this idea) that what we can do is help create favorable conditions for the world to save itself.

    Thanks for your thoughts!

      anonymous Aug 16, 2015 1:45am

      Yes, of course, this makes sense. I've spent my life trying to 'fix' people when I should be loving them as they are. That's all I can do. I understand that now.
      I lost my cousin to suicide 6 weeks ago. I tried to help her through her darkness and pain, but she died anyway. I felt terrible guilt that I'd not done enough to save her.
      When I told another friend, about the anguish that I felt, he said that my cousin would have known that I cared. He said that I couldn't do anymore than that. After reading this article, I understand that now.
      Thank-you for a wonderful article.

    anonymous Jun 9, 2013 2:14pm

    Moreso we can direct them to how they can help themselves. That is not necessarily us fixing them but them providing them tools or therapies so that they can heal or improve skills for living.

anonymous Mar 6, 2013 3:18pm

So, so good. Thank you, Kate!

anonymous Mar 6, 2013 3:07pm

I feel like hugging and kissing you right now!

anonymous Mar 6, 2013 3:02pm

Simply stunning. And true.

anonymous Mar 6, 2013 2:03pm

Just a big WOW. That's an amazing and beautifully written article sharing a truth we so all need to hear and learn. Well done Kate.

anonymous Mar 6, 2013 1:39pm

….aaand a heavy weight is lifted! Thankyou for the reminder that I can't fix everyone and everything, and especially that it's not my job! Love.

anonymous Mar 6, 2013 1:30pm

Thank you for sharing, this is really beautiful and thought provoking!

Rebecca Gliserman Aug 3, 2018 12:23am

Oh I really needed to hear this. Thank you.

Priscilla Solís Del Valle Jul 8, 2018 2:00am

Cada vez que cambio mi perspectiva y forma de actuar ante determinadas situaciones me encuentro con este tipo de expresiones de personas que hacen que me de cuenta que no estoy sola. Me siento más fuerte. Gracias!

Cognitive Behavioral Teamwork May 31, 2018 6:08pm

Did we miss out on Yoga Chittavritti Nirodha?

Cognitive Behavioral Teamwork May 31, 2018 6:05pm

Get your EGO and the Karpman Drama Triangle out of the way -- there are simple methods, but they are not obvious and take time and practice -- and you may be AMAZED at what you can accomplish. Oh as in most if not all psychspiritual endeavors, the best results come from RELINQUISHING the desire for results. PS>> Compassion is good, but this "empath" stuff is questionable.

Don Alli Nov 2, 2017 3:51am

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Sarah Emily Hazlett Oct 15, 2017 5:11am

I love this so much thanks for sharing!

Kelly Matthews Oct 12, 2017 8:38pm

I agree with some of this. However I would say I am strong, I am sufficient, I am not weak and I am my own hero. If someone wants assistance I will be there, but ultimately they have to do the work if they want healing. I don't look at it as fixing, none of us is truly "broken". we are perfect as we are in this moment.

Sam Abbas Jun 23, 2017 2:05am

I needed to hear this, I really did. Bless you deary! �

Jane Roberts Apr 22, 2017 11:41am

I'm still on your site and wish to be taken off thanks

Zeki Salim Apr 20, 2017 11:12am

We hope that the governments of the so-called developed countries, especially Europe and America, will let the peoples decide their own destiny, not the bloodshed through war and strife. People are more civilized than the people of the developed countries, most of whom have civilizations spanning 5000 years BC! Sumerian civilization in Mesopotamia (Iraq now) is the first to invent writing, wheel, electricity and space. Now the Iraqis are engaged in a fierce war with the so-called ISIS, which is an American-Israeli army to destroy the Middle East and the world.

LC Studebaker Mar 11, 2017 7:33pm

Krystof, your reply "the universe has no choice but to give what you're asking for" was an incredibly intelligent reply.

Olga Melnyk Jan 22, 2017 3:27pm

I stumbled across this article a few months ago and from time to time I just feel the need to read it and remind myself of the incredible truths it opened to me when I first read it. Thank you very much for putting into such beautiful words what I was alrrady feeling and making me feel more inspired and less alone.

Lynette B. Packer Jan 7, 2017 10:55am

Nailed it!

Wendy Wagoner Miniard Dec 7, 2016 12:58pm

This is beautiful wring. Job well done!

Daniel Eder Nov 18, 2016 2:57pm

Since i feel the same emotions like he does i can relate to it but i highly disagree. We are here because we are supposed to be there at that time. If he cant deal with the emotions its because he hasnt reached a certain "level" yet. He takes them personally. Additionally he hasnt found the technique to really help them yet. To heal people you have to drop your own ideas and thoughts so you can channel your higher self. To cope out and just say we are not supposed to heal each other is pure bullshit. I help people even if it hurts me because there is no real self which can be hurt other than the ego.

Nora Tavalieri Nov 17, 2016 8:47pm

Thank you Kate. I too seem to be always trying to help others when it is me who is broken. I've finally accepted this is what I am and sometimes it just doesn't hurt as much as it used to.

Shannon Michelle Nov 6, 2016 2:49am

Thank. You. Amazing and eyeopening.

Jennifer Kastelic Nov 4, 2016 5:53pm

I came to feel earlier this year that, when people come for healing work THEY are already healing THEMSELVES and the healthworker is just helping the patient keep the energy open and flowing.

Tracy Doyle Nov 4, 2016 5:32pm

Beautiful!

Stephen Fraser Nov 4, 2016 4:27pm

A wise and beautiful article. As a therapist, now retired, I eventually arrived at the same awareness. While we are not here to fix each other, we can accompany another on part of their journey by baring witness when they invite us to join them. It has been my great privilege to do so for many years and it has enriched my life in the process.

Petra Vorlova Oct 22, 2016 7:37am

So confortable for my heart to know...that there are a lot of soulmates all around the world. Thank you for the article dear Kate

Krystof Bober Jun 27, 2016 4:03pm

It is really sad to see ppl so stuck on this idea of needing pain and suffering in order grow. Your need n believe in this programing is creating the drama u r observing coz the universe has no choice but to give what you asking for. Just think about it

Roberto R Leyva Apr 29, 2016 12:58am

I have arrived at the same conclusion. Sometimes people don't want to be fixed while they're broken, there are those who embrace being broken. As an empath, I have, too.. I decided to respect and let live while being openly about others.

Mike Blackford Apr 28, 2016 3:51am

Outf*ckingstanding!!