April 26, 2013

Body Orgasmic: 7 Ways to Great Sex.

Yoga practice helps us feel better in body, mind and spirit but what if it also offered access to a deep, blissful, connected state through sex?

There are millions of women practicing yoga around the globe. We stretch, sweat and strengthen ourselves so we may be more radiant, powerful and beautiful on and off the yoga mat. Women have embraced Yoga as an empowerment tool (and I salute our male yogis too) but there is one final area yet to be embraced—our sexuality and our power as sexual beings.

Yoga may have changed your life in a myriad of ways but has it changed your sex life? The time is ripe to extend our practice from body beautiful to body orgasmic—great yoga on the mat leads to great joy on the mattress.

This article is not intended to be a dissertation on the power of sexuality but rather a joyful offering of how your yoga practice can help you experience ananda (bliss) through sex.

7. Know me, know my body.

Yoga increases your awareness of your body. You begin to know your body in new and wonderful ways which means you can know what is nourishing, strengthening and affirming for your body on the mat and on the mattress.

I remember a friend in university telling me she had no sense of where her body was most of the time and during sex she felt like a disconnected head.  Needless to say her level of body connection and therefore pleasure was non-existent. A relationship with your body is one of the most important steps to great sex.

The next time you are in Triangle Pose, ask yourself where your body really is in space. Notice exactly what feels good and what feels uncomfortable. Begin to know your body deeply so it may tell you what you truly need to feel fabulous.

6. The gateway drug.

Which brings us to a deep truth—great yoga and great sex is not just about technique but about a deep connection to presence. Presence can be described as that radiant life force or Divine power within us.

Remember a time you felt so alive in your practice; your body was a gateway to calm, beauty, sensuality and the Divinity within you. Your body is your tool for awakening. Embrace it. I guarantee this gateway will be one of the most euphoric drugs available to you—your own body.

5. Slow down baby.

Speaking of presence, yoga contributes to great sex because it teaches us to slow down. When we are rushing through our life, our practice and foreplay all with a sense of urgency to get it done we miss the deeper radiance within us as well an opportunity to make a deep connection with our self and our partner.

The average love making session is less than seven minutes. I take longer to drink a cup of coffee!

What’s the rush? Perhaps it’s our addiction to “busy.” Remember you created your to-do list so you can decide what’s on it. Would you rather be busy or “get busy” with your lover? Perhaps joy, celebration and connection could be at the top of your list as you slow down and embrace joy.

4. Getting my sexy back.

Within a year of starting yoga I went from a size 14 to a size 6 and felt sexier than ever before. I am not suggesting in anyway that body size should indicate how women feel about themselves. I know size 20+ women who are some of the sexiest women on the planet. Self-deprivation, eating disorders and feeling worthless because we aren’t toothpicks is not what it’s about.

Skinny does not equate to sexy. However, all women know that when you don’t feel attractive you don’t feel turned on. Yoga helps balance our weight, our hormones and the way we feel about ourselves.

Now at a happy size eight I am not the skinniest woman in the room, nor do I need to be. I embrace my curves and feel confident in my skin which allows me to be confident and embracing in the bedroom as well.

3. Shameless.

Although we have come a long way baby we still carry a lot of shame about our bodies and sexuality. I think of myself as a free, alive and radiant woman but still remember a university party and the guy who called me a “slut” because I would not sleep with him, but had slept with his friend. I know this is a clear example of jerk-dom combined with a ridiculous premise but I also still feel the remnants of the shame of this experience.

Liking sex and wanting it for myself and not as a servant to men’s desires made me a “slut” in his eyes and made me question myself.

Women who are overt sexual beings in our society are often seen as “whores” so we lock our sexuality away to fit the good girl or virgin archetype. This compartmentalizing is not only extremely damaging as we deny ourselves, but also why we struggle as a culture for holism on our planet today.

Yoga is a tool that reminds us that all truly is one. We are the radiant sexual Goddess and the innocent girl. We do not need to sacrifice any part of our self or feel shameful as all is beautiful in the eyes of the Divine.

As I freed up my shame about my robust sexuality I felt a new confidence grow in myself. This allowed me to feel more fearless and therefore less protective and defensive, which in turn opened up a new depth of intimacy and joy in my relationship with my husband, which meant even better sex.

2. Saying yes to joy.

In ancient Yoga philosophy, kama, defined as pleasure, joy and desire was a high principle. It was one of the four highest goals of life along with service. As humanity embraced a punishing God and viewed life as suffering and the body as dirty, we moved away from the philosophy of life as a gift and saw detachment, self-denial and suffering as holy.

Tantric teachings remind us that we are here to experience joy in this life and in this body. Even current neuroscience confirms that the human brain is wired for connection, freedom and celebration. Your right hemisphere is all about the party—joy is your natural state! Yoga helps us experience and remember our joy.

Remember the euphoria you experienced after a great Yoga class? You were glowing with possibility and all was beautiful in the world. Your heart was open and you could not stop smiling. Stepping into our joy is one of the most powerful tools of healing available on this planet today.

Sex can also be a great source of joy if we embrace it as such. Part of this is letting go of our shame, fear and denial but also to see ourselves, our bodies and our union with another as a source of what we are here to experience—joy! So next time you say yes to sex, think of it as a way to say yes to kama.

1. I bow to you gorgeous one.

Yoga reminds us to honor each other. When we bow and offer a Namaste we are literally bowing to the Divine in each other. Our sexual union can also be a way of honoring the Divine in our selves and our partner. How do you honor your partner? How do you think about your lover? Do you seek the Divine within them?

I have been married for nearly 10 years and I still have amazing sex and yes, with my husband. Not only am I still in love with my husband, I am also extremely attracted to him. Why did this attraction last? Well, I look for things to appreciate, to love and to honor. I purposefully choose to get turned on about him rather than to think about the things that annoy me. Moreover I honor the Divine in him and seek to affirm it in and out of the bedroom. I see him as the Divine in gorgeous form.

In Yoga philosophy our Ishta Devata is the Divine in beloved form. My husband is a powerful living breathing emanation of the Divine to me as I am to him. Who would not want to have sex with a god?

It’s time for us to embrace our sacred sexual current and free ourselves to experience ananda (bliss) on our mat and on our mattress.



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Assistant Editor: Jennifer Townsend/Ed: Kate Bartolotta

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