April 19, 2013

How to Transform Failure into Success.

First off, failing feels like shit.

It is chalked full of disappointments, wake-up calls, reevaluations, and can also exacerbate depression and anxiety. On a personal note, consequence is reacquainting me with all of these things.

In the summer of 2012, I was working a job that was barely paying the bills. I was unhappy and I knew I needed a change. But, I hesitated. I weighed my options. And I got shit-canned, fired, let-go, terminated and blown away.

At the time, it was devastating. I was angry and I was investing my energy into vindication. I felt lost for about two weeks. I applied for unemployment and got assistance for about three months. Then I began the process of opening a private practice where I intended to focus on individuals struggling with the decision to divorce.

I chose the focus of my business because I am well acquainted with challenging transitions. When I was growing up, my family moved on a regular basis. My father died when I was 20 and my mother died when I was 27. I’ve broken up with cheating boyfriends, reunited with good friends only to drift apart again, and have lost touch with hope along the way.

If you assemble all my successes and all my failures into a book the title would be, My Life is Based on a True Story (actual book pending). Currently, I would rather my life be based on an ideal story; one where I am living on the California coast and making a six figure income as a psychic psychotherapist and author. Also, all three of my books would be published and on the New York Times best seller list.

That being said, my failures have taught me that dreams stop being ideals and start coming true if these steps are taken:

1. Believe:

Believing is about trusting yourself. It is about knowing when to ask for help and asking. It is about sensing when to stop referencing other people’s opinions and start taking action. Let your mind be logical. Allow your heart to be whimsical. Trust your gut feelings. Use your body’s sensations as a compass. And when things don’t turn out the way you had hoped, apply this attitude, “Do the best you can, with what you have, where you are,” and try again.

2. Listen:

One of the hardest decisions in life is this: “Should I try harder or walk away?” Before you do either, take a minute to slow down and listen to what the universe has been saying to you. Do you hate your job? Are you spending your days lamenting? Have you invested most of your free time trying to escape through day dreaming, substance use, entertainment, masturbation or superficial relationships?

How you answer will awaken your true desires because it will distinguish between what you want and what you don’t. Remain focused on what you do want.

All the information you need to move forward will arise if you take a few deep breaths, create space, be gentle with yourself and take an honest inventory of who you are.

3. Make New Choices:

Lessons not learned the first time will be repeated. Meditate on the patterns in your life. I imagine you will find the common denominator is you. Be willing to be flexible. Experiment. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel, but just like a karaoke song, you can make the invention your own. Take time-honored systems, apply them, and make them work for you. Those crazy enough to believe that they can change the world usually do.

4. Find the Flow:

Where your attention goes, your energy flows. You will spend money and time on things you deem important. Define your priorities. Define your goals. Define your values. Then define your path by taking action. The road will rise up to meet you and if it doesn’t, cross reference your definitions with your expectations.

5. Relax:

As the bumper sticker reads, “Don’t take life so seriously. No one gets out alive.” If you are overwhelmed you are working against yourself. Break it down. Have fun. If you start to fear the future, remember, “Fear, like limits, is mostly an illusion.”

Finally, failure and success have everything to do with perspective, perseverance and faith. You make the final call.

Authors Note: Finally, it easy for me to write this optimistic manuscript, to give advice and to offer my opinion because at the end of the day I don’t live with your consequences, I live with my own. And what you do or don’t do impacts me. So, for all of you wishing for a better life, I am doing my best to make my life better so that I can make your life better because I believe we are better together.

Tell me your dreams; I will listen.

 “Don’t give up! It is not over. The universe is balanced. Every set-back bears with it the seeds of a come-back.” ~ Steve Maraboli



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Ed: Brianna Bemel

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