May 26, 2013

6 Reasons Why Farmers Turn Me On. ~ Kristen Hess

Photo: Kristen Hess

Farmers are fucking sexy.

Like you, I grew up watching Disney fairytales. Lasting impressions were etched in my mind as, time and time again, I witnessed a beautiful princess rescued by the man of her dreams destined to live happily ever after.

It didn’t take long for me to dream up a prince charming of my own. I’ve got a mental list going of all the characteristics and qualities I want in a man.

Admit it, you do too.

In the last few years, I’ve realized that my prince charming might just be a farmer—to be quite blunt, farmers turn me on.

Six reasons I can’t resist them:

When I see a farmer, I see someone who is:

1. A provider.

We’re all aware of the biological drive females have; to make babies with someone that can provide for their young-in’s. With the advancement of technology, providing no longer means supplying food and shelter. We also want sparkly things, expensive vacations and higher education for our kiddos. But with the threat of climate change and a failing food system, basic self-reliance is far more attractive than fancy stuff. I want a man who knows how to work with nature to keep food in my belly and a roof over my head.

2. Not afraid of hard work.

A farmer is willing to invest his time and energy into creating, building and maintaining systems that will support himself, his family and his community. He’s not intimidated by a little pain and struggle. He takes pride in the fruits of his labor and he appreciates the way his muscles ache after a hard day’s work. To me, he is someone I can count on.

3. Strong.

Because he spends the day toiling on his farm, he’s not only got a strong body but he’s got strong character too. Even after his fair share of frustrations, challenges and uncertainties, he remains devoted to his vision. Not to mention, his fit physique provokes daydreams of encounters I won’t describe here.

4. Not afraid to get dirty.

In fact, he loves getting dirty. As a lover of all things earthy, I get weak in the knees seeing the human form defined by and painted with the earth’s skin. On top of the grit and grime that dusts him, the pheromones seeping from his sweaty body coerce me closer, urging me to get a little dirty too.

A farmer knows that “Dirt is what you brush off your pants. Soil is a living ecosystem.” ~ Aron Rosenthal

5. Intuitive.

As a student of the systems of Mother Nature, he’s learned the earth’s unspoken language. By witnessing the process of life emerging, growing and flourishing, he understands that all things are interconnected. He can sense when to be patient and when to take action. He trusts that nature will provide all that he needs and knows that, just as the bees who pollinate his crops, my presence in his life is divinely orchestrated.

6. Sensual.

Through his senses, a farmer is in touch with the land. He becomes still when he hears the wind whistle through the grass. He treasures the way leaves feel when held between his fingertips. He’s flooded with gratitude when he tastes juice bursting from a ripe tomato. A farmer delights in the scent of rich, fertile earth and loses himself watching the landscape morph as the sun moves across the sky. I imagine he’d appreciate the natural beauty of my essence the same way; he’d savor the sound of my voice, the softness of my skin, the scent of my hair, the taste of my lips, and the contours of my curves.

So how does this fairytale end?

True story:

A while back I was talking to my friend about her romantic dilemma. She was attracted to two very different people. One of them was her boyfriend. He was practical, reliable and predictable. He made her happy and she felt he would make a great life partner.

The other guy was artistic, adventurous and spontaneous. She imagined having awesome adventures and seeing the world with him.

She wanted both.

Sound familiar? You’ve probably experienced this same situation at some point in your life, am I right?

The insight she uncovered has changed me forever. She realized that her attraction to the adventurous guy was actually her attraction to the attributes she used to describe him. Instead of looking for those things outside of herself, she recognized that she’d be equally, if not more, fulfilled by enhancing those qualities within herself.

I am not, and may never be, living happily ever after with a farmer. I am, however, acknowledging and cultivating these six qualities within myself. I’ve learned that the potential to experience what I want in life already exists within me.

In other words, no one can turn me on better than I can.

Here’s to cultivating the farmer within.

(Worried you have a black thumb? Find out how I came to terms with mine.)




Like elephant love on Facebook.


Assist. Ed: Lacy Rae Ramunno/Ed: Bryonie Wise


Read 5 Comments and Reply

Read 5 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Kristen Hess