May 13, 2013

The Undisclosed Desires. ~ Terri Hug

From time to time…I have emotional anorexia.

I restrict the intake of good feelings which creates an inner pile up of bad feelings. What happens next is best described as pure inner hell. This morphs into bulimia: A full-blown purging of unbalanced feelings and actions. What person doesn’t open the door to greet a new emotion every day? Some of us ride that crazy emotional carousel around in our heads over and over, hour by hour, day after day.

But when the same emotions (particularly negative) keep re-surfacing, it’s time to ask the question: Are you in a slow suicide of unfulfilled desires?

Desires…We all have them. They sit like a penny in the bottom of a dark well just wishing, hoping to come true. From time to time you peer down the well, just to see if your penny still exists. These desires…these thoughts make the sides of your mouth turn up; redness seeps across your cheeks; your eyes become seductive half moons. Just as desire lulls you deeper—your cell phone rings—snapping you back to reality, you brush off the guilty pleasure.  Desire creeps back into the well. These dormant dark pleasures make your heart flutter, but you never fully roll out the welcome mat to let them bloom.

Do your inner desires, the deluxe most tantalizing ones, deserve the very bottom of the well?

Yoga is about letting go, but to a degree of the highest consciousness. We are supposed to practice Vairagya (freedom from desire or non-attachment). Is suffocation the answer? I think we actually suffocate our desires with a form of attachment.

By ignoring our desires, we have now developed an attachment to security; to the known; to the accepted; to the approved; to the masses and to the regulated. These words are not accepted in my vocabulary. The Art of Non-Conformity is the ability to release any and all attachment to conformity on all levels. It is about releasing the attachment to what is approved as right and re-writing the story to approving what’s right for you.

Rebel against conformity: These words are in my vocabulary.

I can guarantee there are hidden desires of all levels within each of us: A medley—many-colored, every changing and infinite. And sadly for some, they are buried so deep—so far down the well, they don’t even exist anymore.

Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another.

~ Madonna

But the truth is, they are there. Desires to start a business, run a marathon, secret sexual desires, climbing some mountain…The list can go on and on. I see the barriers and the desires between us all having one common denominator: Fear.

Fear: Highly overrated and over publicized by doubt…She’s quite the bitch. Judgment (her BFF) pays her bills to keep her tickin’ and frankly it’s time to cut everyone’s salary.

Your attachment to safety is getting old and the clock is silently making you a fool. The fear you may fall out at the eighth mile in that marathon or the rejection from a lover when your fantasies are unleashed:  This fear is real. However, with each dismissal your true self is becoming a mirage. Opening ourselves up and nourishing those desires allows us to break down the barriers we often put up around us. If we don’t let ourselves truly unfold into a complete natural state of balance—living our truth, then we aren’t fully conscious of the wealth that exists. Letting go is the key to unfolding all that’s naturally yours.

My pain is self-chosen
At least I believe it to be
I could either drown
Or pull off my skin and swim to shore

~ Layne Staley (RIP)

Every emotion, the good, the bad and the ugly are not meant to be compartmentalized.

I spent many years thinking all of my bad emotions were “wrong” (Thanks society, you had me for a while). But I grew wiser, understanding there was no need for me to put things into someone else’s wrong and right category. Once I detached from everything around me, I was able to see clearly. This produced a huge sigh of relief. It gave answers without a ruling from our culture, our mentors and “insert any authority figure here”. I didn’t need to run from bad or good, I acknowledged both, tuned my frequency within—a solo channel—and was amazed how much it set me free from judgment, shame and all those other jerky feelings out there. If we give all of our emotions equal attention, setting them free is much easier.

Rules for Non-rule Members:

  1. Eliminate the need to restrict any emotion. Understand they all have purpose (a tool there to guide you) putting no emphasis on one more than the other.
  2. If you restrict the good, I guarantee you will see a rise in the negative that will morph into low thoughts and unexplained bad behavior.
  3. Pull undisclosed desires from the internal well, because they are yours and deserve balanced attention. These desires are often the key to unlocking your true self and living a life of fulfillment.
  4. Start enjoying the benefits of non-conformity and become unattached to what anyone else thinks. You decide what’s right for you. Truly recognize that your desires can be fulfilled, but it’s up to you to give yourself permission to obtain the wealth of this freedom.

I always say, when the voice and the vision on the inside become more profound, clear and loud than the opinions on the outside, you’ve mastered your life!

~ Dr. John Demartini

Keeping the undisclosed desires in the well may feel cozy, but wouldn’t unleashing them be so much more delicious?



Terri Hug is a yoga instructor, wellness junkie, antevasin, animal advocate, tattoo collector and boundary pusher. Her motto: Why not?  Terri is currently pursuing the 500-hr Integrative Yoga Therapist certification while teaching Hatha yoga classes to adults; chair yoga to senior citizens and offers her Ignite Within Meditation workshops. Vegetarian, writer, music addict, dream builder and f-bomb awesome. Stay mindful and play outside the box on Twitter, Facebook or her blog.

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Assistant Ed: Dusty Ranft/Ed: Kate Bartolotta

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martha Jul 15, 2013 5:00pm

desires are similar to thoughts, which continuously bubble up, like bubbles in soda. So thoughts , emotions and desires can not be stopped or restricted. It is a matter of detaching, or not being ruled by all of our desires, emotions and thoughts. And then choosing the best ones for us at this time space coordinate, to make the best use of our precious time in this life

Natalie Baginski Jul 13, 2013 11:00am

"I am one, may I be many" – brihadaranyaka upanishad

the whole universe comes from desire

yoga has been tweaked and twisted to encompass a "no pain no gain" culture, and although this applies to "yoga" in regard to exercise, it's actually not supported by vedic literature. and the word "control" used over and over again in certain translations is incorrect. the english equivalent is "to bring into coherence".

the big picture, the main message, from all of the vedas and 36 branches of literature combined is that yoga is not about force or effort, it's a "state" not a path. a state of coherence, a state of unity between silence and dynamism. awareness of the samhita of rishi, devata and chhandas. yoga is the state of samadhi, integrated into activity of daily life. maharishi mahesh yogi called it cosmic consciousness.

a major principle, known as purification of the path, has been excluded from our studies, and the 8 limbs are viewed as something to work toward, with force if necessary, when in reality, the vedic teachings talk about how one naturally comes into balance, one naturally chooses evolutionary activity over destructive behavior, one is "self-referral" and acts rightly without effort. it's repeated over and over. "spontaneous right action". not forced right action, not right action based on repression of desire, not right action supported by guilt or shame.

as for me, i am dedicated to vedic teaching, yoga, experiencing samadhi through meditation, developing higher consciousness…and i learned only after experiencing the pain caused by force and effort, that being true to my desires in the moment, sometimes saying YES and sometimes saying NO (because what i thought was my desire was not actually a desire but a craving, masking a deeper issue), i allow myself to live. i say yes to the tiramisu, the red wine, the beautiful boy that i just have to touch, late nights with leonard cohen or william wordsworth that make it so i can't sleep at all. and then i go quiet and balance the fire with deep deep silence. and what i hope comes out the other side is some sort of balance. and if it's not all totally balanced, well fuck me, i must be a human.

i love this article. thanks.

Ron Jun 11, 2013 7:34am

With the exception of #8 you are describing a father, not a lover.

After 52 years on this planet I have discovered that despite often violent protests to the contrary the thing that actually turns women on – gets them out of their projected fantasies about what they want and causes them to drop their pants – is an interesting man who will not put up with their crap.

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